February 10, 2017

What I'm Thinking Today

Well, my year has started out pretty much the same as every year, with a few exceptions.

I forgave a person who hurt my feelings.  Yep.  I'm a forgiver.  I typically do not hold grudges, can see another's point of view and rarely hate.  However, there are those rare occasions when I want to hate so badly.  But, that seems to never last.  I wish I could hate, though.  I think it would feel really good.  Kind of like when I lose my temper and the Irish volcano explodes in all it's beauty!  That shit feels good.  I'm not going to lie.  I do usually have 1 person that I 'hate' and by that I mean...I don't wish them death.  I just wish they'd get their period in shark infested waters or something similar. Hey...they could survive, if it were meant to be so! Psh.

Yea, so, that happened.  What else....?

I started binge watching 'Gilmore Girls'.  Which is hysterically similar to my life. This reminds me....why does Luke tap his pen on his tongue?  Lick the pen?  This is not the 1700's nor does spit make Bic perform any better.  Hmmm...another one of life's questions.

And....that's it, really. I'm a pillar of excitement. Yawn.  I haven't even had anything to write about.  Am I not thinking?  No.  Am I not remembering?  Probs.  I'm forgetting everything.

I also think I'm getting more weird as I get older.  That and the fact that Abe watches 'Ancient Aliens' every night as I'm falling asleep.  This turns into the weirdest ass dreams every.  In fact, I woke up this morning wondering if anyone has the job of figuring out dreams.  Like finding out why.....where they come from...what do they mean....how did my effed up mind create this?  I'm a super dreamer. Meaning I dream vividly, in color, intense, crazy and wild.  Just like a movie, most nights. Never are these dreams normal.  Never.

Last night I had a dream that everyone was naked and I was trying to explain why I hadn't shaved my vag.  The lady next to me said since we are going back to the 70's and being nudists, anyway, that I shouldn't worry about it and that I should let my leg and under arm hair grow, too.  (PS- yes...I did shave this morning.)

The night before I had a dream that my Dr. couldn't open his Garth Brooks cd because it was frozen. I got all worked up and kept telling him to call the manufacturer. That the cd was made in NY and they should know that it gets cold here.

Another was I was in some sort of auditorium, listening to a speaker, got bored and snuck out.  (Pretty much my high school education.)  I then was in some huge warehouse.  There was this little boy walking and he had this thing hanging from his backpack. It was like a flurouscent light.  Anyway, everyone was yelling and then the thing exploded. The boy flew into my arms and I started running.  The warehouse was blowing up and burning and chaos.  Then everyone was chasing me because they wanted to kill the boy.  I was yelling 'It wasn't his fault!'

Yea. These are just minor ones that I've had this week.  Some of them are literally insane.  The funny thing is my daughter dreams the same way.  Abe doesn't.  So, where do these thoughts, ideas and fairy tales come from?  Another life?  Another dimension?  Insanity?

I also have more conversations with my cat than I've ever had.  Sometimes I walk away wondering what the hell I agreed to.  He's lucky he's cute. He's also an alien. I keep asking him to just take me away to his planet where I can be Queen.  He doesn't listen, though.  Apparently, I have to continue to suffer the fools.

BTW, am I the only person who pictures gem mining at a sluice when I'm cleaning the litter box?  Panning for gold?  Little treasures of pee and poop clumps?  Then exclaim gleefully when you find one?  No?  Ok.  Moving on. 

Oh! I was driving to work this morning.  Yesterday was a snow day...which is awesome, by the way.  I love being trapped in my house.  Like when Hurricane Irene came.  We were without food, electricity & water for days...and I loved every minute of it.  Except the cold showers at my sisters. That I could live without.  Anyway, I digress.  I think someone should come up with an invention....it's my idea so I should get a percentage of profits...of something that either cleans your window or prevents the car in front of you from kicking their muddy, melty, dirty, snow sludge all over.  I legit couldn't see.  I have the 'Do not freeze' wiper fluid...but it still doesn't work when it's 19 degrees.  I had to pull over and clean my windshield at Stewarts.  Why is there not a thing?  Why isn't there some magical force field that prevents me from being blinded on a snowy road?  Why? Why? Why? haha

Ok. So, I'm being dramatic but still.  There needs to be something created.  I have spoken.

I was thinking again about how I'd like my life to be like a book.  One that I could go back and read again, except choose different chapters.  Like different paths.  Just so I could see what would have happened.  It's probably good that I can't.  I'd probably be depressed...or sad that I missed out on something amazing.  Then again, I'd probably be super happy that I wasn't stupid and I chose right!  I still think it would be pretty awesome.  Even if you can't choose different chapters that are comparable with your life choices.  I'd still like to see what happened...what I've forgotten....what I didn't give enough attention to.  I mean, who really remembers everything in their life?  I remember weird shit that doesn't matter.  Yet, I can't remember important things that I should.  For example, I remember being in high school at Patti Davis' house learning the words to 'Tom Sawyer' by Rush. But, I can't remember the name of the cabins at work.  Weird.

BTW..how lucky are kids today?  They just need 'Google' to know the lyrics to a song.  Yes...I just looked at the lyrics to 'Tom Sawyer' and we were close....but not quite.

Apparently, I'm pretty effed up.  Weird dreams, crazy memory, talking cats....lunacy.  I'm freaking crazy!!

OMG.  I hope I'm never alone in my life.  I'd hate to be a lunatic with no one there to watch or stop me.  Sigh. I probably will be alone.  I'm an only child with commitment problems.  I like being alone. I was single for 100 years in Vegas and loved it.  Just me and Manda.  Now I've been with Abe for...6 years?  Maybe.  5 years?  I don't know but he's my longest relationship.  I don't know if that's good or bad.  As a matter of fact, I started talking to Abe right after I moved here.  So....6 years I've been with Abe. Wow. I'm kinda blowing my own mind right now. I don't know what to think about that.

Why would I? I've got all this other madness floating around in my brain.  Someone needs to bring me a straight jacket.