July 10, 2015

Deep Thoughts with Kelly.

Sometimes I wish life had a magical book. A magical 'what if' book where you could choose different paths and see what would have happened.  Like...what would my life had been like if I stayed in college instead of dropping out.  Or...if I dated Matty instead of staying in a loser relationship.  Or...if I didn't move to Vegas....or..if I had never left. What if I married the first guy that asked me or the second and not the third? What if I wasn't adopted?  You know? 

What if you had made another choice...or taken the other path?  What would your life be like in the present, if you changed your course in the past? Made a different choice. Do you think having the option to see the results, would that you make you sad?  Or happy?  Do you ever wonder?

Then there are dreams.  Are they about things that may have happen in a past life or are happening in an alternate universe?  My subconscious cannot make up some of the shit I dream. There's no freaking way...especially if I'm asleep.

I dream nightly.  Vividly.  In color.  I dream, wake up and wonder if it really happened.  I dream, wake up, fall back to sleep and the dream continues. And my dreams are far from normal.  They are very intense, detailed, powerful and strong.  I always remember them. I always feel from them.  Something is always taken and evoked from them.  I believe in them.  The strangers, the oddities, the danger, the happiness, the craziness...I believe. I have always been this way.

So, I'm wondering where these 'ideas', if they are ideas, come from.  A parallel universe, an alternate universe, a past life, a future life....where.  I guess we will never know.  Just like we will never know what happens when we die.  Heaven?  Hell?  Nothingness?  Yea.

Ok..whoa..drowning in my head here.  Let's get back to this moment.

Does anyone ever think of this shit or is it just me?

Did you know you only need 2 signatures to commit someone?  It's true.  This means, at any given moment, Abe and Amanda could have me committed to an insane asylum.  Isn't that, in  itself, crazy?  What if a husband and his lover choose to commit the wife?  He and the home wrecker just sign and away they go.  I asked my Dr. if this was a true story and he said yes.  Then I proceeded to tell him Abe and Amanda's plan so if I ever go missing, he knows the true story.

I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy, too.

Damn.  What if he signs?  Ugh.