June 30, 2015

Shitter Feng Shui

Amanda and I had a conversation about bathrooms on the way to work the other morning.  I am the type who shuts the lid on the toilet.  It doesn't matter if I'm using it or not, the lid stays down.  I've done this for years and Feng Shui is the reason. 

Once upon a long time ago, in a kingdom far, far, away, I had time to simply sit and read. I know...shocking.....  During one of these special, now non-existent, moments,  I read that shutting the toilet lid meant all your chi and money would not go down the drain.  Yea.  Even though I am miles away from having a feng shui home, I am not interested in tempting the fates by leaving the lid open.  So, that little zen nugget..no pun intended...stayed with me and, to this day, I shut the lid.  It has become an odd little quirk of mine. 

I also shut the lid because of pets....let's be honest.  I don't want Timmy jumping into the toilet. And I have to sit my fat ass down sometimes while getting ready in the morning.  The struggle is real.

Who else shuts the lid?  Who else will after reading this?

I was thinking about Nestle Quik last night. (Yes...my mind is out of control.) I remember how awesome it was to be a kid and make your own chocolate milk.  I'd pop off that metal lid with the spoon and my party would begin.  I was the type who had a chocolate milk ritual.  Yes, I had my glass with dinner every night but that wasn't it.  The ritual was in the making.....and I had it down to a delicious science.  I would dunk my spoon in the milk and then into the chocolate powder.  This would create this chocolate film of goodness.  I'd put my lips on it and pop the chocolate skin and a poof of chocolate powder would escape. I'd go into some sort of chocolate powder puff haze where I'd gleefully dunk and lick until all the chocolate was gone from the spoon. Then I'd grab another spoonful and stir it into my milk.  That's it.  Just one spoonful.  The spell would break then I'd eat my dinner and drink my chocolate milk while watching 'The Wonderful World of Disney'...7pm.  Somehow, that rabbit spun it's chocolate mound of delight around my world and I couldn't escape.  I have to blame it on the bunny.  For sure.  It was all Quicky. 

Oh, and for those that care, NO on the strawberry and HELL NO on the banana.  Ew.

I'm probably definitely weird.  I wonder if they still make Quik in that metal box.

By the way, I wonder if Quicky knew Trixy. 

Speaking of Quicky & Trixy, haha!  Not really but it sounded like a great opener for all FIFTY states legalizing gay marriage and the fact that haters have poked their greasy, red neck, back ass woods heads out from under swamp rocks.  I swear.  I'm all about people having opinions..that's our human right...to spew shit no matter how ignorant. It's not my job to enlighten anyway or realistically and truthfully point out the facts to anyone. You can't fix stupid...so I just shake my hear and move on. But....there are some things that I just can't walk away from.  This is one of them.

What do you care?  How does this decision affect your small lives? Why are you threatened?  You don't have to sleep with the same sex.  You don't have to live their lives. You don't have to deal with the miles of bullshit that they have to deal with. Racism and bigotry has been harassing innocent people for decades.  The fact that in 2015, it continues is sadly shocking and disgusting.

So...why do you care?  Is it because it threatens your 'sanctity' of marriage?  I would think the divorce rate would do that.  Is it because it's a 'sin'?  When is the last time you sinned?  I'd be confident to say it was within the past 24 hours.  Is it because 'GOD' doesn't allow it?  Well, you won't be the one affected should he/she decide to bring down his wrath.  Is it because 'it's not right'?  Neither is being capable of working and living off the system, having illegitimate kids and/or  putting your kids up for adoption, (Oh, and PS, a successful, happy, gay couple are probably the adoptive parents.) Is it because it's unconventional?  So are women being allowed to vote, work, drive, have a voice - African American s not being slaves, sold, tortured, raped and murdered.  The world is evolving and your not evolving with it.  Are you afraid your children or grandchildren might be gay?  I'd be proud.  Embrace it.  Maybe they can point you in the right direction regarding fashion.  Is it because you're afraid someone might hit on you?  Don't worry.  You're safe. 

Whatever reason you can come up with, there's an equal and fair response.  Most people with intelligence pose arguments and debates full of such.  So, what exactly is your point? Please.  Give me something intelligent that helps me understand where your mind is.

Love.  Nothing else should matter.  Love is an emotion that we all feel, for many different reasons, for many different things....does it bother you that I don't love cauliflower and you do?  It shouldn't.  Does it matter that you love going to church and I don't?  That shouldn't either.  The amazing thing about life and humans is that we have the freedom to feel as we please.  To pursue happiness....to love fully and greatly....to live each day with joy and pride.  What I do or do not do shouldn't matter to you.  I'm not gay, by the way.  But, if I was....it would be a very sad shame that I would be denied human rights, equality, love, fairness.  It would be sad that you would be missing out on a fun, beautiful, loving, kind person just because you are blinded by hatred.  Love is love.  That's all and everything.  So, if the haters are going to hate, move on. I'm not interested in bigots of any kind. I'm also not interested in the sanctimonious bullshit that is being spewed from your mouths because, trust me, you are not all and everything.  Thank God.

In other news, I got a kayak!  Yep.  Now if it would just stop raining, I could kayak my ass all over the Hudson Valley.  OMG.  I cannot wait.  This takes my exploration of nature to a whole new level.  So, if you're out on the lake and see a neon green kayak upside down...please flip me over.  Thanks.

Everyone have a Happy 4th of July!