November 18, 2014

What Are You Thankful For?

just wrote an article on being thankful so I thought, let’s make this personal and more ‘Kelly’ like.  I can’t be ‘Kelly’ like in my articles.  Sad but true. But I CAN be 'Kelly' like here! Yay!

Obviously, I am thankful for all the traditional things everyone is thankful for; family, friends, health, home, a JOB!  Of course I’m thankful for all of those things!  What kind of mad woman do you think I am?  But, you know me, I like to go outside the box.  So, come with me for a second while I climb out of the normal and jump into my crazy ass box to talk turkey. See what I did there? Talk turkey? Haha! Turkeys, of course, are not thankful that this time of year is here but we are because we’re a bunch of fatties.

 Things I Am Thankful For:


You know what I love?  Toilet seat covers.  I could go into any public restroom in Vegas and there would be toilet seat covers.  Without fail.   Because sometimes you don’t want to hover.  Because sometimes your legs hurt.  Because sometimes you don’t want to pee on the seat. Or yourself. Or your clothes.  Because sometimes you’re just too lazy to squat.  Because sometimes you just don’t give a shit and you sit.  We all do all of the above.  Yep.  Public restroom toilet seat anxiety. It’s a thing.  That’s why I am a big fan of toilet seat covers.  Believe it or not, Vegas readers, they are not as commonplace as one would imagine. But, they do have them at Mohonk and for that I am thankful.


I am thankful that my family doesn’t mind that sometimes I use their toothbrush.  Hey.  I forget what color mine is, or I’m half asleep or I’m just not paying attention.  Sometimes I will start the process, wet the brush and then realize it’s not mine.  Sometimes I go all the way.  I’ll get that random text from Amanda telling me I’m nasty and used her toothbrush but then she laughs.  So, I know it’s ok.  Please.  Abe has been in my mouth and Amanda has been in my body so really.  Wait…that sounded beyond pervy.  Sigh.  But, seriously, there is nothing they are going to catch that they don’t already have!  I get that it’s gross but sometimes mishaps happen. 


Netflix.  Really that’s all I should have to say but Yes!!  I am thankful for Netflix!  I can watch what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, as many times as I want. I like doing what I want.  So, thank you, Netflix.  I wish more things were like you.  You’ve given me seasons of ‘Breaking Bad’, which I’m almost through but on tap is ‘Orange is the New Black’ and ‘Game of Thrones’.  All I need is Netflix, snacks and this lamp. 


I own 'The Jerk' so I don't have to Netflix it. I'm thankful I own 'The Jerk'.  

The sound of my cat purring.  It makes me feel heroic and like I have created this happiness that is so overwhelming it cannot be contained. It HAS to be heard.  I am thankful for that.  Timmy is a lovebug so he purrs, rubs, rolls over and just really lets you know he’s in heaven and it’s all because of you.  Pure kitty meow love.  But, Timmy is free with his purrs. He gives them regularly. Fred is tight with his. If Fred purrs, you know you really accomplished something magical and spectacular. 


I’m thankful for big scarves.  Not only do they look fashionable, but they keep my neck warm, the old lady gobble gobbler hidden and cover my tattoo.  Something I cannot show at work… weird is that?  That I am a middle aged woman who has to hide her tattoos?  Anyway.  That’s a whole different subject.  BUT…a scarf is wonderful and they make me very happy.  In fact, that’s one of the reasons I like a chill in the air.  Maybe I only have one but it’s a good one I’m thankful for.


Does anyone I know mix together Peter Pan Creamy Peanut Butter and Syrup?  I do and I’m so damn thankful for this, you cannot imagine. It’s my special treat before bed when my sugar feels low.  Even Jack is thankful for this mixture of heavenly delight.  It’s cheap, it doesn’t take much effort, it’s got protein, it’s fun to eat!  YUM!  I’m all about the peanut butter spoon lollipop but even more so about the addition of syrup.  Any kind of syrup.  Doesn’t matter if Aunt Jemima comes to town or Mrs. Butterworth…either one of those old ladies are welcome.  Go ahead…try it tonight….you know you want to.  Then be thankful to me for turning you into a lover of this liquid gold creation.

 I’m thankful for the internet. I am 1000 times more clever, smart, creative and entertaining.  I am also 1000 times more lazy, unproductive,  fat and unread.  But, hey, this is about being thankful. 


I am thankful for aspirin.  My boyf takes one a day to help prevent blood clots and thank goodness for that.  It also relieves my aches and pains…from my damn teeth to my damn head to my damn body.  Aspirin is a life saver.    

I am thankful for automatic car starters and seat warmers.  I have neither but I'm thankful for them.  Someday I hope to have a car that has them so I don't have to freeze my ass off all winter long. 


Honestly, there are a million and a half things that I am thankful for.  From the fact that my dog eventually comes back after he takes off like a bat out of hell through the woods, to the fact that I only have to pay for fuel oil during the winter, right down to the fact that .  The list is long and slightly warped but always worth gratitude. 


1 comment:

  1. Lmfao Kelly....I do the same thing with peanut butter and maple syrup! Way too funny! I thought I was the only one!