November 18, 2014

What Are You Thankful For?

just wrote an article on being thankful so I thought, let’s make this personal and more ‘Kelly’ like.  I can’t be ‘Kelly’ like in my articles.  Sad but true. But I CAN be 'Kelly' like here! Yay!


Obviously, I am thankful for all the traditional things everyone is thankful for; family, friends, health, home, a JOB!  Of course I’m thankful for all of those things!  What kind of mad woman do you think I am?  But, you know me, I like to go outside the box.  So, come with me for a second while I climb out of the normal and jump into my crazy ass box to talk turkey. See what I did there? Talk turkey? Haha! Turkeys, of course, are not thankful that this time of year is here but we are because we’re a bunch of fatties.



 Things I Am Thankful For:

 

You know what I love?  Toilet seat covers.  I could go into any public restroom in Vegas and there would be toilet seat covers.  Without fail.   Because sometimes you don’t want to hover.  Because sometimes your legs hurt.  Because sometimes you don’t want to pee on the seat. Or yourself. Or your clothes.  Because sometimes you’re just too lazy to squat.  Because sometimes you just don’t give a shit and you sit.  We all do all of the above.  Yep.  Public restroom toilet seat anxiety. It’s a thing.  That’s why I am a big fan of toilet seat covers.  Believe it or not, Vegas readers, they are not as commonplace as one would imagine. But, they do have them at Mohonk and for that I am thankful.

 

I am thankful that my family doesn’t mind that sometimes I use their toothbrush.  Hey.  I forget what color mine is, or I’m half asleep or I’m just not paying attention.  Sometimes I will start the process, wet the brush and then realize it’s not mine.  Sometimes I go all the way.  I’ll get that random text from Amanda telling me I’m nasty and used her toothbrush but then she laughs.  So, I know it’s ok.  Please.  Abe has been in my mouth and Amanda has been in my body so really.  Wait…that sounded beyond pervy.  Sigh.  But, seriously, there is nothing they are going to catch that they don’t already have!  I get that it’s gross but sometimes mishaps happen. 

 

Netflix.  Really that’s all I should have to say but Yes!!  I am thankful for Netflix!  I can watch what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, as many times as I want. I like doing what I want.  So, thank you, Netflix.  I wish more things were like you.  You’ve given me seasons of ‘Breaking Bad’, which I’m almost through but on tap is ‘Orange is the New Black’ and ‘Game of Thrones’.  All I need is Netflix, snacks and this lamp. 


 

I own 'The Jerk' so I don't have to Netflix it. I'm thankful I own 'The Jerk'.  


The sound of my cat purring.  It makes me feel heroic and like I have created this happiness that is so overwhelming it cannot be contained. It HAS to be heard.  I am thankful for that.  Timmy is a lovebug so he purrs, rubs, rolls over and just really lets you know he’s in heaven and it’s all because of you.  Pure kitty meow love.  But, Timmy is free with his purrs. He gives them regularly. Fred is tight with his. If Fred purrs, you know you really accomplished something magical and spectacular. 

 

I’m thankful for big scarves.  Not only do they look fashionable, but they keep my neck warm, the old lady gobble gobbler hidden and cover my tattoo.  Something I cannot show at work…..how weird is that?  That I am a middle aged woman who has to hide her tattoos?  Anyway.  That’s a whole different subject.  BUT…a scarf is wonderful and they make me very happy.  In fact, that’s one of the reasons I like a chill in the air.  Maybe I only have one but it’s a good one I’m thankful for.

 

Does anyone I know mix together Peter Pan Creamy Peanut Butter and Syrup?  I do and I’m so damn thankful for this, you cannot imagine. It’s my special treat before bed when my sugar feels low.  Even Jack is thankful for this mixture of heavenly delight.  It’s cheap, it doesn’t take much effort, it’s got protein, it’s fun to eat!  YUM!  I’m all about the peanut butter spoon lollipop but even more so about the addition of syrup.  Any kind of syrup.  Doesn’t matter if Aunt Jemima comes to town or Mrs. Butterworth…either one of those old ladies are welcome.  Go ahead…try it tonight….you know you want to.  Then be thankful to me for turning you into a lover of this liquid gold creation.



 I’m thankful for the internet. I am 1000 times more clever, smart, creative and entertaining.  I am also 1000 times more lazy, unproductive,  fat and unread.  But, hey, this is about being thankful. 

 

I am thankful for aspirin.  My boyf takes one a day to help prevent blood clots and thank goodness for that.  It also relieves my aches and pains…from my damn teeth to my damn head to my damn body.  Aspirin is a life saver.    


I am thankful for automatic car starters and seat warmers.  I have neither but I'm thankful for them.  Someday I hope to have a car that has them so I don't have to freeze my ass off all winter long. 

 

Honestly, there are a million and a half things that I am thankful for.  From the fact that my dog eventually comes back after he takes off like a bat out of hell through the woods, to the fact that I only have to pay for fuel oil during the winter, right down to the fact that .  The list is long and slightly warped but always worth gratitude. 


*Peace. 

November 7, 2014

Do I have A.D.D.?

Today at work a girl puked, it hailed and I forgot my lunch.  If that’s not a sign that the world is ending, I don’t know what is.


Although I haven’t blogged in a while, it doesn’t mean that my life has become any less crazy, chaotic and full of madness because it hasn’t.  My life is still crazy.  The only difference is….I’m too poor to spoil myself so I don’t go crazy because my life is crazy. 


I miss my Vegas way of life.  Not Vegas, just the way I lived my life. Yearly travel, quarterly Disney, monthly massages, bi-weekly pedi’s, weekly sushi and movies, daily Starbuck’s.  It sucks.  Yea, I was spoiled but I spoiled myself and I deserved it. So there.  Suck it.  But, for the love of Zeus, this being poor shit sucks.  Sucks big, fat, cellulitey, ass.  Mine, in particular, because I’m definitely becoming a fatty.  How is it that I put on winter weight in the summer?  Stupid thyroid.  That’s the only thing I can blame it on because I refuse to blame it on Double Stuff Oreos and Boston Crème donuts.



Ask me if I care though?  My answer is a 98% no.  There is that 2% moment when I have to suck it in to zip my pants but the rest of the times, there’s leggings.  I wouldn’t say I’m fat either.  Not really.  I’m curvy now.  I should appreciate these curves because I sure the hell didn’t have them when I was younger.  The fact that I look like a retro pin up girl should be used to my advantage!!  But, I’m too lazy…and…like I said…I don’t care.


I wonder if that comes with age or if I’ve never truly cared.  Probably a bit of both.  I received a couple of compliments this weekend which I need to share because they really made me feel good.  The first was when I was told that a woman in her 40’s is the most beautiful.  That’s when the beauty really shines through and is real.  I imagined myself bursting with holes and beams of light shining out all over the universe spreading smiles.  The other one was that she really liked me and admired how whatever comes out of my mouth is truth and not some bullshit. 



Yes.  I unapologetically speak my truthful, realistic, honest mind. Some people would say that is mean and hurtful. They could be right if my intent were to be mean and hurtful.  I speak truths because I’m not here to sugarcoat shit for anyone.  If you’re acting like an asshole, I’ll be the one who tells you.  If what you are doing is wrong, again, I’m going to say it.  It’s almost like voicing my opinion.  While my opinion is always what I speak, the truth, the reality, the way it is joins along.  Some people don’t like that and I, quite honestly, don’t care. 


Again, I’m not a mean spirited person but if you do not want a candid conversation about whatever, then I am probably not the person to be around or speak to.  In fact, I think more people should be like me.  I want to hear the real, honest you.  Not some fortified, sprinkled, fake portrayal of who you think I want you to be.  I want you to be you.  Good, bad, indifferent.  I truly believe there is beauty in everyone.  Believe that of yourself and be you.  Of course there will be those assholes that don’t like you…but there will be those assholes that do! Haha!  And those are the assholes everyone should want to decorate their lives with.  Cheers to assholes!  



 So, yea, compliments are nice.  I’m not really good at receiving compliments.  I don’t think women usually are.  I’m better at giving compliments. But a compliment on my character and true self means so much. Sort of validates when you’ve been attacked for those same qualities in the past.  But, those attacks are not my weakness.  That I’m smart enough to realize.


I have too many pets.  I never thought there would come a day that I’d say that but there you have it.  Maybe it’s because my pets are crazy.  We all know I hate Sunny.  Jack is a lunatic.  He is just a bushel of crazy, put his ass on you, fun. He’s fun.  That’s his description.  Fred is an asshole.  Fred is a HUGE cat.  Probably a little Maine Coon. He’s ginormous but barely meows.  When he does meow, it sounds like a pathetic little old man. It’s ridiculous and totally doesn’t match.  His thing is to scratch the walls and doors when he wants something.  Douchebag always wants something at 1am.  Timmy is so stinking cute but I swear he’s from another planet.  He’s learning all of our ways and taking them back to the Mother Ship.  I think he’s going to kidnap me and make me the Mother of the Mother Ship.  He’s the coolest cat ever, though. 


Why did I go on a pet rampage?  Probably because I just picked cat hair off of my scarf.  There is no other reason. Ahem.  



Or maybe I wanted to share that I’m trying to lure all the neighborhood bears into my lawn to eat Sunny.  I’m to the point of secretly rubbing suet on her collar and making her a delectable wiener treat for them.  Oh…damn…guess it’s not so secret anymore.  Ooops.

Here’s something I’ve been wondering …if my pancreas is dead, hence the Diabetes, and my thyroid is mostly dead, hence the Diabetes…does that mean I’m part zombie?  I have dead organs!  So, I’m pretty safe if there’s a zombie apocalypse. Right?


I've got a confession.  I'm having McDonalds for dinner.  I hate fast food.  I do.  I rarely eat it and when I do, I feel bad.  Bad because it is bad for you. Bad because it makes my innards feel gross.   Bad because it doesn't taste as good as it did in the 80's. It doesn't.  McRib rocked in the 80's. That shit was worthy waiting for.  The fries...amazing.  Ok..the fries are still pretty amazing.  That hasn't changed.  But, the McDonalds apple pie. That is he most disappointing  Wth did they do?  Why did they choose to eff up a great thing!! That crust?! Oh. My. Gawd.  In the 80's it was the shit.  Now...it's pure shit.  Come on, McDonalds.  Get it together.  On another note, did you know that McDonalds Managers make a ton of money?  Ugh 


Ok.  I'm out. I have a chicken sandwich to choke down.  


*Peace. 

 

 

Kelly Wright

Security Administrative Assistant

Mohonk Mountain House

1000 Mountain Rest Road

New Paltz, NY  12561

(845)256-2045

(845)256-2198 - fax

 


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