July 25, 2014

Funny Life Things.

There is no greater feeling than to walk into a bar...yes, I know this sounds like a joke....oddly enough, it kinda was.....and see the woman your ex cheated on you with looking like a hot train wreck.  Yep.  Like Garth Brooks said, thank God for unanswered prayers.  She's the reason I left his ass and moved out on Christmas day.  Part of me was offended....20 years later...that he didn't cheat on me with someone better looking than me.  Gah. Part of me was grateful....20 years later...that I left him and never looked back on a relationship with him. Whew.  Part of me....20 years later....was high-fiving myself that I'm still amazing and she looked like she got run over by an 18 wheeler, stood up and got hit again.  Ew.

Anyway, moving on.  Sayonara, suckas!

I've worked my entire summer away.  I know it's only July, but it's JULY!!  I haven't done anything!  No beach!  No tan!  Just work, work, work.  I don't even have a lot of money to show for it either, damn it.  I do have a new Harley, though, so there's that. AND I am going camping this weekend. What started out as a family trip; Amanda, her boyf, my dad, my sister, Abe & I, has now dwindled down to just Abe & I.  This is strange because Abe & I have never been on vacay or a trip alone. We do things alone but never take trips alone. We always have the girls or someone with us.  Now...we might actually be able to have sex and not be in our home!!  What?!  There was no sex in Vegas, no sex in Myrtle Beach, no sex camping.  Blasphemy!

I'm actually looking forward to kayaking around this lake we are camping near.  Should be fun. No wifi, no people, just relaxation. However, if I go missing....someone call 911.   If he goes missing, I was with you. haha!  Oh...I should be careful...some people might think I was serious.  It's called a sense of humor, people!  Get one.

I was chatting with my friend, Randi, about the weird idiosyncrasies we both have.  We think we are twins because we do a lot of the same crazy shit.  For example, when shopping in a grocery store, we don't choose the first item on the shelf.  We grab from behind because other people have probably touched the first one.  I also have a particular way of placing my items on the conveyor belt.  Abe & Amanda laugh at me, but I like it to be easy when I'm putting groceries away.  All the cold refrig things are in one bag so I don't have to hunt through 20 other bags before I find the butter.

Also, when Randi & I are using public restrooms, we tear off the first section of toilet paper before grabbing our piece because someone may have touched it.  Ew. I can't even imagine what lives on that dangling piece of tp or who the last troll..ahem...or train wreck..was that touched it.  I certainly don't want any of that touching my cave of wonders. haha!

Ok.  I'm finished laughing about the crotch reference, now I'm going to hyper focus on other weird stuff. Like, I need two towels when I shower.  One for my hair and one for my body.  I look at Amanda, who only uses one for her body, and shudder.  How can she stand the water dripping from her hair? 

I eat the chocolate off a 3 Musekteers bar and then I'll eat the whipped stuff.  Sometimes I'll smush the whipped stuff in my fingers before eating it, too. The same goes for a Twix.  I eat the caramel off first and then the cookie.  Mmmmm....yum....candy.

I rearrange things on the table at a restaurant.  I fix the salt, pepper, sugar, jelly, menus, silverware, whatever.  I put it the way it should be.  Then I can relax and enjoy my dinner. haha

I also touch everything in a store.  I think because, when I was little, my parents wouldn't let me touch ANYTHING!  Now....after all of those years of denial...I touch it all!  Plus, I also have this weird thing about touch.  I love the sense of touch but because of testing my blood sugar so much, the tips of my fingers have lost a lot of their feeling.  This makes me REALLY touch, or pet, if you will, so watch out.

Alright, well I'm off for my weekend in nature with my life packed in the car.  I probably don't need that much to camp with but I'm an overachiever.  Besides, who says we won't need funky colored flames emitting from the campfire. Psh. Not me. 


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