July 25, 2014

Funny Life Things.

There is no greater feeling than to walk into a bar...yes, I know this sounds like a joke....oddly enough, it kinda was.....and see the woman your ex cheated on you with looking like a hot train wreck.  Yep.  Like Garth Brooks said, thank God for unanswered prayers.  She's the reason I left his ass and moved out on Christmas day.  Part of me was offended....20 years later...that he didn't cheat on me with someone better looking than me.  Gah. Part of me was grateful....20 years later...that I left him and never looked back on a relationship with him. Whew.  Part of me....20 years later....was high-fiving myself that I'm still amazing and she looked like she got run over by an 18 wheeler, stood up and got hit again.  Ew.

Anyway, moving on.  Sayonara, suckas!

I've worked my entire summer away.  I know it's only July, but it's JULY!!  I haven't done anything!  No beach!  No tan!  Just work, work, work.  I don't even have a lot of money to show for it either, damn it.  I do have a new Harley, though, so there's that. AND I am going camping this weekend. What started out as a family trip; Amanda, her boyf, my dad, my sister, Abe & I, has now dwindled down to just Abe & I.  This is strange because Abe & I have never been on vacay or a trip alone. We do things alone but never take trips alone. We always have the girls or someone with us.  Now...we might actually be able to have sex and not be in our home!!  What?!  There was no sex in Vegas, no sex in Myrtle Beach, no sex camping.  Blasphemy!

I'm actually looking forward to kayaking around this lake we are camping near.  Should be fun. No wifi, no people, just relaxation. However, if I go missing....someone call 911.   If he goes missing, I was with you. haha!  Oh...I should be careful...some people might think I was serious.  It's called a sense of humor, people!  Get one.

I was chatting with my friend, Randi, about the weird idiosyncrasies we both have.  We think we are twins because we do a lot of the same crazy shit.  For example, when shopping in a grocery store, we don't choose the first item on the shelf.  We grab from behind because other people have probably touched the first one.  I also have a particular way of placing my items on the conveyor belt.  Abe & Amanda laugh at me, but I like it to be easy when I'm putting groceries away.  All the cold refrig things are in one bag so I don't have to hunt through 20 other bags before I find the butter.

Also, when Randi & I are using public restrooms, we tear off the first section of toilet paper before grabbing our piece because someone may have touched it.  Ew. I can't even imagine what lives on that dangling piece of tp or who the last troll..ahem...or train wreck..was that touched it.  I certainly don't want any of that touching my cave of wonders. haha!

Ok.  I'm finished laughing about the crotch reference, now I'm going to hyper focus on other weird stuff. Like, I need two towels when I shower.  One for my hair and one for my body.  I look at Amanda, who only uses one for her body, and shudder.  How can she stand the water dripping from her hair? 

I eat the chocolate off a 3 Musekteers bar and then I'll eat the whipped stuff.  Sometimes I'll smush the whipped stuff in my fingers before eating it, too. The same goes for a Twix.  I eat the caramel off first and then the cookie.  Mmmmm....yum....candy.

I rearrange things on the table at a restaurant.  I fix the salt, pepper, sugar, jelly, menus, silverware, whatever.  I put it the way it should be.  Then I can relax and enjoy my dinner. haha

I also touch everything in a store.  I think because, when I was little, my parents wouldn't let me touch ANYTHING!  Now....after all of those years of denial...I touch it all!  Plus, I also have this weird thing about touch.  I love the sense of touch but because of testing my blood sugar so much, the tips of my fingers have lost a lot of their feeling.  This makes me REALLY touch, or pet, if you will, so watch out.

Alright, well I'm off for my weekend in nature with my life packed in the car.  I probably don't need that much to camp with but I'm an overachiever.  Besides, who says we won't need funky colored flames emitting from the campfire. Psh. Not me. 


July 8, 2014

Halfway Nuts.

There was a time in my life when I loved camping.  I would go camping every summer in Gardiner with the fam and LOVED it.  It was the 70's, we slept in a tent, on the ground and Ma cooked toast over the campfire.  Those were some of my favorite memories growing up.  Even though there was that time when my arm was in a cast and a rooster attacked me on the merry go round.  Or that time when I was on my way to the store to buy wax bottles and a spider chased me down the path.  Or that time when Richard the gander bit me on the cheek.  Gee...no wonder why I'm afraid of birds and spiders. 

There was a time in my life where I loved NOT camping.  I would rather sleep in a fluffy bed, take a real shower, eat in a restaurant and shave my legs.  I didn't think about camping.  I lived in Vegas.  If I travelled anywhere, I'd book a hotel room.  A tent was the furthest thing from my mind.

Funny how life comes back around.  Like how we all should have kept our clothes from the 80's because we'd be back in fashion several times over by now.  Now I love camping again. It started a couple of years ago when I bought a tent from my friend, Laura.  That purchase set off the madness and shopping at the Coleman Outlet became fun. There was a time when shopping at DSW or Gap was fun.  Now, I can't wait until the end of the month when I can sleep in a tent, shower in flip flops, eat smores and have no wifi.  Crazy, right? I have no idea where all my shoes are but I do know where my camping stove is.  Sigh.

I'm still vintage, like back in the 70's.  No, I'm not talking about 'landscaping'....I keep that in check. I'm talking about sleeping in a tent.  That's real camping to me.  Who knows? Maybe one day I'll want to upgrade to an RV.  Like..when I can't pick my old ass up off the tent floor. 

Speaking of getting old.  I wonder if I'll be one of those old ladies that sit in their easy chair watching 'Wheel for Fortune'.  I doubt it because I'm still pissed at them for not picking Bill & I for the show.  Psh.  We would have rocked that wheel AND made the show fun but whatever.  Screw you, Pat Sajak.  I'm watching the 'Price is Right'. Anyway.  I wonder if I'll have a bunch of cats and be bat shit crazy, too.  I kind of hope so.  I think that'd be really fun.

In my head, though, I'm going to be a cool ass grandma who wears hats, funky clothes & a lot of jewelry.  Who spends all her time outside with her grandkids playing, exploring & creating and when inside, making cookies, coloring & drinking tea.  Yea.  That's the old lady I want to be.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be slightly nuts and Abe & Amanda will forget me in a lawn chair outside where I'll sit for hours in some world of my own making. I'm obviously feeling old today.  Like premenopausal old.  Blah. Or maybe I'm already halfway nuts.

So, does anyone know why Google thinks it knows what I'm looking for?  And, does anyone know why Google thinks I'm a retard?  I swear.  I could type 'Where is' and get a plethora of crazy things that I already know where they are or would never want to know where they are?  Are these things people are asking?  Albeit  ALOT of people?  So much so that 'Where am I?' comes up?  Are there that many people who don't know where they are?  Ugh.  And I'm a blonde.

I'm tired.  Of paying bills I can't afford, of working so much I'm missing summer and of eating nothing but gaining weight.  Maybe I've spent my whole life under the misconception that life was meant for having fun, doing what you love, loving what you do, having adventures and being happy.  Why the hell didn't anyone tell me life was hard?!?! haha!

Oy vey. Anyway...back to work.  I've got nonsense to do. 


July 7, 2014

I Don't Live There Anymore...

Here's my Sunday Sermon a day late.

Recently, I have been aware of people and their tendency to judge.  It seems to be something that people do to make themselves feel better about either a situation or a past mistake of their own. 

No one is perfect.  This is a sad, yet blatantly true, fact.  Everyone has made mistakes.  Everyone has hurt someone.  Everyone has made the wrong choice.  Everyone has chosen the wrong words or actions.  Everyone has something to be blamed for.  Everyone has guilt.  Everyone.

So, who has the right to place judgment on anyone?  No one...yet...people do. All the time. I tend to believe that it's an ego gratifying way for a person to feel better about themselves..but why?  Insecurity? Jealousy? Fear?  Probably all three, and many more.

There's a quote that says 'Judging someone does not define them.  It defines you.'  We often judge others by how we perceive ourselves.  We know our secrets.  We know our faults.  Yet, it's easier to sit in judgment than to be accountable for our own actions.  We have no idea how we would act until we were put in the same situation as the person we are judging.  We have no idea of their journey, their path, their experience. 

Personally, I have been judged for things that occurred in my past but guess what?  I don't live there anymore.  As long as you never intentionally set out to hurt someone, which I don't think many people do.  As long as you are a good person and strive to be a good person, you're doing great.  Better than most!  As long as you have learned from your past mistakes, actions, words, and make a point to change, you're above most.  So, be proud in your journey.  That is what should define you. Not the words of someone lesser than you who has no other way to feel good about themselves and let go.

And really....who cares what they say or how they feel?  They obviously don't and neither do I.