September 16, 2013

I'm weird.

Whoever said love was easy.....wait....did anyone ever say love was easy? If so, they are lying. So are the couples who say they never argue, fight, get angry, etc etc. Every couple and every relationship is hard work. I dont care who you are. If it were easy, the divorce rate wouldn't be so obscene.

Whoever said love was grand..well, they were only talking about when its going grand. Whenever its going stinky..well, then love stinks. Love can be many things but its always a mixture of good and bad. I'm figuring that out. 

But, I'm not a runner. I used to be. When I was in high school. When I was supposed to be. But, not now.  Now I value love and respect the emotion. I can't say I've been in love a lot but I can say that this time matters to me. All of its imperfections are what makes it work. Strangely enough.

At least it works for now. Haha! I reserve the right to bail and move to France at any given moment though.

Speaking of France, here's a conversation I just had with my daughter via text. PS..she loves France.

Her: Guess what?
Me:  You're a monkey and I'm not?
Her:  No. I volunteered for the book fair.
Me:  Nice! You & Nona are the big volunteers. Now I feel like I have to volunteer for something.
Her:  Do it!
Me:  I'm too busy.
Her: OMG. Haha. no, you aren't.
Me:  Yes, I am! Right now I am walking Sunny and looking for peacocks!
Her:  Looking for peacocks? In Tennessee? Oh, honey.  I've got to get you out of there. You're losing it.

Then I stopped for a minute and thought...I am losing it. I forget people do not live in my mind. This causes me to have conversations that would, legally, make me certifiable. All you really need is two witnesses.  

My blood sugar dropped to 28 the other night. In typical Diabetes fashion, I was yelling, screaming and mean. Thankfully, the paramedics showed up and the entire neighborhood was there to witness their arrival. 

Obviously, I am still alive. 

The next day, I was outside and the neighbor came over. A cute old man named Bill. He asked if I was ok and I told him the Diabetic story.  He said 'I couldn't tell if that was you screaming or if it was the peacocks.' I said 'Peacocks?' He said 'Yes. They live in those trees across the street by the field.' 

Two things popped into my head simultaneously. I sound like a peacock and I want to find them. So, in my head, I totally make sense...and I'm on a mission.  Haha! I didn't find them today but when I do, I'm totally naming one 'Kevin'.

I'm so weird. 

I wonder if cats can see ghosts. Fred..who I think is losing his eyesight and is a fatty..will stare at the wall for hours on end. Just stare like there is something there. Then Timmy..who is an alien...will be sitting on the couch looking at me, then jerk his head and stare at the ceiling. Yes, I look and no, there is nothing there. 

What the hell are they looking at?!? Or what the hell do they hear?? Creepy kits.

You know what else is weird? The houses that have the stars on them. What does that mean? Is it some sort of cult? Are they aliens, too? What? Those stars go right along with the yard flags. What are those? Why are they necessary? Why don't they have a yard flag with a star on it?! You know..kill two birds. 

Actually, there are a ton of yard flags in my neighborhood and I'm glad. I wouldn't know what season or holiday it was without them.  Hell, I wish they would have 'Days of the Week' ones because I don't know that either. 

Today is Wednesday. Right? Yea...I'm seeing all those annoying 'Hump Day' commercials on my Facebook newsfeed. 

People need to be more original. I need 'Days of the Week' underwear.


September 10, 2013

Hey, It's Ok....

Looking at my life, I just realized that I typically have lost jobs in May and have gotten new jobs in October. Maybe the same will ring true for TN. Because, seriously, I'm thinking TN may have been a mistake.

I did NOT want to move here. Living my future in Abe's past was not appealing to me. But, he missed his kids & family and, in a moment of weakness, I said 'Forget Myrtle Beach, lets go to Maryville.' Here I am...4 months into it, I still don't have a job, money or a best friend. 

I don't feel like this is my home.

It's funny because I did this for him and he's fine. He's got a job, his family, his friends, his kids. Although, after two years of his kids making him feel horrible in NY, they never come over or call him. I don't understand. But, whatever. He's fine. I'm the one struggling. Our life was this shit in NY. I had my family, friends, a job I loved and a great house. I was happy.

I hate our house here. It's gross. I don't like the people. I love Abe's family and my Mom is here so that's good. But, we are more broke than ever and I'm not used to that. At all. 

I think I'm depressed.

BUT! My favorite season is coming and I lit my first Autumn candle today. Le sigh. Hopefully, Autumn will make me happy, I'll get a job I love and everything will be ok. 

In other news, I still want to live by the beach. Thankfully for me, so does Abe!! Haha! Eventually, people, eventually. I'm pretty sure I won't ever sit next to some old man in a dentist office and hear him say 'I think we'll have groundhog for supper.' by the beach. Seafood, maybe, but not road kill.


Keeping calm and moving on.....

PS...can we be over the 'Keep Calm' bs. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me remain calm. It makes me want to punch the person that posted that crap. 

I found on fun time waster...that Glamour has and '' Hey, It's Ok... ' board. Love it and am stealing the idea. 

Here's my version of 'Hey, Its Ok....'

That I am excited for the new seasons of Survivor and American Horror Story. 

That some days I stay in my pjs all day. I'm unemployed and have nothing to dress up for! It's also ok to not wear make up, have a dirty house and put my hair in a sloppy bun.

That I told Oreo my 'Double Stuf' looked like regular Stuf and I was disappointed! They are sending me a gift! Fatty is getting a reimbursement coupon! 

That I love autumn but don't like pumpkin flavor crap like my daughter and my cousin.

That I'm going to be 45 and am starting to age. I've seen what a lot of people my age look like and I'm not doing so badly! 

Feel free to share your 'Hey, It's Ok..' thoughts. 


September 5, 2013

Sonic September

Abe & I went to Sonic the other night for milkshakes. Sonic has half price shakes on Thursday after 8pm. I'm a fatty and I'm broke so I gotta hunt down the deals!!

Well, we were 5 minutes early so we had to wait. Sonic is like the mall. If you sit there long enough, you find a plethora of people that you can make fun of. Guess what we did? Yep. Chose our victims. Who that night happened to be a table full of overly large people. Abe starts it by saying 'What do you think the combined weight of that table is?' I suck at anything containing numbers so I just shrug. He starts talking in his funny voice that I love 'Umm..I'd like 4 cheeseburgers, 5 fries, 4 coney dogs, some tots and a Diet Coke.' I laugh because the Diet Coke thing is just absurd. So is Abe's voice. He uses it for the cats, the kids, everyone. I'm going to Vine it one of these days. Anyway. The next thing we know, a chubby redneck pulls up next to us and starts to order.  Guess what he ordered? Yep. Multiple cheeseburgers, chili cheese tater tots, jalapeƱo poppers and a Route 44 Diet Dr. Pepper. I died.

Abe forgot we were in the South. Southerners drink Dr. pepper.

At 8p, I pushed the button and we, the hypocritical fatty's, ordered our shakes. Abe wanted a chocolate peanut butter shake, I wanted a twist. In NY you can order a half & half shake or a twist. Either way, they know its 1/2 chocolate and 1/2 vanilla. I didn't want to confuse the poor Sonic girl but it was inevitable.  Here is our conversation. her response with a THICK southern accent....

'Can I have a half chocolate and half vanilla shake, please?'
' want half chocolate and half vanilla?'
'I don't know if I can get half of chocolate and half of vanilla in the cup.'
'Just mix em together. Pour half vanilla in and then half chocolate. It's easy.'
'Umm...I'm not sure I can't make it half.'
'It doesn't matter. I just want them both mixed together.'
'Ok. Umm...half chocolate and half vanilla?'
'Yes. Just try your best.'

I turn to Abe and say 'Really?' So, now neither one of us know what the hell I will get. We are giggling at the situation and this young girl comes walking up with our shakes. I was a little disappointed that she wasn't wearing skates but I didn't have a lot of faith in this girl anyway. Skates would probably send her over the edge...shakes apparently did. She comes up to my window and says 'I put a little chocolate on the bottom and vanilla on top. Is that right?' I said 'Yes, that's fine. Thanks.'

Bless her heart.

What the eff was so difficult about that? 

I can't believe its already September. Wth happened to August? I think I have slipped into some sort of depressing recluse phase. I haven't done my hair in about a month. I barely put make up on. I still shave my legs every day, though, so there's hope. I'm not complaining because Fall is coming. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Fall. It's my favorite season. I love the leaves, the cool, crisp air, the smell, the lack of asshole Mosquitos. I also love Halloween and Thanksgiving. I am complaining because I wil be turning 45. 45!!! FUCK! I am still unemployed, getting lazier and always broke.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who the hell that was staring back at you? I do. Never in my life did I imagine my life would be like it is today. In fact, its so far off its laughable. I'm on a bowling team, FFS!! Yep. Bowling. 'Thats How We Roll' is our name and I'm the handicapper. WTH?! I'm a handicapper?!

I don't own a home, I don't have a job, most of my 401k has been spent on moving cross country and otherwise, I don't have medical insurance, I need to lose 20 pounds and gawd. I'm exhausted.

Whoa...I just totally went I to psycho mode. I need chocolate....and a fluffy pillow.

Anyway, yea, I love fall.  I even bought some mums. Not as sweet as Saunderskill mums but they are better than nothing. any of you people realize how long its been since I've had a Hallowine Party? Sigh. I do.

Maybe since its my favorite season, things will start to look brighter as the days get darker. I'm ironic like that. Who knows...maybe I'll get a job at Sonic. 

So, how are you guys doing?