*****Found another blog I *thought* I posted a while ago. Enjoy***
I was talking to a friend about toxic people. It's so cliche, I know, but we all have had them. I am not even sure if 'toxic' would be the word I would choose for them. But, that seems to be what they have been dubbed so I'll just go with it. Another cliche I despise but fits....it is what it is.
Her and I, just like many, have had to eradicate toxic people from our lives. Whether its done in swarms or one by one, the feeling is exactly the same. We are the ones who feel hurt and a little sad, or maybe angry and a little lost, whenever a funny memory jogs the toxic barrel or someone mentions their name. I can't speak for how those in that barrel feel, tankfully..haha...but it doesn't matter. This is about us. Just us. For us, it matters because we value friendships. I mean really, truly, value them. When we let someone in, and give our heart in friendship, its set in stone...for the most part. Unless some morally challenging or truly vile actions or behaviors in a repetitive succession deems it otherwise.
So....while I was I the shower mulling over our recent conversations about things that have happened to her that are causing her to reevaluate some of her friendships, I remembered some of mine. Now, I'll admit, I am a hard person to be friends with. Or, at least, I think I am. I have standards. I'm not the person who 'needs' friends or is validated by the number of friends I have. I takes a lot for me to be a friend because I have serious trust issues mixed with an old fashioned value system that I won't..or don't...usually make exceptions for. Also, I'm a Diabetic bitch who tells it like it is and calls it like I see it. That makes it hard to make real friends. haha!
However, I do have a lot of acquaintances. Those are a different type of friend and those are not the ones I'm talking about here.
I don't even have a point with all of this seriousness. Or maybe I do.
I guess what I realized in the shower...the place where I do my best thinking and only relaxing...is that its ok to remember the good times of these past friendships. Just as it was ok to terminate a friendship that wasn't healthy for you. Don't ever feel badly or guilty about the termination because its what you are doing, gathering, teaching and learning on your path that matters. I look at my life in conjunction with those I have left and see a huge difference. What I have seen, done, accomplished, tried and even failed at is SO much more than that which has remained the same. That is what matters. That is all that matters, actually.
This realization on a rainy, dark day has justified my choices and strengthened my values and has enabled me to become the person I am. Life lessons are difficult. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we fall but every step is worth the journey. In my case, a fantastical journey. I have beautiful, deep, strong and meaningful friendships that are not one sided or selfish. These amazing men and women know that while I am not perfect, I'm pretty stinkin' close! Bahaha! AND these amazing men and women KNOW that while we don't talk or see each other every day, they know I cherish them, think of them daily, truly love them and would do my very best to move heaven and earth if they ever needed my help.
But, just remember, guys, I'm broke...and in Tennessee. Ugh.
This has been 'Shower Thoughts by Kelly'. Tune in next week for 'Bathroom Breaks by Kelly'.
Jaysus...I need to get a job.