September 28, 2012

44 & Fabulous?

Something wonderful is bound to happen this year, I'm sure of it.  Simply because I turned double digits on Saturday.  44.  Whoa.  That's gotta mean something amazing, right?  That's gotta mean this year is going to be spectacular, right?  Just agree with me and move on. 

I had to work on my birthday but that's ok.  We had an event so it was actually fun to be working.  That night, Abe and Amanda took me out for my all time favorite dinner.  SUSHI!   Nom nom nom.  I never thought I could eat just one thing for the rest of my life but if I ever had to make that choice, I'd choose sushi.  Without a doubt.  If you are what you eat, I'm definitely sushi. 

The next day we had our company picnic.  I had pomegranite margaritas...yum.  I went in the bouncy house....exhausting.  I played baseball...I rock.  I had so much fun but one thing I did realize is that my ass is truly 44.  I almost died in the bouncy house.  It was so much fun but so exhausting!  I climbed out of that thing breathing like I've been smoking for 100 years.  I totally had to sit down and take a drink. haha!  I don't care though.  I don't think you are ever too old for a bouncy house or a trampoline.  Baseball was fun, too.  I can still hit the ball and still run.  That's pretty good for an old chick who hasn't played on a baseball team since 5th grade.  Yep.  I was the tallest girl on the team and they made me short stop.  Oh, the irony.

Anyway.  B-day was full of good stuff.  I do, however, think birthdays should be like a national holiday.  You get the day off PAID.  You get to decorate and put up twinkly lights.  You get your favorite food and your favorite cake.  You know.  Like Halloween or the 4th of July or Christmas because there are presents!!

I passed my motorcycle permit test.  I think they made most of the answers 'A' just to eff with me.  20 questions, 18 'A's".  Doesn't matter though because I passed so suck on that DMV.  I take the course tomorrow.  This should be an adventure considering I've never been on the bike.  Oh, wait, scratch that.  I have sat on Harley's in the showroom and rode on the back of bikes but never drove one.  Oh, and it's supposed to rain.  Welcome to my world.

Speaking of my world, the other day I was cleaning house...always a typical dance party USA event...and a song came on that totally woke up my inner strip. I could have totally found a job in Vegas after I got laid off!  haha!  Seriously, though, I honestly don't think my house would ever be clean if I didn't have music on the TV.  Unless, of course, I hire a maid when I hit lotto.  Which I'm going to.  Soon.  Before the end of the year.  Yep.  It's true.

One last thing that's on my mind....who else spends more time looking for movies on Netflix than actually watching them? 


September 15, 2012

Hard Rolls, Hogs and Other Horseshit

I have gotten into the habit of eating a hard roll every morning since working at Harley.  Abe and I stop at the Hess station each morning because they have Dunkin' Donuts cawfee.  Each morning, I grab one of their hard rolls.  They seem to be able to reach the perfect balance between roll and butter.  We also made friends with the people that work there so it's like a happy little visit.  Our caffeine and my butter addiction are met, plus, we get smiles and laughs.  Great way to start a day. 

Now my question is merely this....why is it called a hard roll? It's not hard.  It's not really a roll.  I don't get it.  It's definitely a New York thing.  I think if I went to Alabama and asked for a hard roll, the little Southern lady behind the counter would say something like 'Why's you wanna be eating a roll that's hard for?'


Does anyone feel like they are getting peer pressured at a drive through?  Last night, Abey and I went grocery shopping.  Since we get off work at 6p, it was too late for me to cook dinner so we grabbed fast food.  First of all, I loathe fast food.  It all tastes like greasy ass, no matter which venue you choose.  Second, it's totally rotten for you and if you are what you eat, I don't want to be a freaking Whopper or a Chicken Nugget.  Psh.  The only fast food chain I prefer.....and the only one I'd want to In & Out.  Unfortunately, that's only on the West Coast, though. Boo. At any rate, we end up choosing Wendy's.  As soon as I pull up, before I can even get my window down and look at the menu, the speaker lady wants to help me.  Thanks for the pressure, lady.  I want to say 'Give me a minute.' but then I hear silence.  Then I see cars in line behind me.  Then I get anxious.  Then I can't concentrate on anything other than choosing something.  Then I get all crazy and can't really focus on the menu.  Then I end up saying the first thing I set my eyes on and pull up to the window all distraught.

WTH, Wendy?  W. T. H.

I guess it's easy for all the fatty's who have the fast food restaurants memorized but they need to give us 'once in a desperate blue moon' diners the option of time.  Psh again.

Amanda and I are getting our motorcycle license.  I know, cray cray, right?  I don't know if working at Harley Davidson has prompted us into become biker babes or if the moons alignment is all askew but yep.  At the end of the week, we will both be licensed motorcycle drivers. 

Amanda wants to get a motorcycle, which I think is hysterical.  First, she has this little black ghetto thug car and now she wants a motorcycle.  It's so funny that she's this tiny, little, sweet and cute blonde.  Makes me laugh.  I just want a scooter.  I've wanted a scooter and a kayak for years!  Moving to Seattle solidified my want and here I am, years later, still wanting.  BUT, I'll be one step closer to having one. 

We are total effing bad asses.


September 5, 2012

Fat, Broke & Happy

I think it's funny that so many people think I have money....or that my family has money. I must be pretty awesome at remaining the same or adapting well or basically just looking fabu.

Or maybe all three.

I went from owning a 3 bedroom house in NV to renting a 3 bedroom house in NY. I left all of the furniture I bought at Ashley Furniture and purchased all new furniture at yard sales. I have had the same car for 6 years and, yes, it's paid for. I used to get massages every month, go to Disney every 3 months, have sushi and go to the movies every Friday night, get my hair done and get waxed religiously. My pedicure always looked cute and I had a closet full of shoes. That's just a fraction of my previous life luxurys.

Now I own 2 pair of jeans, haven't seen a movie outside of my home in ages, desperately need a massage, a waxing and a pedi. I haven't had my hair professionally done in years. My sushi outings are far and few between...not to AND my feet totally forgot what sassy new shoes feel like.

The reason I can go to Myrtle Beach or take a day trip to the city is because of these things. Because my hair is a mess, I dress like a hobo and, if it werent for cheap razors, I'd have a 1970's karma sutra bush. 


I went from making $65,000 a year to making $22,000 a year and still surviving. I work constantly doing accounting and I hate math! I have outrageous medical bills every month and I barely stay above water most months. It's more expensive to live in NY and winter is coming, which scares the shit out of me because a couple months of heating fuel costs a grand.  I don't believe in God but I'm even praying for just a small portion of a lotto jackpot!

I just wish I could see my life...and myself...the way others see it.

Maybe then I wouldn't be so worried about being broke....or fat.

Speaking of lotto, Amanda won $100 on a scratch off the other day! Her first one since turning 18. I have to admit, I was jealous. Especially since I bought it for her! Rawr!  She was so excited though and she's buying me a present so I can't really complain. Then, the very next day Abe won $40! Yay for lotto!  But WTF for me?? haha!

I swear, I've gambled more in NY then I ever did in Vegas. 
Well, my favorite season is almost here.  I'll be turning 44 just as the leaves will be turning red, gold and orange.  I'm trying to think about words of wisdom I could share about my 44 years of gracing the planet with my presence.  But, moreso, I'm thinking about driving up to Salem to get the full effect of Autumn and Halloween.  Ooops.  There I go, again, making millions.  Haha!

Oh well.  I just spend my money differently than some.  I'd rather have experiences than materialistic things.  I'd rather have memories instead of Botox.  I'd rather have pictures then gold and silver. That's just how I am.  I want to live.  Even if that means I have to eat Ramen.  You can make some amazing shit with Ramen, anyway.  Plus, I need to lose some weight.

Speaking of fat....I've gained 13 pounds since June!  My effing Diabetes and Thyroid are continuously screwing with me.  I wish I had money for a cupcake though.  Slurp. 

Truth is....I'm fat, broke and happy. 

But, please, do continue with these visions of fabulosity.  Kinda makes me feel good about myself believing that I'm rich and I'm drinking Walmart water and pondering my holey, stained, thrift store jeans.