August 4, 2012

Life's Umbilical Cord

It's a pretty drastic event when your daughter graduates high school, gets a drivers license, gets her first car AND turns 18.  This is the latest joyous catastrophe. 

High school graduation.  How could a mother not be proud?  How could I not be proud?  In Vegas she would have graduated with an AP diploma and been one of the elite.  In Accord she graduated with a Regents diploma and is one of the average.  I know she is not average.  She knows she is not average.  Anyone who meets and converses with her for 2.5 seconds knows she is not average.  She excels above and beyond any teen that I have ever known and I'm not just saying that because I created her.  I'm saying that because it's true. 

She was voted nicest smile and best personality.  Yes...she is the creation of the girl who was voted most likely to get a divorce from the same high school 26 years ago.  Ahem.

Drivers license.  She probably shouldn't have passed but the lady was super nice.  I was proud of her for this feat because I didn't think she was ready. I really didn't.  She scares me and I don't scare easily.  I was proud but also crapping my pants because this was a major responsibility that only she could be in charge of.  Yikes.

Car.  Yep.  She bought a car with her own money that she has been saving.  Whoa.  Majorly proud.  It's a little black Honda.  Older, a little beat up, but it's hers.  She named it Darth and even put a Darth bobble head on her dash.  Ahhhhh-dorable.  The car was lowered, has a kick ass stereo and even came with thug life music.  How funny that a cute, vintage, smiley blonde is now tooling around in it. 

18.  This month.  I'm taking her to get her first tattoo. She can vote. She can go to jail.  She can drive without restrictions.  She can sign legal docs.  She can go to war.  This is major shit that I'm not sure she is aware of or ready for yet!  BUT...she's paid for her first semester at college.  She has a job.  She's still a candidate for Hoarders but she is taking off and flying her own flight.

I never thought I could be more proud, more scared, more excited, more nervous, more in love with a person all at the same time but I am.  Now I just have to cut the umbilical cord and let her live her life. 


Maybe I could just sever it a bit......maybe.  Maybe??

I don't think I'm ready for another life changing event.  Living without my daughter.  I mean, I won't live without her, per se, but you know what I mean.  It's funny because I can let go of many things.  Boyfriends, feelings, friends, jobs, ideas, homes, memories. kid?  That's going to take some therapy. haha.  She is undoubetdly my soul mate.  The only person on the planet that I could possibly stand seeing every day for the past 17 years.  I swear to gawd, she's the only person I could tolerate. 

Now I have Abe, though.  He's the second person on the planet and hopefully I will stand seeing him for the next 17 years.

That's another crazy thought, too.  My 2nd person came waltzing into my life just in time for my 1st person to waltz into her life.  Weird.

Speaking of weird.  Have you ever said something to someone and wonder whose weird voice that was?  I did.  I just said thank you to someone in this high pitch, nutzo voice.  Who the hell was that??  I feel like the Little Mermaid. 

Anyway.  I'm just pondering life.  I have so many things flying around in my head that I can't seem to get a grip on them and process them.  Plus, I drank 4 nasty martini's last night so I'm tired, I have a headache and feeling slightly emo.  Blah. I honestly think I need to relax, breathe and find a creative outlet that I have been missing recently.

At least that will keep me from feeling sad about severing the umbilical cord.

I know my daughter will do amazing things, and, more importantly, continue to be the amazing person she is regardless of what life throws her way.  That's who she is.  Of that I have no doubt.  :)