January 18, 2012

Really Reality?

You know what I can't stand? Well....you know one of the things I can't stand? Replacements.

Not these guys.

For example....tonight is the premiere of American Idol. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I love Steven Tyler. I loved him when he was young. I love him now that he's old. I will love him always. Period. The End. If given the chance to eff his brains out, I would. Without hesitation or reservation. Which is why he is at the top of my 'Men I'd Love To Pork' list. Mmmhhhmmmm. True story.

Anyway. As much as I love Steven Tyler, American Idol isn't him. It isn't J-Blo either. It's sassy Simon and drunken mess Paula. It just is. Same thing with Project Runway Allstars. Who the hell are these people? I love Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. That's Project Runway. Michael Kors. Nina Garcia. They are the glue of the show. These other people, who I don't even care to know their names, are not. I'm not into the Allstars show because the people are different.

These guys.

It's like the Vacation movies. Every movie had different people playing the kids! If you're gonna do a sequel, you MUST have the same actors playing the roles. Clarice is Jodi Foster not Julianne Moore. And seriously...how many Bonds or Batmans are there?


While I'm on the AI rampage, let's talk about another thing I can't stand. I can't stand Jennifer Hudson. I used to like her when she was a fatty. Now her and her Weight Watchers commercial make me want to slap the Weight Watchers calorie counter out of her hand. I'll admit that being a fatty is unhealthy and the #1 way to become a Type 2 Diabetic but seriously, congrats. No, really. Congrats. You look amazing. Now get the hell off of my TV every 5 minutes with your damn song.



Oh, and speaking of reality shows, how out of line has reality tv gotten? I mean, I love reality shows. Obvs Project Runway, I love Survivor, Amazing Race, Big Brother, Hells Kitchen. I can even watch Top Chef and Fear Factor. But....Pitbulls and Parolees? Really? The Bad Girls Club? Are you kidding me? Lizard Lick Towing? Enough already. Jaysus Cripes. TV has given reality a bad name. *teehee*

Let's see.....what else....what else.....

Oh! I had a really crazy dream last night. I have had a Dream Dictionary for years but always forget to write in it. I'll use this post for now. Weirdest. Dream. Ever. I'm a vivid dreamer. I dream almost every night and they are fantastical journeys that my mind takes while I'm REM. In fact, it's one of my favorite things about me. My dreams.

I dream when I'm happy. I figured this out when I was unhappy and never dreamt. It scared me and I knew something wasn't quite right. Thankfully, things have been right for a year and I'm dreaming away.

Oh! So, last night. SO WEIRD. I was in a hotel with a guy and a girl. I have no idea who these people are in real life but I knew them in my dream. Anyway, we start running up the stair case and run into this room. Another guy was following us and we didn't like him. So, he finds us, comes in the room, lays on the couch, and starts doing the blah de blah. Now the hotel room looks like an apartment. The guy friend and I are in the kitchen which overlooks the living room. The girl is on the balcony. The guy starts telling me that he is going to set couch layer on fire. I'm all like 'Ok, cool.' He walk out onto the balcony with a magnifying glass and starts lighting the couch guy on fire! I'm still in the kitchen watching couch guy burst into flames and it didn't really bother me. Those two are on the balcony giggling and saying 'See? I told you it would work!'

Then I woke up.






I think the thing that disturbs me most about this dream is that I was in the kitchen and didn't get anything to eat or drink. Really now.

No. Just kidding. Who were these freaking people? And does a magnifying glass & sun really catch things on fire?!?!?

One last thing that actually made me giggle last night. Don't be a perv. After my jaw dropped...I giggled. I told A that I wanted to get a part time job. Just for extra money so I could buy shoes or we could go on vacay. He said...and I quote...'You're too frail. It's my job to take care of you.' Frail?? Bahahaha! ME? Bahahahaha! Is he joking? Has he met me? These are the things I asked and he said 'You know what I mean.' Aww. Poor man. He has NO idea how opposite of frail I am.

Ok. I have to go back to work. Thanks, Blogger, for letting me expunge my brain.



  1. Can I buy my way onto your "Men I Would Pork" list?

  2. I thought you were on my 'Pork' list, Cary?! But...if you want to send cash...be my guest. :)

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