January 24, 2012

Tuesday in my Brain.

I have come to the conclusion that getting to work on time simply makes the day longer. And to think, all these years I’ve been a stickler for being on time. I can’t stand it when people are late. It's so roo, and, when I’m late, it totally stresses me out. But…maybe I am missing out on the whole ‘fashionably late’ thing. Maybe I will give it a shot. I am totally fashionable and I could totally be late.


Hey, did you know that over 19 million people, worldwide, share the same birthday as you? Doesn’t make you feel special at all, does it? So, answer me this….if 19 million people are born on the same day….how can horoscopes be remotely correct? Is the same damn thing happening to 19 million people on the same damn day? That’s absurd. But, if it is true then how can horoscopes be accurate? I also wonder if fortune tellers and palm readers are accurate. They all pretty much say the same basic bullshit that could generally apply to anyone. It’s still kind of fun, though. Right?

I wish it was my birthday. I want a present.

You know what bugs me? When people don’t watch where I’m going when I’m texting and walking. Psh. What?! They can’t see what I’m doing and get the hell out of my way? Seriously. If I see someone texting and walking, I move out of their way!


I also don’t like it when I disappear in crowds and people run right into me. I always look at Amanda and say ‘Did I phase out again?’ I can’t believe I’m that unnoticeable. I’d rather believe that people are just roo. I wish I had to ability to disappear on my terms. It’d be awesome to listen to conversations that I’m not invited to or avoid people I don’t want to see. I wish I could text and walk and disappear whenever I wanted to. That’d be sweet.

I also wish I’d hit lotto. Soon. Cause I’m tired of working and being poor.

Let’s talk about SOPA/PIPA for a second. I think the Government trying to control the internet is SOPAthetic. I didn’t realize we lived in China. Our country is turning into an effing George Orwell novel. Does anyone notice that? I wonder what our country will be like for my daughter. Perhaps she has the right idea about moving to Europe. Maybe my gypsy self would do well in another country.


In other news, I wish I had a friend with benefits. By benefits, I mean a friend who owns a coffee shop. A friend that lets me have an unlimited supply of free coffee and donuts every day.

I want chocolate and I’m a caffeine addict.


January 18, 2012

Really Reality?

You know what I can't stand? Well....you know one of the things I can't stand? Replacements.

Not these guys.

For example....tonight is the premiere of American Idol. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I love Steven Tyler. I loved him when he was young. I love him now that he's old. I will love him always. Period. The End. If given the chance to eff his brains out, I would. Without hesitation or reservation. Which is why he is at the top of my 'Men I'd Love To Pork' list. Mmmhhhmmmm. True story.

Anyway. As much as I love Steven Tyler, American Idol isn't him. It isn't J-Blo either. It's sassy Simon and drunken mess Paula. It just is. Same thing with Project Runway Allstars. Who the hell are these people? I love Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. That's Project Runway. Michael Kors. Nina Garcia. They are the glue of the show. These other people, who I don't even care to know their names, are not. I'm not into the Allstars show because the people are different.

These guys.

It's like the Vacation movies. Every movie had different people playing the kids! If you're gonna do a sequel, you MUST have the same actors playing the roles. Clarice is Jodi Foster not Julianne Moore. And seriously...how many Bonds or Batmans are there?


While I'm on the AI rampage, let's talk about another thing I can't stand. I can't stand Jennifer Hudson. I used to like her when she was a fatty. Now her and her Weight Watchers commercial make me want to slap the Weight Watchers calorie counter out of her hand. I'll admit that being a fatty is unhealthy and the #1 way to become a Type 2 Diabetic but seriously, congrats. No, really. Congrats. You look amazing. Now get the hell off of my TV every 5 minutes with your damn song.



Oh, and speaking of reality shows, how out of line has reality tv gotten? I mean, I love reality shows. Obvs Project Runway, I love Survivor, Amazing Race, Big Brother, Hells Kitchen. I can even watch Top Chef and Fear Factor. But....Pitbulls and Parolees? Really? The Bad Girls Club? Are you kidding me? Lizard Lick Towing? Enough already. Jaysus Cripes. TV has given reality a bad name. *teehee*

Let's see.....what else....what else.....

Oh! I had a really crazy dream last night. I have had a Dream Dictionary for years but always forget to write in it. I'll use this post for now. Weirdest. Dream. Ever. I'm a vivid dreamer. I dream almost every night and they are fantastical journeys that my mind takes while I'm REM. In fact, it's one of my favorite things about me. My dreams.

I dream when I'm happy. I figured this out when I was unhappy and never dreamt. It scared me and I knew something wasn't quite right. Thankfully, things have been right for a year and I'm dreaming away.

Oh! So, last night. SO WEIRD. I was in a hotel with a guy and a girl. I have no idea who these people are in real life but I knew them in my dream. Anyway, we start running up the stair case and run into this room. Another guy was following us and we didn't like him. So, he finds us, comes in the room, lays on the couch, and starts doing the blah de blah. Now the hotel room looks like an apartment. The guy friend and I are in the kitchen which overlooks the living room. The girl is on the balcony. The guy starts telling me that he is going to set couch layer on fire. I'm all like 'Ok, cool.' He walk out onto the balcony with a magnifying glass and starts lighting the couch guy on fire! I'm still in the kitchen watching couch guy burst into flames and it didn't really bother me. Those two are on the balcony giggling and saying 'See? I told you it would work!'

Then I woke up.






I think the thing that disturbs me most about this dream is that I was in the kitchen and didn't get anything to eat or drink. Really now.

No. Just kidding. Who were these freaking people? And does a magnifying glass & sun really catch things on fire?!?!?

One last thing that actually made me giggle last night. Don't be a perv. After my jaw dropped...I giggled. I told A that I wanted to get a part time job. Just for extra money so I could buy shoes or we could go on vacay. He said...and I quote...'You're too frail. It's my job to take care of you.' Frail?? Bahahaha! ME? Bahahahaha! Is he joking? Has he met me? These are the things I asked and he said 'You know what I mean.' Aww. Poor man. He has NO idea how opposite of frail I am.

Ok. I have to go back to work. Thanks, Blogger, for letting me expunge my brain.


January 12, 2012

Thursday Thoughts.

Why does the conditioner run out before the shampoo? Huh? Ladies? Why? Drives me up the wall. If I were the maker of shampoos and conditioners, I would do the following:

Make the conditioner bottle larger than the shampoo bottle!!!
Make them pretty colors.
Make them smell amazing.
Make them actually work and do the things they say they will do. You want bouncy hair? That shit will bounce out of the shower. You want straight & silky hair. BOOM! Straight as a board and silky soft!

Stupid Herbal Essence. Or Garnier. Or whomever!! I can't count the number of half used shampoo bottles hanging about in my bathroom. It's impossible for an anal retentive Virgo like myself to use a different conditioner. They are supposed to match AND they are supposed to disappear at the same rate. *sigh* RAWR!

I went to the Dr. yesterday. I have a really bad cold and needed some antibiotics. My pharmacy is right next to Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, thank heaven! (Forget you 7-11!) While I was waiting for my script, I popped into DD to get my signature Blueberry Cawfee and a Boston Creme. Which!!!! by the way, I need to write Dunkin' Donuts a strongly worded email! The old DD lady gave me BAVARIAN creme instead of BOSTON! No bueno! They better give me some coupons. Anyway. One of the young girls behind the counter smiled at me and said 'HI! I haven't seen you in so long! You used to come in every morning. Where've you been?' I didn't know if this was cool....or just really sad. DD is like my Cheers....and I'm Norm. *sigh*

I have decided that I am a 16 year old in a 43 year old body. I am. I won't lie. I love being online. I love Facebook. I love Blogger. I love Tumblr. Tumblr is the oddest because all it is is posting pictures of cool stuff. Lame but I do it. Is it because I truly am 16 or is it because I'm bored out of my freaking MIND! Like bat shit crazy!! Plus, I'm a stalker. Online. Only. I don't have the time or gas money to stalk in real life. So, I do it online. Yep yep. I probably need a grown up hobby. Like knitting. Or join a red hat club. Or...collect stamps.

Ok. Am I the only jackass that tries to carry 20 plastic grocery bags in at one time instead of making 2 trips to the car?

And here's another question. What does the PU stand for in 'PU. That stinks.'?

I need a nap. Damn me for all the naps I hated or fought against when I was little. I would love to get those times back right now. *yawn*


January 10, 2012

My Sky is Freaking Awesome.

'You're the loves of her life. And a guy's just lucky to come in fourth.' ~Mr. Big

Probably one of the most profound...and most accurate...lines Mr. Big has ever uttered on 'Sex and the City'.

My friends are the loves of my life. The only difference between Carrie & I is that I have Amanda. Amanda is THE love of my life. It's true. She is. I mean...why wouldn't she be? Have you met her? ;) My step-mother says that children choose their parents. Amanda was spot on when she chose me. Not only because I am fabulous but, also because I don't know that anyone could have been more suited to me than her. So, well done, Amanda!

Now, on to my friends. I know I have said this before but it's worthy of being said again. I have some kick ass friends. Everyone knows that friendships change throughout one's life. As you evolve and change, so do your close relationships. People come, people go, connections fade, connections grow...I'm a poet, apparently. Anyway, I grew up having one major best friend and a collection of fabulous clsoe friends. Many of us are still BFFE's. Some of us are closer than others, but we certainly all kept to the FE part.

In Vegas, I have a superior collection of friends I call my Sin City Core. These women are my soulmates. Soulmates I was fortunate enough to find in a vast empty desert. Some mates I have lost, some mates I have gained, but all of them I have loved deeply. It took a long time to find these magnificent humans and I refuse to let them go. No matter what the distance between us is...and the way I move around, this is a good thing!

Back in NY, I have....again...lost a few and gained a few. A few wonderful friends who continue to amaze me daily with their loving hearts and sincere friendship. New Yorkers are tough and they love just as tough. So, knowing that these wonderful humans, my Apple Core, love me is mindblowing and humbling. I refuse to let them go, too. Oh, and they also have a surprising knack of showing up just when I need them most. ;)

While I have been lucky in friends and unlucky in love my entire life, I can finally say now I am lucky in both. Abe is my very best friend and the love of my life. Who knew?! I wish I would have known back in 1988. I would have stayed with him instead of leaving him for another colossal waste of time and life. Oh, how both of our lives would have been different. But, I wasn't ready for him then. I am now. Abe doesn't come in 4th, like Big thinks he does. No, no. Abe is tied with Amanda and my friends. He's part of the whole. He's everything I need and want in my life. Right along side all of these other glorious stars in my sky.


My sky is a freaking awesome masterpiece!!

I don't know what I did to deserve these people in my life but it must have been stunningly wonderful! Lucky me! I wonder what the heck they did to deserve me! Oy! Probably something naughty because I'm nothing but trouble. haha! BUT, I'm a loyal, honest, loving, will do anything for her core, kind of trouble.

So, cheers to friendships!! And to the loves of your life. *clink*


January 4, 2012

Deep Thoughts

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I saw this quote the other day and it made me smile...then frown. I hate when that shit happens. Ya know that feeling? When something so wonderful has the ability to make you so sad.

I want to gain but never lose. That's selfish, I know, but I hate to hurt. I'm sure everyone hates to hurt and yet, we all do. We all are sensitive to some extent. We all have feelings that get hurt by the slightest slip. We all question, doubt, fear, hate. We are all afraid, on some level, of being hurt. And, oddly enough, there isn't one person who hasn't been hurt. So...we know what it is. We know what it does. We know what it destroys. We know what it creates. Why is it so hard for us to just feel it and carry on? Why do we fear it so?


I pride myself in being this amazingly strong human being....with a huge heart...and the ability to love fully, completely, loyally and forever. It's like I am this warrior on the outside. Yet, I'm this scared, little girl on the inside. I'm a freaking enigma! No wonder I sometimes feel like I'm insane! haha

Whenever I become really close to someone and a bond is formed, whether it's friendship or otherwise, I always describe myself as a hard candy with a soft, gooey inside. Lame but true. I hope I'm chocolate...with really good caramel.

Another thought is why...we always focus on the loss and not the gain? I have lost so much in the past 1.5 years but what I have gained is overwhelmingly more significant than the loss. Yet...I always come back to the loss. I, more often than not, focus on the hurt. The wrong. The negative. Why is that? I'm more than certain I'm not the only one who does this insane crap. We breed on negativity. It surrounds the human race like a black cloud. You hear more people complain than spread goodness.

I just Googled the opposite of complain. That's really sad. I probably need counseling after that realization. Ugh.


But, you know it's true. More people bitch and moan about life than praise and cheer about it. So, what if....what if...everyone chose to praise and cheer. It's a new year. New beginnings. New hopes. New dreams. New everything. I won't say try for the entire year because that would just cause you to stress and bitch and moan, so let's simply start with a day. Once you've accomplished that, let's move it up to a week, then a month and then let's just keep going.

If you feel moody, choose happiness. If you feel like complaining, don't. If you feel nasty and hurt, have a piece of hard chocolate with really good caramel in the middle.

Let's all try and resolute to focus on the gain.

Whaddaya say?

I am...and I will.

I've lost a damn lot. But I have gained SO much more that is SO much more wonderful.

2012 is gonna be amazing.


January 2, 2012

WTH is He?

I think the word 'boyfriend' is lame.

I do. I think it's a good word to use when you are young..but if you are past 30....he's no longer a boy. If you are dating....he's no longer a friend. I mean..he's more than a friend. Yea?

I also think it's lame because I have enough boy friends. In fact, I probably have more boy friends than I do girl friends. So there. I also have enough man friends...so I'm good there, too.

So, what term is appropriate?

I want more than a boy friend. I want more than a man friend. I want more.

All the seemingly appropriate terms are used for gay relationships.

Domestic partner.
Life partner.

I don't like Significant Other. SO......blah and lame in itself.

I don't like Partner. That sounds like we are going into business together.

I don't like Lover. That suggests sex only...and while sometimes that is the case...haha...it's not always.

He's not my fiance. Though he likes to say he is by calling my daughter his 'step daughter', my father his 'father in law' and me is 'fiance'. Though he's talked about it, a lot, and asked permission from my mother & daughter....it's not true.

He's not my fiance.

He's not my husband.

He's not my room mate.

He's not my fuck buddy.


What the hell is he?

Just Abe.

I guess.