November 30, 2011

Bi-Polar Express

I love nights out with my friends. Old friends, new friends, doesn't matter. It's a nice, refreshing break from everyday life and I embrace it.

Every damn chance I get.

I had one of those nights recently. Apple Core night was hysterical. While the number of attendees was small, the laughter was large. Thank gawd because I needed it. I have to say, though, that never in my life...and I've had a pretty wild life....have I seen a woman take a $5 bill, toss it on the floor just so our cute waiter would pick it up and we could check out his ass. AND I've been in Vegas for the past 20 years! haha! Who does that?!

My friend does and it was awesome.

The ladies then started chastising me because I wouldn't look. I have a gorgeous man at home to look at for free! There is no reason for me to look at anyone else that isn't Johnny Depp. I then got schooled in the arts of eye candy. Look but don't touch. So, next time, Deb, have your bills ready to be tossed because I will most definitely make you proud and look!

She is also responsible for this blog title. Another priceless gem that she spurt out while we were talking narcotics over alochol. haha! I haven't done drugs in 20+ years but I'm seriously thinking about trying Xanax. The girls were telling me how fabu Xanax, Prozac and the like were. I guess they are like little happy pills and what woman doesn't need a little happy pill once in a while? We are getting older, life is stressing harder and moods are raging tragically.

And I don't want to ride the bi-polar express!

Yes, I started a sentence with 'And'. Sue me, Mrs. Zerbe.

Anyway, I would need to get the nerve up to take unnecessary drugs. By unnecessary, I mean drugs that are not required for me to live. Which is funny because I can jump out of a perfectly good airplane but I am scared about taking narcotics. haha! Oy...maybe I need counseling instead of narcotics.

Speaking of getting older, who in the hell ordered this gray hair??? I typically don't get too freaked about the aging process. It happens to the best of us...and I still look freaking amazing. haha! But, this past year has turned me into an old, tired, woman. As if the wrinkles on my face & hands weren't enough, I had to find a silver hair the other morning. ARGH!!! I found hair tinsel!

I know the holidays are approaching but I don't want hair tinsel. Guess I'm going to need Xanax AND Clairol. haha! Wait..does anyone even use Clairol anymore? The name alone reminds me of a 1950's housewife.

Oh, and yes. It is true. ;)

Did you ever have an itchy part of your back that you couldn't reach so you asked the love of your life to scratch it for you? Do you ever wonder why, no matter how much they wiggle their twitching nails around, they just can't seem to hit the right spot. This frustrating endeavor can last for minutes, until, ultimately, it ends with a huff and you then begin to flail around like a contortionist trying to get some relief. This led me to the back scratchy spot akin to the elusive G spot?

Yes, it's also true that some men still have no idea. Thank GAWD I don't have one of those men. La la.

I am not even finished writing this crap yet and I'm already thinking of other crap to write.'m not bored at work today. Ahem. Not. At. All. I'm thinking I should have a secret submission. Like I tell a secret and you tell a secret. That might be a fun blog but audience participation would make it or break it. I was also thinking about another 'My Favorites' blog. I have a lot of new favs I'd be happy to share. Lastly, I was thinking about a 'Places I Steal From' blog. Yep....I'm a klepto.

I don't know. Maybe today...maybe tomorrow. 'To blog or not to blog'....that is the question. However, methinks 'To nap or not to nap' should be the question. At least I have the answer to that one.