July 17, 2011

Ruler of the World

I wish people looked like their personality. Wouldn't that be awesome? I think everyone should be able to see, in one glance, the wondrous person you are....or...the piece of shit you are. For example, the woman who works at DD that gives me my scrumdiddlyumptious Blueberry cawfee in the morning. She is the sweetest, nicest & kindest woman I've had the pleasure of noticing in my life....but she is unfortunate in the looks department. Then you have the beautiful, gorgeous eye candy, who works at none of your business, and is such a bitch that you just can't believe it's true. How can someone so beautiful on the outside be so ugly on the inside? And vice versa. How can someone unattractive on the outside be so beautiful on the inside? I honestly don't think it's fair. Thank gawd I am stunning inside & out. haha! Notice I didn't say stunning in a good or a bad way. ;)

Anyway. Whoever made the looks/personality rule needs to be smacked in the head. People with beautiful souls should have beautiful faces. People with crappy personalities should totally have crappy faces. That's how my rule would work. Psh. Would save a lot of time.

I knew I should have been ruler of the world.

Have you noticed that songs get ruined? If a song is in a movie, or a video game, or commercial, there is a good chance that song will forever be tainted in my head. For example, I'm driving down the road and 'Talk Dirty To Me' comes on the iPod. Is the first thing that comes to mind Poison and What The Cat Dragged In? Do I remember being totally stoned at their Orange County Fair concert & head banging with my girlfriends? Do I recall 80's glam bands & out of control hair? Do I remember when Bret Michaels was hot and not an aging rock star wanna be? No. I don't. The first thing that pops into this crazy mind of mine is Guitar Hero and the key sequence. Wiiii! Same thing with Slow Ride.

It doesn't stop there. Movies taint the music, too. Who doesn't think of Joe Dirt when 'Who Do You Love' comes on? You'd be lying if you said this wasn't the first vision that popped into your head as soon as you heard comes across your favorite classic station.


I'm just saying, I wonder if these bands and artist know that one simple choice changes everything. 'The Joker'? Homer Simpson? Come on.

Oh, and I have to ask. Does anyone else get creeped out by dolls? I don't know if it's because they look like imitation people. Or if it's because they blankly stare at you with their creepy eyes. Or if it's because of this...

AHHHHHH! I seriously have to tell you...I hate dolls. I truly believe they suck your soul out at night when you're sleeping. Sort of like cats do. There is not one part of me that would ever want to visit that doll room lady. You know the one. She is about 100 years old and has an entire room filled with creepy staring dolls with creepy smiles and creepy stands attached to their creepy necks or creepy backs.

AHHHHHH! I was never a doll kid growing up. I'm not talking Barbies, either. Barbies, for whatever reason, are different. The only thing creepy about Barbies are their feet. No...I'm talking doll dolls. Amanda was never into dolls either. Thank gawd. I don't believe, in my 42 years of life, I have ever given anyone a doll as a present either. Oh, and yes. I also loathe those ventriloquist dolls. In fact, I loathe ventriloquists. Why don't they have real people as friends? Hmmm? Exactly.


Anyway, before I crawl under the covers and hide, let me finish. Since I'm assuming most people agree with my creepy doll opinion, why would you give them to people? Amanda & I went to a business grand opening and they were giving away prizes. Sign your name on a piece of paper, toss it in the bucket & you could be a winner, winner, chicken dinner! Ok! Yay! We did. Later that day, Amanda gets a phone call saying that we won. Yay again!! She said I won a book and she won fairy dust. Fun! Awesome! Let's go pick them up! And...away we went.

Amanda runs into the place and comes out a few minutes later with a look of horror on her sweet face. She gets into my car, hands me a book and then shows me this pink nightmare. She didn't win fairy dust. She won a fairy doll. This one, in fact.

AHHHHHH! We didn't know what to do with it so we put it in my closet. Granted, it could be worse. But, now, every time I go to get clothes, this blonde creeper grabs the closet door, taunts me with her evil eyes, curly locks and her creepy stand. I want to throw her away but I'm afraid of retaliation. It's like when I kill a spider. I think it's family will come back and seek revenge. I feel the same way about this doll.

Maybe I'll accidentally forget her when we move. Accidentally. Yea...accidentally.


If I were ruler of the world, there certainly wouldn't be any dolls.


1 comment:

  1. I agree with you on the looks vs personality thing. I used to talk to people online and think they were the sweetest most adorable person in the world and when we would meet their faces wouldn't match. It was heartbreaking.

    Don't get me started on dolls. My mom started a porcelain doll collection for my sister. At my moms house there is a display cabinet filled with these ugly evil dolls. They scare the living crap out of me. They do just stare at you blankly.