January 29, 2011

Where Does The Love Go?

That has been a question I keep asking myself over the past few weeks. Of course, after my mind started to get repetitive, demanding answers in it’s typically annoying fashion, I consulted the only thing I knew would have what I was seeking. The all knowing. The Guru. The intellectual god…or goddess. The answer to everything. The computer savvy’s personal Chuck Norris.


Come on, admit it. Google makes us all a little smarter.

I was shocked to see the same question was asked about 513,000,000 times. So it seemed that here was yet another one of life’s great mysteries. Were we all destined to don buffalo sandals, wander days & nights through the desert, on a pilgrimage to find the answers to such mysteries? Perhaps. And, perhaps the heart is something we will never know or understand. But…we all will die trying. Willingly.

Google showed me this question ranging anywhere from songs to quotes to videos. There were people in marriages asking, people newly separated inquiring, people divorced or recently single wondering. It was comforting in an odd, impersonal way, to know that I wasn’t the only one having this question keep them awake at night.

I wasn’t alone. Thank you, Google. Again, thank you for your amazingness.

The next day I was sitting on the couch cursing Time Warner Cable because I should only have 1 remote for 1 TV, not 42 and none of which I know what to do with. Finally, I stumble across an old episode of ‘Sex in the City’ & I engage. I mean, why not? It’s like a comfy pair of socks to those of us with ovaries. Warm, cozy, estrogeny.

Again, I was shocked. I’ve been shocked a lot lately, which is amazing because I rarely am, but anyway. There on the screen was man hands Carrie asking the same exact question: ‘When people fall in love, and then they break up, where does the love go?’

Damn it, Carrie Bradshaw! You are a genius! In matters of fashion AND in matters of the heart.

Love has many faces and is very good at camouflaging itself. It’s true, think about it. Loneliness, hatred, despair, envy, joy, passion, laughter…. So, maybe the love goes into remission or disguises itself as something else…or someone else…in order to heal. I don’t think either of these things are the way it should be. Disguising love as something else is basically an emotional lie. I know my recent ex doesn’t hate me. He is definitely behaving and believing with his entire soul that he does but that’s because I hurt him. Or pointed out the harsh realistic truth. Who knows?

Anyway, I am well aware that anger is a much easier emotion to deal with than sadness, hurt or rejection. But, because I’m a smart tart, I know that this is love’s mask. It’s how he chooses to heal, carry on and make himself feel better. Sad, but true.

I also don’t think a replacement partner is the answer. Love doesn’t transfer. I’ve had a few great loves and each one has been different. Amazing and special in it’s own way but different. The premise is the same, but the love is different. Luckily for me, I still retain 2 of my great loves. We have been friends and will always be. We loved each other and will continue to love each other. But, this is another story.

Can you remain friends with an ex? I absolutely, 100%, say yes. (another blog, another time)

I suppose no one really know where the love goes after a break up. Only you decide and choose. I do know that love will never disappear. It may fade, or like I said, become something else. Whether it becomes a mask or simply wanes, the love remains. Like someone somewhere once said…trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

So, don’t. Put your love where I put mine. Nicely tucked away in the corners of my mind.

So, enlighten me and let's dig deeper. Where does your love go?



  1. The scientific method is likely the wrong approach for matters of the heart. Nonetheless, here's a take on where the love goes.

    The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Providing that we're talking about true love, consider love an energy. It follows that it doesn't disappear, but rather changes form. After the passing of a loved one, that love for them is still felt, but now it's shared with those who grieve with you. After the parting of a love interest, that love gets directed to family, friends, and in healing, also to the self. So, insofar as the original recipient is not present, the love remains.

    In a romantic parting, those less truly capable of love will transfer their version of it into negative energy. Theirs was based on need, or self interest. Because they lost their 'supply' from the parting, they simply hate their way into the next relationship. Here's the rub: now their baggage and need has increased, and the next recipient has their work cut out for them.

    Loving with truth means loving with a bold heart. It means you're going to hurt, because you're the most vulnerable you'll ever be. It means you'll be loving for real.


  2. Thanks, T. You may be my new Google. Love ya, mean it. :)x