Not me. I always knew I could go home.
'Did I want to?' was the real question.
But, in typical Kelly style, I was given an idea..an option, it took root, things quickly fell into place and I was back on the highway. Moving right along like a gypsy, the wandering soul that I always was. It seemed that my beloved Seattle turned into a fabulous summer vacation. I silently vowed to return as I watched the city fade away in the background.
Whenever I say New York, people immediately assume 'New York City?!' and, oooohhhh, how wrong they are....
I'm from NY, 'tis true, but definitely not the city. Or anything remotely close, for that matter. I was...am....so far removed from city life.
So far that I forgot how to live here. How to live in the cold, dark, buggy, hick New York where I grew up. I love how people say that. 'You're from here!' or 'You grew up here!' or 'Your roots are here!' Uh...yea....but put a little more thought effort into that, pal. I left when I was 23. 18 of those years I was just a kid. 6 of those years were spent driving in the snow. 5 of those years were spent partying. All of those years were spent trying to figure out WHO I was....not where I was.
I didn't become who I was going to be while I lived here and I forgot most everything about living here. For example, I don't know how to get to my best friends house without Daniel, I don't know how I'm going to drive in the snow, I don't know how long it takes to get to Middletown, I don't know how the heating works...don't you just turn the thermostat on?? Like normal people? No. That's not the way of it in the country. Most of those 23 years have been forgotten, sorry to say. I remembered the important stuff anyway. How wonderful my Aunt Donna's hugs feel, how I smile when I hear my friends laugh, how handsome and funny my ex is, how magnificent the trees are. Those things were remembered.
My home is wildly different yet oddly the same. I may not remember names but I remember faces. I may not remember how to get places but I remember what those places provide. I may not know where to grocery shop or where Starbucks is but I'll find them. I can change. I can adapt. I will survive. Yep...just as I always do. I am starting out with nothing but I will make it grow into something. Something wonderful...in time.
I will not lose my city though. I won't. I'm like that 'You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead, fingers.' motto. Who I became was a city girl with a dash of country. Pry as you might, the city is staying.
OH! This reminds me that I need a gun...and a dawg....for protection. See? I'm already becoming country-fied! I'm also wearing flannel today. It's 72 degrees. *brr* BUT, there are certain country depths that I will not reach.
My gawd, people, it's 2010. I know I'm in hick New York but it's still New York!! Make some effort, for Cripes sake! Have some pride in yourself! I know my dating pool has drastically turned into the kiddie pee pool but sheesh!! There are toothbrushes available in the country! I know that most people are poor here but toothbrushes cost very little at the dollar store. Oh, wait, they cost a dollar! Dollar store, get it? I know there is one, I drove by it. If $1 is too much to spend, run outside, grab a stick, wrap some grass around it and scrap the caked on white gunk that has built a fortress around your gum line off. Come on!! If you can't see it, I am certain you can feel it.
Or worse yet..smell it. *gag*
Oh, and neck beard guy, get a razor while in the dollar store. Your hair line should end before it reaches your ass or ankles. Just saying.
I realize that I have become a bit of a snob. Perhaps 'snob' is the wrong word, I'm truly not a snob. However, I have become accustomed to a certain quality of life that I have left behind. I created and maintained this quality of life so I am sure I can create and maintain another level. It's just the time that drives me nuts. I have zero patience in the city or in the country. In the interim, I have to adapt to things that I don't remember, that I am not comfortable with, that I did not choose. That's the joy of recession. As much as I detest and deny that word, I have become a casualty of it. Not a victim...never a victim.
I'm also thnking I might get a chicken.
My gawd....I'll definitely be the talk of the town feeding chickens while wearing heels.
All of this aside, I have been through a lot over the past 5 months and so has my daughter. A lot. We will spend the next 5 months settling in to our new lives. Focusing on us. Our unit. Our happiness and our well being. No one else's. I am determined for my child and I to be happier than ever before. Just watch.
I am also determined to avoid cross country driving any time soon. Yawn.
Now, if you don't mind, I have to go cut some wood so I won't freeze tonight or bail some hay. I don't know. Something country. Yeehaaaw.