Ok, seriously, I'm sitting in my apartment eating chips & dips because I'm tired of low carbing it. So, what goes along with being a fatty? Watching TV. A commercial for Match.com just came on blatantly telling me that 1 in 5 relationships start online. 1 in 5. I think about the people I know...and I know a lot of people. However, I only know one that has met their soul mate online and is now happily married.
But, I can't see this being the way it's done. At least, not for me. I mean 1 in 5? Really? I am honestly in shock. Let me think about a few of the couples I know and the places they met......
Oh. My. Gawd. Is it true? Let's be realistic for a moment regarding my shot at love based on the 1 in 5 rule. I hate the gym. I don't have a job. I don't have a dog. I've graduated. Welp, that leaves just one option.....really? Just one? I can't believe that. I won't believe that.
I don't think I need to join a dating website. I mean, have you seen those guys? I have. I've created a free profile just so I could see who was swimming in my dating pool. Needless to say, I told you I just ate. I need to stay out of the water for at least an hour, probably more. I'll lay on the beach and tan instead. Maybe nap a little. Build a sand castle. Read. Anything but swim.
I guess I'm old school regarding some things. I admittedly have trust issues and I just feel online dating allows people the opportunity to hide many things. I also am a gut feeling girl. I can't gut feel via the internetz. I simply prefer IRL interactions. Anyone can be anything online. *sigh* I guess I'll just throw on a wedding dress and go stand in front of the local hospital until my Dr. husband shows up. Shouldn't take too long....any second now....tick tock....
I received an email the other day from my friend, Jen. This is what she said: 'Still think you should replace Perez Hilton and become the master blogger. You are soooo much cuter and much more entertaining......and I think he's a douche!' Awww...thanks, Jen! xo Oh, and Perez, yea, sorry...but you are a total bitch. On a positive note though, you look SO much better.
He went from 'ugh puke in my mouth' to just 'ugh'. Certainly an improvement.
I wonder how I can bring my blogs up to fame mode. That bitch Perez isn't gonna help me now. I don't have the money to promote myself. I just rely on my loyal Facebook readers to keep me ranting. I need a book or movie deal. I could totally rock out a 'Sex in the City' like mega hit. Fo' sho'. So, anyone with ideas on how to make that happen, let me know.
Did I tell you there is a spirit living in our apartment? Totes mcgoats. We became aware of this shortly after moving in. There are only a few things I am certain of. It's a woman. She's not scary. She likes to steal stuff or move things around. Currently, she has stolen a vegetable peeler, my Amersterdam shirt with the cute little windmill on it, Amanda's black tank top and a strainer. What is she trying to do anyone? Maybe she wants to look cute while making me a healthy snack.
I only see shadows but Amanda saw an actual female form. That's how we know it's a woman. I need to name her. A Victorian name, methinks. Our apartment was once a Nordic Market back in the 20's, so it's a definite possibility that it haunted. A lot of places in Seattle are haunted. I think it's cool. However, I do have sage sitting out ready to be lit in case she gets out of line. It's like a little warning. But, for now, she's allowed to wander. I just wish she'd give my shirt back.
In the meantime, here is my latest fabu web find: 1000 Awesome Things. Loves. It.
For those who get tired of reading, you can have a couch party with this:
Did I mention that my daughter loves David Hasselhoff? It's true. Please send money for counseling.