August 29, 2010

Pancake Face.

RAWR!!!!! Now that I've got that out, I can write. I have not rawr'd since I got here because my friend, Matt, told me not to. Sorry, Matt, it had to be done. :)

Oh, Seattle, why do you torture me so?!

I have been unemployed for 5 months. Almost 3 of those months have been spent in Seattle. I love Seattle, I do. I thought Seattle was my destiny, I did. Now...I'm doubtful, I am. Maybe Seattle wasn't my destiny. Maybe I wasn't paying attention to the signs. Maybe I was merely paying attention only to what I had my mind set on. I don't know. I wish I did know. I wish I had the answers. The only thing I do know is that if Seattle IS my destiny, she had better make herself known STAT. Otherwise, I may be moving home.

What I also know is that I was meant to get out of Vegas. Of that, I have no doubt. I hated Vegas from the moment I arrived. Seattle is worlds above Las Vegas. (No offense to all you Sin City lovers.)

Here is a perfect example of Seattle vs Las Vegas.

This is the M*A*C store in the Westfield Mall, Seattle. One person was in this store. One. The M*A*C store at Town Square in Vegas is wall to wall pancake faced women. Crazy, huh? Now, I know a lot of women in Vegas and only a couple of them were pancake faced. But Vegas is a planet of it's own. A planet I didn't belong on. I'm au naturale when it comes to makeup. While I do enjoy buying M*A*C makeup, I also enjoy having my face and neck be the same color. Ahem.

Another big difference is that in Vegas I wanted a big car. I felt safe in a big car. I chose SUV's. I refused to have anything less. In Seattle, I want a small car. I would feel safe in a small car. A Beetle, a Smart Car, anything little. The roads here are so tiny & European. I am scared to even drive my CRV. CRV's are the tiny version of an SUV. The soccer mom car. Can you imagine if I had a big Chevy truck or Surburban? Worse yet...a Hummer? Oy. Not only wouldn't I fit driving down the road, I'd be ostracized driving an environment destroying Hummer.

Not to mention that I have received three tickets since living here. Three!! I haven't had three tickets in my entire life of driving. Until I moved to Seattle, that is. Double Oy.

Life is definitely different here. Living in the desert for 18 years has caused me to forget about living in the humid continental climate for 23 years. Here are a few of those forgotten things:

BUGS!! Where there is water, there are bugs. More importantly, spiders. GASP!!
Greasy hair. I have thin, baby fine hair. I can wash my hair in t he morning and have greasy hair by the evening thanks to all the moisture in the air. Ahhh.
Pimples. Not only does said moisture cause my hair to be greasy, it causes my face to be greasy. What comes with a greasy face? Acne! Oh, joy.


On the flip side:

Flowers! Fresh, natural, beautiful, wonderful flowers blooming everywhere. This almost makes the bugs acceptable. Almost.
Soft skin. There's no need to submerge myself in lotion here. I'm as soft as a baby's behind. And what does soft skin bring...
Less wrinkles. Perhaps my body sucking up all this moisture will prevent me from looking like this in a few years.

Wherever I may end up, it certainly won't be back in Vegas. I will take spiders over scorpions any day. That alone should be proof of how much I dislike the desert.

Welp, now I'm off to engage in mental warfare with myself. Seattle vs Kingston. Should I stay or should I go?

Amanda made an interesting point the other day. We were talking about what we would do if I didn't get a job by October. Would we try and stay in Seattle or would we move back to my hometown in NY. Miss Bright Light says...'Mom, it's so funny. You left NY because you needed help. Now we may be moving back because you need help.'

Yes, lovebug. Life certainly does seem to bring us full circle. Good thing I didn't leave NY because I hated it.


August 17, 2010

Dear Moms.

You know what's interesting? Teenage dynamics. Everyone knows that once a person enters the teen stage, life becomes wildly erratic.

For all involved.

My daughter & I have a wonderful relationship. Seriously, it's true. I'm not one of those crazy mom's who think their child is the bees knees when truly they are just the opposite. I am not one of those crazy mom's living in a fairy land of my own creation regarding my kid. My kid IS the bees knees. Anyone who has met my kid knows I have done my job well. I am a good mom. It's the thing I am the best at. My kid knows she can talk to me about anything without judgment. My kid knows she can trust me. My kid knows I would move heaven and Earth for her, without hesitation, without question, without reserve. We are friends. We are family. We are a unit. We are soul mates.

However, she is not perfect by any means and neither am I. I know...shocking...right?!

What's interesting is that many teens do not have a functioning relationship with their parents. If my kid has heard it once, she has heard it 1000 times about how no one her age has that sort of relationship with either their mom or their dad. This makes me very proud and oddly sad for our youth. Parents do not seem to want to parent. Kids do not seem to want to be parented. While both should.

What's also interesting is that teenage girls embrace our relationship.

Teenage boys are threatened by it.

Now, I have not raised a son, only a daughter. So, I may not be an expert on raising a man...but mom's...please do. Raise a man. Raise men. Raise respectful, intelligent, caring, strong and sensitive men. The world is full of douches, we do not need to add any more to the mix.

My kid has quite a few male friends and she has had several 'love interests'. What amazes me is the lack of respect in this generation. What amazes me is the level of douchebaggery.

I've seen it. I've taken the blame for it. I've been the 'reason' for it. I've not allowed it. I've cock blocked it....yes....I have. Therefore , I feel the need to not address the boys in this post. They won't listen anyway. In this post, I feel the need to address the Moms.

Dear Moms.

I beg of you, please, teach your sons that it's not respectful to hang all over a teenage girl in front of her parents. It's not. In fact, it's not ok to hang all over a teenage girl when her parent's are not there!!

Many parents have loaded weapons. Many parents aren't afraid to shoot said son in the roaming hands.

It's not ok to make a teenage girl feel uncomfortable and, in turn, piss the parent of that teenage girl off.

It's not ok to get pissed off, pout, pull the guilt trip, or be a baby when the girl says no. No means no. NO. MEANS. NO. Stop means stop. Back off means back off. Take words of this nature at face value.

It's not ok to make a teenage girl feel inferior. All teenagers suffer from low self esteem, all of them. It is not ok to make anyone feel badly about themselves. Ever.

Dear Moms.

Teach your sons that it is not ok to bully, stronghold, manipulate, be aggressive or belittle a teenage girl. I will teach my teenage daughter that it is not ok to do or be those things either. Raise your son to be a man. A man who has manners, morals and values. A man who makes decisions based on right and wrong. A man who knows compassion and love. A man who is confident to show both. A man that knows understanding. A man that you, yourself, would be crazy about.

In turn, I will teach my daughter to respect your son and treat him the way he deserves to be treated. I will do my very best to teach her how to have a healthy relationship. I know she has respect for adults so I don't have to teach her that. I know she has manners, values, virtue and most importantly, morals. I know I have taught her to be a healthy, confident and happy human being. I know I have done my part to raise the best person I can. Please, please do the same for your sons.

Thank you.

This Dear Mom.

I realize that life is busy, and stressful, and hard, and full, and difficult, and jam packed, and really just complete and total madness, but you chose to have children. You chose to be a parent. So parent. Sadly, not enough people do anymore and it's very apparent in many teenagers. How do I know? I know these teenagers. I've seen these teenagers. I've been witness to these teenagers. I've worried for these teenagers. I've cried for these teenagers. I've hurt for these teenagers. I've hoped for these teenagers.

We, as parents, are raising humans. Our daughters, our sons. Humans. Individuals. We are raising the people that we wish we were. The people that will take charge of the future. Of our future. So, teach them, talk to them, care for them, nurture them, love them, listen to them and, most importantly, make time for them.

The world will be a much better place if you would.

Thank you.


August 10, 2010


Ok, seriously, I'm sitting in my apartment eating chips & dips because I'm tired of low carbing it. So, what goes along with being a fatty? Watching TV. A commercial for just came on blatantly telling me that 1 in 5 relationships start online. 1 in 5. I think about the people I know...and I know a lot of people. However, I only know one that has met their soul mate online and is now happily married.

*Yay, ShannonDoa!'

But, I can't see this being the way it's done. At least, not for me. I mean 1 in 5? Really? I am honestly in shock. Let me think about a few of the couples I know and the places they met......

*Dog park.

Oh. My. Gawd. Is it true? Let's be realistic for a moment regarding my shot at love based on the 1 in 5 rule. I hate the gym. I don't have a job. I don't have a dog. I've graduated. Welp, that leaves just one option.....really? Just one? I can't believe that. I won't believe that.

I don't think I need to join a dating website. I mean, have you seen those guys? I have. I've created a free profile just so I could see who was swimming in my dating pool. Needless to say, I told you I just ate. I need to stay out of the water for at least an hour, probably more. I'll lay on the beach and tan instead. Maybe nap a little. Build a sand castle. Read. Anything but swim.

I guess I'm old school regarding some things. I admittedly have trust issues and I just feel online dating allows people the opportunity to hide many things. I also am a gut feeling girl. I can't gut feel via the internetz. I simply prefer IRL interactions. Anyone can be anything online. *sigh* I guess I'll just throw on a wedding dress and go stand in front of the local hospital until my Dr. husband shows up. Shouldn't take too long....any second now....tick tock....

I received an email the other day from my friend, Jen. This is what she said: 'Still think you should replace Perez Hilton and become the master blogger. You are soooo much cuter and much more entertaining......and I think he's a douche!' Awww...thanks, Jen! xo Oh, and Perez, yea, sorry...but you are a total bitch. On a positive note though, you look SO much better.



He went from 'ugh puke in my mouth' to just 'ugh'. Certainly an improvement.

I wonder how I can bring my blogs up to fame mode. That bitch Perez isn't gonna help me now. I don't have the money to promote myself. I just rely on my loyal Facebook readers to keep me ranting. I need a book or movie deal. I could totally rock out a 'Sex in the City' like mega hit. Fo' sho'. So, anyone with ideas on how to make that happen, let me know.

Did I tell you there is a spirit living in our apartment? Totes mcgoats. We became aware of this shortly after moving in. There are only a few things I am certain of. It's a woman. She's not scary. She likes to steal stuff or move things around. Currently, she has stolen a vegetable peeler, my Amersterdam shirt with the cute little windmill on it, Amanda's black tank top and a strainer. What is she trying to do anyone? Maybe she wants to look cute while making me a healthy snack.

I only see shadows but Amanda saw an actual female form. That's how we know it's a woman. I need to name her. A Victorian name, methinks. Our apartment was once a Nordic Market back in the 20's, so it's a definite possibility that it haunted. A lot of places in Seattle are haunted. I think it's cool. However, I do have sage sitting out ready to be lit in case she gets out of line. It's like a little warning. But, for now, she's allowed to wander. I just wish she'd give my shirt back.

In the meantime, here is my latest fabu web find: 1000 Awesome Things. Loves. It.

For those who get tired of reading, you can have a couch party with this:

Did I mention that my daughter loves David Hasselhoff? It's true. Please send money for counseling.


August 4, 2010

Misery Loves Company

Why is it that some people are threatened by humor, success, delight and happiness if it's not their own? I'm amazed...and saddened by this concept. Misery loves company....and that surprises me. If I am miserable, I turn to my friends for comfort and joy. If I am miserable, I turn to myself for delectation. If I am miserable, I certainly don't project my poison into the lives of others.

Some do....and it's annoying as hell. It's not that I'm insensitive to another's plight. I am always the one people come to for advice, to vent, to cry and talk about their problems. As far back as I can remember I have been the listener, the counselor, the advice giver, the one who would never judge. I should have been a psychiatrist, come to think of it. A big part of me is made of up this being who wants to make everyone happy. If you are happy, then I am happy.

It's extremely difficult for me to deal with people who come at me using their misery as a weapon. As if the very thought of me living happily is offensive to them. I don't understand. Everyone has problems, everyone. I could write a litany of crap that I deal with on a day to day basis. What's different between them & I? Attitude. View. Perspective, philosophy, demeanor, frame of mind. Anyone can have these things. Those who are miserable are so because of their own doing. So, don't attack me, don't come looking for a fight, don't make me out to be the bad guy. Because I will fight back...that's also who I am.

I moved to Seattle to change my life. The miserable, dramatic, toxic, soul sucking vermin have no place here. YOU are not welcome. I do not want your company.

Ok, moving on. This is all of me I will let you have. This moment. Every night I go to sleep knowing that today I was the best possible being I could be. Can you say the same? I certainly hope so. If you can't....well....that is a sad story.

I am no longer a home owner. I have mixed feelings about this. Part of me is relieved. It was the final door left to close on my old existence. The short sale went amazingly well. Shocking, quite honestly. No hassles from the bank, no problems from the buyers, nothing. Shout out to CitiBank and Charter One for not being the douches that I hear Bank of America are being. The buyers are also nice people who love my yard. My favorite part of the home and I am confident that it will continue to be the gem of the community. Part of me is sad. My first house, Amanda's childhood home, our safe haven that held parties for my friends, holidays with my family, vacations with both. A lot of good memories were made in that home.

I couldn't have done it without my extremely capable, skilled, amazing AND handsome realtor & friend, Erik. Erik & his husband, Charles, came out to visit this weekend. My first visitors!! Yay! I had such a good time just being in their presence. To have such happy, positive, funny and fantastic men in my happy, positive, funny and fantastic home was amazing. My cup runneth over. I can't wait for them to come back and do it again.

OH! And congrats to California for finally, finally getting it that love is love. LOVE IS LOVE. PERIOD!!! It's unconstitutional to deny anyone the right to marriage. Nothing else matters...only love. Without it, you have nothing. Now, if only the rest of the planet could stop the hate. The world is a much more beautiful place without it....of that I have no doubt.