April 20, 2010


I know for a FACT that the people who worked the night shift at the AM/PM in Rosendale knew I was stoned. I mean, who wasn’t stoned in the late 80’s, early 90’s? Oh…wait…you mean everyone wasn’t stoned? Wow….that would explain a lot.

My friends (who shall remain nameless) and I would religiously stop at the AM/PM, try to remain in control while pushing our paranoia down, and then lose it completely the moment we walked in the door. If that wasn’t a telltale sign, our droopy, half closed, blood shot eyes should have been. The final sign that we were high was the fact that we always bought a random array of crap. Doritos, Coke, Funny Bones, Starburst, a lighter, Hostess Donuts – chocolate, 3 Musketeers, a slice of pizza, Pop Rocks, Marlboro Light 100’s, Swedish Fish and gum. Oh, and this fuzzy pencil, please. Come on!

We’d then spend the next 20 minutes in the parking lot, Guns & Roses blaring, shoving all our munchies into our mouths at once and laughing the entire time.

Every moment of being stoned was fun. I’m not gonna lie. Everything was a good time. Everything caused raucous laughter. Everything tasted awesome. Everything was an adventure. Everything was the greatest idea. I know these stories are probably only funny to me but I don’t care. Those were probably some of the greatest times of my life.

Like when we were climbing out of the boat onto the dock and the dock collapsed. Or the time where we were sitting in the car, in the middle of the dark woods, listening to crazy scary stories and someone knocked on the car window. Or when we were chowing down at McDonalds, decided to smoke and caught the tray on fire. Or the time we went to 4 drive thrus one after the other. KFC for a biscuit, McDonalds for fries, Burger King for a burger and Dunkin Donuts for a donut.

The last makes total sense. Mickey D’s has the best fries, BK has the best burger. We were stoned but we knew what made sense and what tasted great!

Those were the days, my friend. I haven’t been stoned in…20 years. I wonder what would happen if I smoked a joint right now. I’d either piss myself from laughing hysterically or I’d fall asleep. Hmmm…who wants to get high and see what happens? Oh, wait, nevermind. I'm trying to find a new job and with a new job comes drug testing. Sigh.

I have no doubt that Amanda will try getting stoned at some point in her life. No doubt. I come from a long line of pot smokers so it’s pretty much hereditary. It doesn’t necessarily scare me that she will try. I have lived life. I know how it goes. She’ll try smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, having sex, kissing a girl. These are all things that happen to most of us growing up. Experimenting. It’s what we do to become who we are.

What does scare me is thinking back to the insane amount of shit I did while ‘experimenting’. I am lucky to be alive and I say that in all honesty. I didn’t really have any parental guidance and was free to go as I pleased. Always alone, always taking care of myself. At least, if nothing else, Amanda has more than that. Much more. She won’t be a wild child like I was. But, I know she’s still going to try. The best thing I can do is continue to be open & honest in our relationship. Tell her the dangers and tell her the fun. I won’t ever be a hypocrite. Ever.

I can’t imagine Amanda doing half the dangerous, stupid, irresponsible things that I did though. I truly hope she doesn’t. I hope that when she tries these things, she will be someplace safe. I hope that she will be with people she trusts and loves. That is the one thing I did have. Still have. Will always have. I was with my true friends and even though we were behaving very poorly, I knew that any of these people would have my back. Even if they tripped, fell and giggled the entire time they were trying to reach my back.

Marijuana is the most commonly used drug in the US. It’s illegal. Yes, kids, you’re breaking the law while getting high. Sorry to burst your bubble. It might be legal soon though, if you have cancer or some other awful medical problem. Being stoned at that point would be a blessing, I say.

Long term marijuana use can lead to addiction. It can also lead to experimentation & addiction to more hard core drugs, like cocaine & heroine. Smoking weed is smoking. Your lungs are being abused…notice the hacking & coughing when inhaling? Yea…can you say carcinogens?

In 2001 the percentage of 12th graders who smoked weed was 43%. 10th graders? 40%, Wanna try 8th graders? 20% . That’s right, people. We are doobie smokers. 300 million worldwide, 28 million in the US. From Holland’s coffee shops to Oakland’s Cannabis College. How do we become doobie smokers? Our peers. Those friends of your son or daughter. Yay! How’s that for a reality slap? Better be prepared, parents.

Better be prepared. Oh, and make sure your stash is hidden well. Not like my grandfather who hid his in my maxi pad box. Umm....ok? Stoned when you stashed, Pops? teehee


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