Hello. My name is Kelly and I have a shrinking attention span. ::hello, Kelly::: The length of my dwindling attention span is based on the topic at hand. On average, I would guess that you have about 5 minutes of my awareness before I phase out and mentally move on to something else. Of course the span increases along with my interest. If you are blah de blahing about something funny, well, then, you have me for a little while. If you are blah de blahing about…yawn…work. Then know that I will phase out after about 2.5 seconds.
It reminds me of that Drew Carey joke. ‘Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s call EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.’
I think with the wealth of information and entertainment, how could my attention span remain intact? It obviously cannot and I shall now call it SASS. Short Attention Span, Sista! Son, if I’m giving 2.5 seconds to a man. Ahem. Moving on.
I need a new fashion obsession. The most recent were socks. Argyle, stripes, crazy, super fun, knee high socks. I bought Amanda & I more socks than one should ever have in the desert. I still lurve them but need something new. Since I have become such a fatty, I’m thinking maybe I need to make leggings my new obsession. But, that obsession doesn’t come alone. I would need to add super long tops to go with that one. No one needs to see Guam in leggings. Oy.
I have been buying a lot of accessories. Necklaces, rings, hair clips. I’ve been focused on bows & flowers. Those are fun but I need a statement. I already did socks, hats, scarfs. Now that everyone is wearing them, I stopped. So, I’m taking suggestions. Please fill out a suggestion card and turn it in at the next SASS meeting. Moving on.
My daughter will be 15.5 this month. 15.5 means she can get her Instruction Permit. 15.5 means she can legally drive on the streets of Las Vegas. She has been driving illegally a few times before but, shhh, don’t tell anyone. What I have noticed about this stage in life is that I am not a good teacher. The moment she gets behind the wheel, I get really hot. I get stressed. I get upset. I know I should be patient and calm. I know this, but, shouldn’t she know how to exercise common sense? Ugh.
What sucks is that only a parent is allowed in the car with a teen driver. No one else. I can’t even hire someone to teach her. Can I? I don’t know. I need some zen like advice in order to get through this stage. I think this stage will be the worst one yet. Worse than graduation, college, sex. ::yes, in that order:: This instills such a fear in me because people in Vegas cannot drive. Sorry, Vegans. You can’t. You suck. Teens can’t drive either. Sorry, Teens. You can’t. You suck, too.
I am pretty confident that I’m not the only one who thinks teaching a teen to drive is a nightmare. The anxiety & stress I feel, she feels, too. More so. I realize that this is an important right of passage for all teens, I do. This begins the transition into adulthood. This allots a certain bit of unknown freedom. This great power comes with great responsibility. This is a time that I believe should not start until 18. Aye. Yi. Yi. Moving on.
The car Amanda wants.
The car Amanda will get.