January 27, 2010

It's Time For.......

Jesus Look-a-likes with Kelly!


You know it’s going to be a weird day when you wake up thinking about Jesus look-a-likes. I think the reason this thought permeated my brain was due to an internet ad I saw last night. I was researching homes & jobs in Seattle when this appeared on the sidebar.

It's Jesus! Look...it's Jesus!!

I have to tell you, whoever created this ad is borderline genius. After all, I am still thinking and writing about it. Now whenever I consider going back to school or when I'm broke, I’ll think of Jesus.

Here are a few Jesus look-a-likes that I want to show you. For no other reason than absolute ridiculousness.

John Lennon – Imagine Jesus

Joaquin Phoenix – Hairlip Jesus

Chris Robinson – Hard to Handle Jesus

Charles Manson – Creepy Jesus

Brad Pitt – Jolie Jesus

Kid Rock – Pabst Jesus

My Dad – Papa Jesus

Honorable Mention – JesuZZ Top

Yea, yea. For those of you who have a sense of humor - FUNNY!! Right? Oh, and I’ll see you in hell. For those of you who don't - pray for me. I obviously need it. Then again, Jesus probably thinks I'm hysterical.

Oh, and I feel like we must give props to his father. After all what IF God was one of us?
What if....

Homeless Jesus.


January 19, 2010

Head vs Heart

I typically write based on humor. Whether it’s some ridiculous something that I have seen or some crazy crap that has crossed my mind, I write it because I love to laugh. Plus, it's easier to laugh than to cry. I rarely open the window for anyone to see what is inside my soul. That’s usually private & I don't like to share.

However, today, I am something different. Today, I am Kelly Wright. War Correspondent.

In the battle of ‘head versus heart’, who usually wins?

We all know what I am talking about. We all have all been there. If not once, than many times. Don’t lie. You know you have. The head is saying ‘Absolutely not!’ but the heart is saying ‘Oh, please, please, yes.’ We all at some point or another have tortured ourselves. I totally torture myself. I wage a war based on self preservation and burning desire. A war of feelings against logic. Self against ego. Reason against emotion. Want against need.

I have been told that I am an island. I have been told that I have walls. I guess what I’m waiting for is someone to grab a gawd damn boat and row. Or, grab a mother effing rope and climb. This takes work, sure. I realize that. It takes someone who truly cares. It takes someone who has the notion that the trip will be well worth it. And it is, bitches. Psh! It is. Now obviously this just requires too much effort for some. Most people are too lazy and those are the ones who aren’t worth it. Those people are no longer privy to my life. Au revoir! I save all that I am for those who choose to row..and climb.

Now, I am a logical person. I like things to make sense. I like to do what’s right. I am just and moral and fair. I like to have all the facts before making a decision. I like to think things through, see the whole picture and visualize the results, good or bad.

My analytical mind. A mind that knows right from wrong. A mind that knows what it will accept and deny. A mind that needs proof, action and promise. A mind that won’t always be fooled.

I am also a dreamer. I believe in love. I continue to hope for the lid to my pot. I have been waiting a lifetime for the man who ‘I just know’ is the one. I believe he's out there learning what to contrast me against and I'm just waiting. I have no doubt of my happily ever after. Crazy, isn’t it? Ugh.

My accursed heart. A heart that loves forever. A loyal and honest heart. A heart that wants to love and be loved in return. A heart that would forsake almost everything for great love.

It’s so overwhelming and consuming. I don’t like when my heart gets involved. Letting my heart get involved is opening myself up to chaos. At times, this is a beautiful thing. At other times, a scary thing. When my heart throws down the gauntlet to my head, I get scared. When both attack, the crescendo is too much to handle. I feel like my head will explode, my heart hurts, tears threaten to fall and I am paralyzed. Or....I run…like the wind.

I am a sensitivity that is private. But, don’t ever let that fool you into thinking I am made of stone. I am clearly not. I am probably one of the most sensitive people you will run across. I have had a lifetime of let downs, broken hearts and crushed dreams. Most of the time I mourn those silently because that is how I carry on. I do break down occasionally but only in front of those I trust explicitly. Even to them it's hard to let myself break down. I work so hard at being strong all the time because I have to. I have had to my entire life. So, when I show my weakness, when I stumble and fall, it’s shocking. It’s intense. It’s jaw dropping. It’s painful and it’s sad.

There is a quote that says ‘The heart is forever making the head its fool.’ I forget who said it but I’m pretty sure it was some French guy. They always have lots to say about love. But, this quote is fantastic, because it’s true. My heart is trying very hard to make my head the fool and my stubborn head is fighting back with a vengeance.

I don’t know who will win.

I don’t know if I am writing this for you…or for me.

I don’t know if it makes any sense.

What I do know is that if I stumble and fall, I will pick myself up. I will dust off my jeans and carry on, as usual. Maybe, next time, listening to my heart, thinking clearly and following my gut before leaping.

Maybe the most fair, loving and selfless thing you could do...is to let me go. Simply because you aren't rowing.....and its hurting me. I know it's not on purpose and I know it's hurting you, too.
I just can't do this anymore.

In the battle between head vs heart, who usually wins...if anyone?


January 13, 2010

Green Apples & Damn.

I like green apples. Granny Smith apples to be more exact. I know this doesn’t seem like ground breaking news to you….but it is to me. I hate apples. I always have. I hate the flavor, the skin, the crunch, the texture, the fact that they get worms. For 41 years I haven’t liked apples. I do like applesauce, and apple pie, and apple Jolly Ranchers, though. Which is weird.

It all started with Disneyland. I bought Amanda a Mickey apple. This thing looked freaking fantastic. I was so jealous because I knew I wouldn’t like it but I really wanted it….badly. They also had Minnie apples. Oh my goodness. When Amanda bust this thing out, I just had to taste it. I put my apple disgust away and took a bite. My mouth sprang to life in total amazement. This apple was the best thing I had tasted in a while and I wanted more. Each time we went to Disneyland after that, we bought apples, and we go to Disney A LOT. Annual pass holders. Ahem. These apples are like $10 but I don’t care. They are totally worth it.

They even have Christmas themed apples. Aww.

So, I chalked my apple love up to the mounds of caramel, sugar & marshmallows that surrounded it. But, I took a chance and tested my like further…kinda like what I do in relationships. Haha! Not really. Really. Not. Ok, so I went to Albertsons and bought a few Granny Smiths. I did still need to put peanut butter on it. Don't get crazy. I am not to the point where I can just nosh on the thing and be joyous. I’m also not at the point where I will buy a red apple. I’m in a relationship that needs help, so to speak. But, it is wonderful to know that my taste buds still have the ability to change. However, this does not mean I will ordering cauliflower any time soon. Gag.

But..an apple a day just might happen.

Wow, that was a lot of talk about apples. Sorry. I HAVE been pondering more than just apples. I have been trying to make a decision and maybe you can help. What would you choose?

Same old comfy same old...OR…new unknown possibilities.

I have never liked living in Vegas. This isn’t a news flash to anyone who knows me. I didn’t want to come here and I can’t wait to leave. My conundrum is choosing where to go.

Do I return home? New York. To my friends, my family, the known, the safe. It’s not necessarily the place I want to be but the people there are worth everything to me. New York is expensive, it’s cold, it’s taxed out the wazoo, and it’s difficult to find a good paying job. Oh, wait, it’s difficult to find a good paying job anywhere these days. Psh.

There are definitely many reasons why I left NY but there are many good reasons why I would return.

Or, do I go someplace new? Washington. Wander to the new, exciting and adventurous. I don’t know what is there for me and that’s thrilling. I do know it is green, sigh, green. There are trees, lakes, forests, oceans, nature! Lots of nature! The people seem creative, intelligent and environmentally friendly. Plus, Amanda wants to go to WWU. The down side is that I wouldn’t have any more friends & family there than I do here.

But, I am good at making friends. I do have a couple of girls that live in Seattle and my cousin, Bette, lives in Bremerton. So, I wouldn’t be desolate. Haha! I am very tempted by the possibilities.

This decision of mine will need to be made anytime between next month and 2012. haha! If I lose my job before Amanda graduates, then I will have to leave. Especially since Vegas has the highest rate of unemployment and job hunting is something akin to animals fighting in the wild. This is why this particular thought has been taking up mind space.

Sigh. It's just overwhelming my thoughts and I can't make a decision. Sigh again. Whatever may be, of one thing I am sure, my life will turn out exactly as it’s meant to be. However, I would like some of your opinions, por favor? :D


January 8, 2010


I still get secretly thrilled when I hole shot people. I do. What makes my Cheshire cat smile even wider is that I have a 4 cylinder soccer mom car. It just goes to show that it's all about the drivers skill not the car.

Hey, does anyone else think a traffic light looks like a Christmas tree? Still not over the season, I guess.

The opposite of the secret thrill is when I get cock blocked in the right hand lane. I am so NOT smiling when the car in front of me wants to go straight and I want to turn. Aggravates the crap out of me so I have to curse them with diarrhea. Teehee. I wonder if it ever works. I also wonder if I'll ever be able to spell diarrhea without spell check.

It's the little things, people. The little things.

So, I was sitting on my arse watching TV with Amanda last week when '100 Most Shocking Rock Moments' came on. Yea, yea, VH1. As we sat there talking about each number on the countdown, I noticed myself saying 'He was so hot in the 80's' a lot. Amanda would give me this look that clearly said 'WTF?' every time. That's when I realized the hair band hotties were now hot messes.

Ok, ok. JBJ still looks good but nothing like he did in the 80's. ::purr::

Egads. I'm almost embarrassed to have lusted after those leather & spandex clad men. Even more embarrassed that I tried to emulate their toxic hair styles and makeup. Oh, and who brings a chicken to an Alice Cooper concert? Or any concert, for that matter? Yea, that incident was on the countdown. Anyway, those guys do not look anything like I remember.

Hmmmm....that reminds me of the Pepperidge Farm remembers guy. Who can forget that commercial?

I wonder what he looks like. Sad thing is...that guy is probably no longer alive. Sorta like this guy...