November 23, 2009

Thankful Report

Well, it’s that time of the year again. Time to express your thanks for all the wonderful things you have in your life. So, here is my yearly ‘Thankful Report’. I am the idealist who truly believes that everyone is thankful every single day. At least a little thankful…maybe..hopefully…yes? Well, if you aren't, you should be!! Anyway, it seems we choose the holiday season to express our gratitude aloud. Hmm....I wonder why that is.

Now, I’m not taking friends & family. Those are among the obvious choices one spouts when asked what they are thankful for. No, not those. I am talking those oddities that you really don’t pay much attention to. Those tiny, miniscule things that many of us take for granted but would truly miss were they gone. Yes, those things. Those truly amazing things.

So, tell me, what are you thankful for today?

1. Fuzzy socks. So much better than slippers. Soft & fuzzy, too. Perfect for keeping cold feet warm.

2. Hot showers. There is nothing better than zoning out in a hot shower & just… being. Yes, naked & wet is good, too. :)
3. Chapstick. I will always pay homage to my waxy lips & the tube that makes them so.
4. Diabetes. Yes, thank you for making me healthier, more aware & more loving of life.
5. Happy songs & my iPod link. My iPod link lets me have control of the music in my car. Music provokes such memories & feelings and I appreciate that. Today this song made me smile:

6. Lotion. My skin would flake away like dust in the wind without it. Go ahead..sing it.
7. High heels. I love my shoes. The different, weird, fabu shoes that hug my feet. Really I should be grateful for designers like Betsey Johnson. *sigh*
8. Cawfee. I can deal with any mundane bs with cawfee by my side.
9. People who care about the planet. People who don’t litter, who recycle & plant trees. People who use & buy eco-friendly products, turn off the lights, buy organic & local. I love this planet & the beauty it provides. For you, I am super thankful.

10. Internet. I Google to seem smarter, You Tube to reminisce, List of the Day to laugh.
11. Facebook. I have found old friends, made new and became reacquainted with many.
12. The warm spot the cat leaves. When I crawl into bed and he moves, my feet go directly to the warm spot. *sigh*
13. Sushi. Specifically all you can eat sushi. Yum.
14. Invitations. Although I can’t make every event, I love being invited. I’m typically the inviter & it feels good to be the recipient.
15. Those who read what I write. You stroke my ego, thank you.
16. Fresh & Easy flowers. I give myself flowers because I deserve them & I love them. I live in the desert & can’t just walk outside to a field full. Thankfully, there's Fresh & Easy.

17. Laughter. Giggles. Snickers. Snorts. All good.
18. A good novel. Authors who take me to another place, touch my soul & help me grow.
19. Post Secret. Makes me feel like less of a psychopath.
20. Mechanics. I have no idea how to change my oil..and I don't want to know.
21. Touching. It's my favorite sense.

22. Quiet mornings. When it’s dark, the coffee is hot and the world is at peace.
23. Netflix. I don’t have to leave the house to see a good movie!
24. Dental floss. Especially at Thanksgiving!
25. Tivo. The perfect marriage of reality & tv.
26. Toilet paper. For obvious reasons. I wouldn’t like to use leaves or newspaper.
27. My crackberry. My lifeline.
28. Lint Removers. SO thankful. Two hairy cats and a lover of wearing black, I thank you.
29. Weekends. Love them. Enough said.
30. Soldiers. I am a peace lover. My name means warrior woman but I am not a war lover. However, I am thankful for those who love this country so completely that they put their lives on the line for my freedom. The only thing I love that much is Amanda. So, David & Adam, thank you.

Being thankful or grateful everyday helps you appreciate those things in your life that may be overlooked or taken for granted. In a society that always covets more, I am thankful for those things I already have in my possession. The most important of which is happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy yourselves.

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -Buddha


November 17, 2009

Gets My Goat

You know what really gets my goat? Yes, I did just say that. The Walmart $5 movie bin gets my goat. I am a movie lover. I admit it. I feel the need to buy DVD’s when they are released, add them to my little collection, then feel all happy and complete inside.

I am a member of Netflix and my queue is always growing. I have a Blockbuster card and a Hollywood Video card, both of which are within 2 miles of my home and there are several theaters within 5 miles of my home. So, there is not a lack of movie watching opportunities in my life. I simply like the luxury of watching what I want, when I want, in my pj’s, on my couch....drunk. This is also why I love Tivo.

My goat gets got when I see a movie that I purchased a few weeks ago for $20 in the $5 bin. Laying right on top, taunting me, silently laughing at me and my goat. I get so mad at myself! Then I allow my mind to send a litany of curses to my self followed with this unanswerable question. ‘Why can’t I just freaking wait a few weeks?’ ‘Up’ will not worsen over the few weeks it takes for it to end up in the discount bin. Is it because I hate digging through that bin? Pushing past the socks someone changed their mind about? Rummaging through sticky germ filled cases to find the flick you’ll take? Pillaging through old Clint Eastwood and B movies? Treasure hunting for obscure cinema at rock bottom prices? Hmmm…maybe paying full price isn’t so bad after all….maybe.

Oh…and they even have a Facebook group. Stop it. It's true. Grrr to you, $5 movie bin. Grrr. To. You.

Speaking of obscurity, have you ever seen a celebrity and thought they looked like someone or something else? I like to refer to these as Obscure Look-a-Likes. Here are a few off the top of my head. Feel free to add your own and I’ll probably add more as I continue to shop at Walmart and go to the movies.

Oh! Attention movie lovers: 'New Moon' on Saturday with the girls. Once again, mooning over under age men. Anyone interested in joining, let me know. ::here kitty, kitty, kitty::: I wonder if there will be more teen girls in the theater or more cougars. Meow. I’ll let you know.

Obscure Look-a-Likes
by Kelly

~Thunder carrots, thunder carrots, thunder carrots! HO!!!

~Curses! Like a Rolling Stone!

~Earmuffs! You've got your ball, you've got your chain.

~Cut Here.

~The Village is Gonzo.

~And just to be fair. Electric Hippie Mayhem.


November 9, 2009


This morning I woke up in tears but wasn’t sure why. I thought maybe I had a bad dream that I couldn’t remember and left it at that. I rushed to get ready for work and to get to the lab at 7am so I could turn in my jug ‘o pee and get pricked. Fun things a diabetic has to do. Of course, I was at the end of the line. Such is my life, and I had to wait an hour before getting called back.

During that hour, my mind ran rampant. I started out thinking about my disease. See D-Blog Day to read more about that. When that began to bore me, my thoughts were suddenly bombarded and there was no stopping it.

Ma. I sat there in a room full of strangers, my eyes threatening to spill out tears and missing her so much I could hardly breathe when it hit me. Today is the anniversary of her death. 6 years since I lost a piece of my heart. The same heart that knew it before my mind did.

I don’t know how many of you know this but I was adopted. When I was, I don’t know, 2, I guess. My grandparents adopted me. I grew up thinking they were my parents and still, to this day, refer to them as such. While my childhood was very different than most, in many ways, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Some of the best memories I have are from growing up in NY. Some of my best memories include Ma.

Ma was an amazing woman. She was quietly strong. A sweet Texan who slept with a hammer next to her bed. She was quick to laugh. A true humor very few possess. She loved without question. She cared without expectations. She wasn’t book smart but she was intelligent. Most of all, she asked how I was. She asked if I was alright. She, while dealing with her own disease, worried about mine.

Ma would watch Amanda while I was at work. As a single working mother, I needed her and she was there. I loved that Amanda wasn't being watched by strangers. Last night Amanda was yammering away telling her stories when I looked at her and said ‘Amanda. I am a bullet point person. I don’t need the fluff.’ Then I paused and said ‘You’re just like Ma.’ And…she is. Ma would yammer away just for the sake of connecting. It was her contentment of sharing a story that made it beautiful. Gosh, maybe I, too, am like Ma. It’s a shame Amanda lost her ‘GG’ when she was only 9 years old. But, it’s also a joy that Amanda got to know this woman who had a heart of gold. I hope Amanda remembers her forever.

When I was little, I used to think Ma was a witch. She had some crazy remedy for whatever was ailing you. Or she had some oddball superstitious way of explaining things. Even as I grew older, I would continue to seek her out and say ‘Ma! What does it mean when your left hand itches?’ She would reply ‘You’re going to lose money. Be careful.’ Or ‘Ma! What do I do when my throat hurts but I don’t have a stuffy nose?’ She would reply ‘Gargle with warm salt water.’ She would also be the one I called and asked ‘Ma! How long do I cook a whole chicken for?’ Or ‘Ma! How do I make those Thanksgiving turkey things?’ She would make these incredible turkeys out of Nilla wafers, chocolate covered cherries, candy corn, chocolate frosting, mini chocolate chips & a burnt peanut. They were such fun and she’d always make extra so that I could take them to work. Now you can make them, too. They were kinda like this…but way better.

I also have a plant that I took when Ma died. That plant has continued to have babies which I have passed along to all of my friends. When Amanda leaves and gets her own place, she, too, will have a piece of Ma's plant. It's my way of making sure she lives on.

When Ma died, I could not grieve. I felt that I had to be strong because everyone else was falling apart. I couldn’t talk about her because I would only end up comforting them. I stopped myself from publicly feeling.

Still….I grieve in silence. I grieve in the car on the way home when I hear ‘Can You Stop the Rain?’ come on my iPod. One of her favorite songs.

I grieve when I am trying to fall asleep. I grieve when I am at my wits end and I ask her, out loud, what I should do. I grieve when I am hiking at Red Rock and a peaceful wind grazes my face. I grieve when I stop trying to be so strong and allow myself to. When I become that little child who needs a hug, needs someone to ask if she’s ok, and needs someone to love her with limitless abandonment, I grieve.

Today, I am not so silently, yet silently, grieving.

I miss you, Ma.