I am depressed. It’s true. There. I said it. Maybe not depressed but definitely sad. Being sad is a feeling that I am not accustomed to as I am typically not someone who entertains that whole ‘woe is me’ mode. I am someone that typically entertains the ‘primrose path’ mode. Thanks, Shakespeare. However, I do tend to bottle up my feelings until they become too much. When they suddenly break free, I am ill equipped and unprepared. This usually happens when I am stressed, exhausted and over my emotional limit.
Welcome to one of those times where I am the star in my very own gallery of broken hearts and disappointments.
I think we have all succumbed to the little disappointments that life brings. It’s human nature. Try as we might, happiness does not reign supreme 24/7. Once the gallery opens, it’s a flood gate and you wonder how you will ever be ok. Of course, you know you will be. Joy will eventually replace the sadness, balance ensues and all is right with the world. It’s the Yin and Yang of life, really. Right now…I am Yin.
I am also an expectator. Yes, I just made that word up. I like it. I am an expectator, meaning I tend to have high expectations of people, places, things, moments, etc. For example, I have such a vivid imagination that I tend to create the entire glorious experience before I even begin the adventure. Bad Kelly.
So, I have been on a path of learning not to do this to myself simply to avoid the feelings of disappointment which range from slight to immense. Also, I am learning not to do this to others. It certainly is no fault of theirs that I have great expectations and it certainly isn't fair. Obviously, I am still learning. This doesn’t mean to say that I don’t enjoy the simple pleasures in life. I do and I get the most satisfaction from these. Like I said, I just have great expectations.
This is what my friend, Dario, said after my dramatic proclamation of being depressed. ‘Everybody is a gallery of broken hearts and disappointments in this stupid world of humans with too big brains that make us think too much (and usually not in the correct way!). But those broken hearts and disappointments only count when, for some or other reason, we suddenly focus on them, and they stick on our mind, on some philosophically oriented morning, or on a long weekend which leaves too much time to brood. I see you have a beautiful child, a fine mind and pretty awesome boobs... From my perspective, could be worse...’
He is right. Not only regarding the fact that I have awesome boobs, but also about the wonderful life I am living. Despite the people who let me down, the dreams that have been shattered, the paths that have not been taken, the happily ever after love that has not been found, things could be worse and I probably have no right to complain or feel badly. In reality, most of us do not have the right but we do anyway. I wonder why that is?
In any event, The Daily Mind has a great article on how to deal with life's disappointments. There is also a great quote that I will share just in case you don't want to read the article.
“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” – Eliza Tabor
In this moment, I am sad and that’s ok. It’s ok to cry, too…….just for the record.