August 26, 2009

Now Playing.....

Amanda started her new job at Retro Bakery and got her first paycheck. It’s so cool because she paid me back for her health card. This took most of her pay. Poor little lamb. As a mother, I wanted to tell her to keep the money but as a mother, I want her to learn responsibility. I took her $50 and didn’t make a big deal out of it. I’m so proud that she is already learning the American way. 95% of your paycheck will go towards bills. The end. Haha!

I came to the conclusion that your teen getting a job is the first step in the letting go process. She worked for a few hours on Friday & Saturday and I was alone. I went through the typical ‘empty nest’ moment where I wondered what the hell I could do for me….not someone else. Amanda & I have the strongest bond I have ever seen so I know that when college comes, I am going to be a hot mess. Hopefully, this loneliness thing will ease up and by then I’ll be pushing her out the door. I also have friends who will help me survive. OH! Wait!! Then I’ll buy that dawg and become that type of crazy.*sigh* I forgot I had a plan. Hmmmm......I wonder if said friends will help clean up dawg poo.

I would like to let all the male readers…if there are any…in on a little female secret. Women lie about the number of men they have slept with. Listen, if you have the nads to ask, we are going to exaggerate. Just like how you lie and add more to your total, we subtract.

I may get kicked out of the ‘She Woman Man Haters Club’ but it’s worth it. Almost every woman has a set number that she will proudly announce and a true number that she ho-ards. <--did you get that? Haha! My number is 7. The sad part is that I really thought it was 7 until last year. We were waiting in a Disney ride line and the subject came up. Who said inappropriate?! Haha! Anyway, nads Bill asked and I replied with my standard answer. For whatever reason, the discussion continued and I began naming & counting in my mind. That wasn’t good enough so I started revealing the names of those lucky devils to Bill. I finished, confirmed and said ‘Yep, 7.’ Bill then replied ‘What about Amanda’s dad?’ Holy crap!! I totally forgot about him! No shocker there but it made me wonder who else I forgot. Haha! How sad. I blame diabetes for screwing with my memory….and alcohol….and drugs…..and and… So, yea, women lie about their numbers and I say hey, whatever makes you feel like less of a slut is fine with me. Haha!

What made me think of numbers was that I was thinking about past lovers. I apparently need to find a hobby. Haha! I had this grand epiphany while I was stalking…I mean looking….around on Facebook. I saw a picture of a guy that one of my friends had slept with a million years ago. Ewwwww….he looked like a retired porn star. All his cuteness had somehow escaped over the past 25 years. This made me crack up until I almost peed in my pants. I immediately forwarded the picture to my friend & we laughed together. I then thought that it would be awesome if, at age 40, a film strip of past lovers rolled through your mind. Past & present photos so that you can wonder what the hell were you thinking and what the hell happened. So you could not only remember who but also laugh at how much people change. Also, become aware of how much your taste has changed. The things that I adored and thought were super important when I was 20 now seem ridiculous and unattractive at 40. Older and wiser, for some. Older and fatter, for others. :)

And, once again, it's time for the Friendship Blog Love.

Dear Loblaw,

I’m grateful you became my faux lover at the bar just to help keep the boys away. Shit. Piss. Facundo. Was that the first time we met? We met, we laughed, we passed on by. I’m grateful for the Spice Girls. Was that the second time we met? We dressed, we laughed, we passed on by. I’m grateful for Sex in the City. That was the last time we met. We cried in the bathroom, we laughed, we became friends. I’m grateful I have a friend who understands. I am grateful to be T1Ts. I am grateful for the support. I am grateful for the fat clothes. I am grateful for the cupcake love. I am grateful for the wine and whine. I am grateful for the messenger pictures that make me laugh & make my day. I am grateful you let me have your family. I am grateful for psh, cut, slap, rawr, grrr, chop and the hundred other onomatopoeias we listed in order of seriousness. haha! I am grateful for the socks. I am grateful to have been a witness to the snow bikini sock modeling. I am grateful for the party help..always. I am grateful I have someone to leave my shoes to. I am grateful for the fashion & beauty love. I am grateful for Bob Loblaw and Walt Chadoin. I am grateful that I can be 100% who I am with you. I am grateful you can be 100% who you are with me. I am grateful that you love my daughter. I am grateful for the lurvity lurve lurve lurve. I am grateful to be your bridesmaid. I am grateful to have a BFF who is truly wonderful in every way, hysterically funny and stunningly beautiful. You rock.


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