July 2, 2009

Wii-tarded

Written February 26, 2009


I have named my Wii Fit Trainer and shall now refer to him as ‘Noah’. Noah pisses me off for several reasons. First…I am there shaking my ass all over the place and he never tries to hit on me. What the French toast, Noah?! So, I’m in the Half Moon pose all pissed at Noah when he turns to the side…and I see it….a ponytail. Aha! Noah is gay! Fine. Even better. Now we can be friends and I can shake my ass without trying to look cute. Whew!

Noah also makes me mad because he can’t make up his mind. One moment he is telling me I have great balance. Then next moment he is telling me I have no balance. One moment he says ‘You’re really strong, aren’t you?’ The next moment he says I am shaky and need to work out more. Seriously? Eff you, Noah. Next time I’m pulling your ponytail. Psh.

Speaking of tails…stupid Noah…what is that?!?! WHY do you have a ponytail?! Didn’t tails go out with spiral perms and mullets? Granted…you still see Nicky Trailer Trash running around with a mullet but what it really sad is when you see 5 year old Nicky Jr. with a tail! Pony or otherwise.

This makes me think about genetics. I know tails & mullets aren’t genetic…taste is…but I can’t help give this some thought. I will be the first to tell you that I have the shit end of my gene pool stick. Diabetes. Fat arse. Bad teeth. It’s ridiculous. But..what about the great gene pools? What is it like to be a member of those? Think about Brangelina’s gene pool. Holy jaysus. Shiloh and whatever the twins are called, even on their worst day, have the most incredible DNA makeup ever. How does one get that lucky? Is there some line in heaven where all the souls are hanging out waiting for a bod? If so, why would I choose to dive into this pool instead of choosing the Angelina or Kate Beckinsale pool? Psh. I obviously wasn’t paying attention if that were the case. Or am a glutton for punishment.

Which brings me to my next complaint. I am single and dating is hard in Vegas. Although, I’m not so sure it isn’t hard everywhere. Dating, for me, has gone from interpersonal to interactive. Whatever happened to the days when a man & a woman met, connected and he asked her on a date. Men, it seems, have turned into wimps. I don't want to have more balls than the man I'm interested in! Holy crap on a cracker! It seems all men want to commit to is a textually active relationship. Blah. This seems to be the norm for me lately and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. Don’t get me wrong. I love texting and email. I’d rather contact you that way than spend hours on the phone yacking about nothing. At least with text, I can write you, walk away, do what I need to do and then come back to you. However, I would choose to hang out with a person over texting a person any day. Seriously, fellas, I’m not 14 and not interested in dating the internet. Psh psh psh.

Also, when did honesty become an option? At the very least, be honest. You try people on for size…that’s the object of dating. If one doesn’t fit…move on and try another. Not everyone is going to like me and vice versa. It’s not mean..it’s natural. If you don’t like me…man up. I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to go stalker either. I’m just going to go. I seriously need to find someone who is more man than I am.

So, I am going into hibernation. It’s that time again and they seem to be happening more frequently. I think I push myself too far with work, home and social life. I spend so much time doing & caring for others that I tend to forget myself. It’s then that I either get emotionally & physically exhausted or I become the volcano that is waiting to erupt. I have to step away from everyone..and everything…and focus on myself. That’s my plan for this weekend…at the very least. It may move into longer because I’m really just frustrated and disappointed and many other negative things that people shouldn’t have to be a part of. So, in an attempt to get back to being the better person I know I am…I am going to be selfish for a while. I’m also going to try the following….take a gander.

Daily OM issued a task today. A task to remind myself of my magnificence by listing ‘Five Things I Like About Myself’. OM said to not be modest, not only include physical attributes and to continue this exercise daily for one week. At the end of the week, OM directs to read the list aloud and instead of trying to fix flaws, celebrate the admirable attributes. I’ve mentioned before that I wish I saw myself as my friends do. Perhaps this exercise will help me achieve that gift. After all, I am my permanent companion, I am my biggest supporter and I am magnificent. I suggest all my readers give this a shot. Let me know the 1st ‘Five Things YOU Like About Yourself’ and then continue each day. We can share our thoughts at the end of the week.

1. I like my sense of humor. I crack myself up on a daily basis because I possess true, genuine humor. Not many people do.

2. I like my honesty. You always know how I feel or what I think..good or bad. Haha!

3. I like my loyalty. I have many acquaintances but very few friends. Once I have let you past the wall and into my heart, I will be yours forever. I will fight for you, laugh with you, cry for you, enjoy for you, hurt for you, succeed for you..and fail for you. I have had the same best friend for 29 years. This is the type of friend I am.

4. I like my eyes. Even though they are getting wrinkled, I still think they are my best physical attribute. The lines show that I have lived…and loved…and lost. They change color based on my mood or clothing choices. They look at you..not through you, past you or at what you are wearing. They are indeed the window to my soul.

5. I like the way I love. Wholeheartedly, honestly, truly, completely, deeply. I may get mad or hurt or angry at you, but even through those negative emotions, my love remains.

There you go. Tomorrow will be more difficult. 7×5=35. Yes…I did the math. That’s a lot of good things to find when I’m so used to being my own worst critic.

*Peace.

Update - My friends sent 5 good things about me that brought a tear to my eye. This is why my friendships all ring true. Lurve, Lurve, Smurfy & Sheshie. My cup runneth over. <3>

Kelly:

1. You’re a great mother and are raising an amazing young woman who will be a positive, contributing member of society…THANK YOU FOR THAT!!
2. You plan things and make an effort to keep your friendships from dissolving…I don’t do that…THANK YOU FOR THAT!!
3. You are perhaps the most self-realizing, realistic person I know…that is refreshing!
4. You are funny, you laugh, you smile, you seek the best in all things.
5. You tell me nice, encouraging things about myself…even though most of the time I don’t believe them.

Kelly:

1. Is beautiful, inside and out. Being around her makes me feel uplifted. Even if we both bitch and moan, I always feel good.
2. Is a place that I can turn for truth, whether I like it or not and I never resent her for it.
3. Is a great mother and great friend. Her kid doesn’t quite know how lucky she is, but Kelly has sacrificed herself and her life to make a life for her child. She is capable of unconditional love.
4. Is a secret lover. Not a lover of secrets, but secretly wants to give love to someone who deserves it. But it can’t be rushed, when the person who is worthy of her actually comes along it will be beautiful.
5. Is a partner in crime with me. She is the first person I think of when I want to go and do something because I know that it will involve wine and laughs!

1 comment:

  1. Rec'd April 3, 2009 from Aaron:

    You on the other hand you don't look like you've aged a day, well its obvious your mind hasn't. I read some of you're blogs ... I mean, wiping the dust from the car radio with your foot, while sitting at traffic lights ??? Outstanding!!

    Here are five things I like about me ..

    1. My eyes. I'm told they're 'very nice indeed'. The rest of me looks like shit but hey who cares? I've got foxy eyes. Mind you these days when I'm told its almost always with the caveat of ".. for a man of your age"

    2. My sense of optimism in that I have finally managed to manage my expectations. I'm always confident that things are good but at the same time aware that things have a habit of changing. Kind of makes me feel expectantly content.

    3. My generosity. Sounds a self congratulatory I know but I only like it in the sense that I really is the right way to be and helping others is absolutely the right thing to do. I don't talk about it or really think about it, I just do it (if I can) ...

    4. My ability to ramble on for hours about anything. They say we Irish get out conversational talents from 'kissing the Blarney stone'. I say, I must have swallowed it ...

    5. My coffee .. it keeps me calm.

    There's a lot to read on your blogs and what Ive read so far is seriously entertaining. Consider yourself declared as 'dead on'

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