July 2, 2009

What? Me Worry?

Written January 24, 2008

Did you ever have someone you thought was gone from your life show up like a bad penny? Speaking of which, isn’t that a crazy phrase? Sir Walter Scott started that phrase but it was a shilling he referenced. Why would a shilling or penny be bad? I thought if you found a penny and picked it up, you had good luck. Argh! Anyway, out of the blue someone who was very special to me once sent me an email. ‘Was’ being the operative word. This person hurt me. Incredibly so…regarding several things…but the worst was in telling me that I didn’t have the qualities it took to be a good friend. Ouch. Am I cynical to wonder why he contacted me? To wonder what is wanted from me? Or should I stand my ground and deny access? After all, he had already been erased.

So, I was sitting in my car waiting for my yoga class to start last Friday. It was early in the morning and the doors were locked. It cracks me up how people will walk up to a door, pull the handle and if it is locked, continue to pull three or four times. Like if they keep pulling, it will magically unlock. Like there is a secret pull code and pulling the right number of times will gain you entry. Sheesh. Seriously. Pull once…twice just to check and then walk away.

Along with idiot watching, I was watching this crazy black bird. Bye Bye Blackbird played softly in the background as I watched this creature. I am not a bird fan..at all…but I like watching them. I was oddly intrigued. There was a piece of gum in the crack of the sidewalk. I don’t know if he wanted it to eat or wanted it as glue for his nest. But I wish I had a video camera. It was the craziest thing. Bye Bye, as he is henceforth named, would pull the gum, the gum would stretch and go back down. So, this bird was going up and down with a stream of gum hanging from his beak. Poor little guy. Finally he stopped, looked his beady eyes around as if asking for help and then flew away. So, as a public bird announcement, please don’t throw your nasty gum on the ground.

After yoga, I went to lunch with my mom and the girls. Mexican. I hate Mexican but I thought ‘I haven’t had it in a million years, maybe my tastes have changed.’ They haven’t. I vividly remembered why at about 7pm that night. I felt like I had a load of shit in my stomach, I was throwing up in my mouth and I actually had a bloody nose at one point!! Ugh, I was so disgustingly full, and sick, of fat, Mexican lard. I will never eat that crap again…ever. The funny thing was, at least I thought it was funny, was the ride to the restaurant. We were at a red light right, waiting to turn into our restaurant. There was a group of Mexicans standing on the corner. You know how they stand there and wait for work? Like if you need some handy work done, they will hop in your car and work for about 20 pesos. Anyway, Amanda was like ‘What are they doing standing on the corner?’ I told Amanda they were getting ready to make her burrito! As I was laughing at my being clever, a guy came walking down the same sidewalk in a Statue of Liberty costume. I immediately wondered in how many places would you see a bunch of illegals and a Statue of Liberty hanging on the same street corner? In how many towns is this a normal sight? It was so fucking ironic. Crazy, like the blackbird.

People can say some really dumb things. No, I’m not talking about George Bush. Everything he says is dumb. Haha! I have this one memorable time when I wished for the power to suck back the words that came out of my piehole. I just started dating my ex husband when I asked “What is your brother’s last name?” Ugh. Idiot!! What is the dumbest thing you have said?

Does anyone remember Mad Magazine? I used to love that rag! My little 10 year old self would get so excited when my dad would bring a copy home for me. I learned many valuable life lessons from Alfred E. Neuman. The best part of the magazine, other than Spy vs. Spy and the hidden corner comics, was the last page fold out. By folding the page into three, it would create a totally new picture. I thought about this because there is nothing on TV anymore. I was flipping through the channels and saw Mad TV. Not the same, but it brought back some very fond memories that I had tucked away. So, I went to Barnes & Noble and there he was. My gap toothed, wise ass, red headed boyfriend. I bought it for Amanda and yes, it had the last page treasure. I am very proud to say that Amanda loved it, too.

I’m not going to blog about Heath because it makes me very sad. I just want to remind everyone to enjoy every day, tell those around you how you feel, smile and laugh.


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