July 2, 2009

Murphy's Law

I am one of those people….’whatever can go wrong, will go wrong’. I laugh about it because it’s so inherently ridiculous. My life course just isn’t a smooth one and that’s ok because it provides me with endless entertainment. What I was curious about, though, was Murphy himself. So I did a little research. Edward Murphy was an Aerospace Engineer….wow…impressive. During an attempt to show some new devices that failed to work properly, Murph stated ‘’If there’s more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then somebody will do it that way.’ It was in that moment that Murphy changed his course. Who can believe that one phrase could affect the world for years to come? Then again, who would want the fame of failure? Murphy will get blamed for everything always. Poor Murphy. Poor Murphy’s family.

You know what is disgusting? Public restrooms. I literally hold my urine until I almost explode before I will use the office restroom. I just remembered one reason why and will share. Industrial deodorizer. Why does a person think it’s necessary to poop and then spray mango deodorizer? Apparently, so I can hurry in and become engulfed by mango smelling poop. Dee…sgus…ting. *gag* I also don’t understand toilet seat covers. I almost pee my pants trying to rip open the thing and keep it on the seat. 9 times out of 10 half the cover slips into the water and I have to start over. Whoever invented those should have put sticky tape on one side. Seriously.

Right here, right now, I am making a promise to my world. I promise that I will never wear ‘grandma’ tees. I won’t, not even if you buy me one. Not even if my cutest, sweetest, most charming grandchild buys me one. Sorry, kid. Your shirt sucks. Anyway, I made this monumental life choice while sitting in the Dr’s office. Grandma came waltzing in wearing a tee with a slot machine on it and a bunch of coins spurting out of the till. (I sound so Vegas-y.) Above the slot machine read “Grandma’s Bandits” and on each coin was a random name. Again, I promise.

Does anyone other than me notice that Kelly Ripa is ALWAYS flexing her man arms? Just curious. She’s needs to be CUT!

I have just come to the realization or, more precisely, admitted to myself that I have no idea what men want. I am 40 years old. I have dated for over ½ of my life and I still haven’t got a clue. How is this possible? My friends always say ‘Every pot has a lid.’ and my reply is always ‘Maybe I’m a colander.’ I’m beginning to think I very well may be. Not that being a colander is a bad thing. Pasta is good. But, I would think that I would be a little more in tune with the opposite sex than I actually am. Perhaps this was a college course that I missed. Does anyone have Cliff Notes?
I’m rambling, as always, so I’ll stop. It’s time for me to go home anyway.


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