July 2, 2009

A Man Duh

Written April 7, 2009

This week I am blogging about the most important person in my life.My daughter. I may be Murphy’s Law and I may be the unluckiest Irish girl on the planet but I hit the jackpot with her. I did something right. Amanda is the most amazing person I have ever known.I know you are probably shaking your head and saying ‘Eh, you’re her mother.You’re supposed to feel that way.’Let me assure you, I would feel that way even if she weren’t my daughter.Absolute bonus points that she is though. YAY me!

Amanda is someone I would want as my best friend if I were 14. Amanda is someone I would want my children to aspire to if I were any other parent. Amanda is someone I would want to love forever if I were any boy. She is that incredible. I don’t know that I necessarily believe in soul mates, but if I did, Amanda would certainly be one of mine. One of her best qualities that I want to focus on today is her sense of humor. She is one of the rare people that have a true, genuine sense of humor. I wonder who she gets that from? Psh. Haha! Amanda is funny, in every sense of the word. Here are some classic moments that had me close to peeing my pants.

I took Amanda into Walgreens the other day because I am an insane mother. I saw a random dark hair on her face and didn’t want her to have a stash. So, I was going to bleach it. I didn’t want to pluck it because that would hurt and it would only grow back. I didn’t want to shave it because that would cause more to grow. I wanted to bleach it. After walking around for 10 minutes and not finding any hair bleach, I asked an elderly sales lady in the beauty aisle where the hair bleach was. Crazy lady started to lean closer to my face for an inspection. Anyone who knows me knows that I have major personal space issues. Granted I wasn’t in the best of moods, so I air slapped her away and said ‘Not me!’

Big mistake. Huge. She turns to my daughter and before I could even react, she reached her gnarled hand out and grabbed her face!! Said face registered immediate horror as I stood there with my jaw on the floor. The sales lady then gets nose to nose with Amanda and said ‘She doesn’t need hair bleach!’ OMG!! Are you kidding me?!!? I finally found my voice and said ‘Can you please tell me where the hair bleach is?’ I should also get major bonus points for this because I typically would have flown off the handle at this intrusive woman. But…I was taught to respect your elders…and she was definitely my elder. Crazy lady starts telling me I should shave it or pluck it. Here’s where I internally snapped. A. Do not assume to tell me what to do with my child. B. I am the customer. Service me. Haha! Not like that! Pervs! She proceeds to give me her opinion on how I should leave my daughter alone. She says that I shouldn’t bleach anything on her face. This coming from an old hag with a stash/beard comparable to my fathers. WHY?! Would I listen to you?!?! I said ‘Are you going to tell me where it is or not because I am done with this conversation.’ Finally, she shows me where the bleach is along with some crazy thing to scrub the hair off. I grabbed the bleach and was still aghast as I paid and walked out.

We get into the car, I look at Amanda and she says ‘I can’t believe the Crypt Keeper touched my face and her breath smelled like butt!!!’ That was all it took. We sat in the parking lot and laughed for a good 5 minutes before driving away.

Another time we were in Albertsons picking up some items that I had forgotten during my weekly grocery shopping trip. Hey, I can’t remember everything! Amanda & I were walking out of the organic aisle with cereal in hand chatting away about whatever when this lady says something. Ok. Not only was this lady was scary. She looked like this:


But, I also couldn’t understand her. We kept walking and I said to Amanda ‘What did she say?’ and Amanda quips ‘I don’t know. I don’t speak crazy old lady.’ Again, laughter ensued. I finally realized that the lady said ‘Do you want to rent her to me for a week?’ which is nuts on a whole new level. I relay this to Amanda and she yells ‘Witch!!’ Again…laughter. It was so hysterically funny that I was crying.

All of these things probably make me a horrible parent. Cereal. But, I don’t care. The more laughter, the better, I say. I just love Amanda completely and totally, like no other. I am also so proud and grateful for her on so many levels. I just wanted to sing her praises for a moment and share level 1 with you.

I hope you enjoyed. Oh, and if you don’t know already know Amanda, I suggest you do. She will definitely bring light to your life. :)

However, you need my permission first. Ha!


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