July 2, 2009

Haphazard Hump Day

Written May 20, 2009

Elisa is getting her gall bladder removed this weekend. She is watching a You Tube video of the procedure right now. I can’t hear the video but I can hear this: “Ew!” “I’m gonna barf!” “It’s green!” “*gasp*” “Gross.” “They cut the fucker right open.” Hey, Elisa! Happy Memorial Day. Psh! Be well. xo

I am considering liposuction. I am too busy and equally too lazy to do anything else. I won’t get a tummy tuck though. Those scars are nasty!! I’d rather have a muffin top than a Freddy Krueger top.





If you went to the DMV to get new license plates and they gave you ones that had ‘666’ on them, what would you do? I would ask for different ones. Even though I’m not uber religious, I still think it’s a bad sign. I don’t even like driving behind a 666-er. If you took them to look cool...it won't work. You'll look like a douche. An evil one.

Starbucks makes me late every morning. I left early this morning to avoid being late. Never fails…the drive thru line was at a stand still. If I were strong enough to break my addiction, I’d skip it and get to work 20 minutes early. I'm not strong when it comes to caffeine though. So, if I get written up, I’m blaming the Starbucks on Lake Mead & McDaniel. Thanks a latte, Starbucks.
I try to do something fun every day. They are usually small things like singing in the car or lying on Amanda’s bed having girl chat while she puts her pj’s on or sending a silly, random text to a friend for no apparent reason. Little things are big things to me. This weekend, however, is a big thing. For real. I’m going to Disneyland, Magic Mountain, Knotts Berry Farm and LA just for fun. I may be walking around limping like a zombie, but I will be having fun. Giving my daughter a fabulous life is the best kind of fun EVER! Try to have fun every day, people.

It’s cool how songs have the ability to remind you of certain times in your life. I may forget A LOT but Led Zeppelin always reminds me of Steven Finck and skinny dipping. Cyndi Lauper reminds me of Mark Shuster and hours of phone conversation. Prince reminds me of sitting on Heidi’s porch swing and singing. GNR reminds me of beeping the car horn through the tunnel and laughing with Lori & Loren. The Doobie Brothers reminds me of being with my dad riding in his van. Oh, and ‘What’s Happening.’ Music is an incredible memory inducer! I wish I had a soundtrack to my life.

The ice cream man that comes into my neighborhood is creepy. Quite possibly a pedophile just because he has a scary beat up van, eery circus music that has a duck quacking randomly throughout and still goes around when it’s dark outside. I would never buy ice cream from him. Never. Why don’t ice cream men have fun trucks with pretty colors and pictures? Why don't they have fun music? Why do they drive around when kids should be going inside & eating dinner? Why a duck?!!?


Why do paper cuts hurt so freaking bad that you want to scream? I could trip, fall, break my arm and promise it wouldn’t hurt more than a paper cut.

I love that Fresh & Easy has special parking spots for those with hybrid vehicles. I do. Way to stick to your brand & your cause!! I think because I am aiding in polluting the environment with my Honda CRV that I should have to walk 30 extra steps to get inside. But….when I do get inside…why do you not have veggie hot dogs? I don't understand. Fresh & Easy do have great flowers though.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend, everyone! Hopefully you have 3 days off to enjoy.


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