July 2, 2009

Gentleman Friend

Lately it seems, or rather it has captured my attention, that older women use the term ‘gentleman friend’ quite often. In older I mean late 40’s – early 50’s. My question is what constitutes a gentlemen friend? Bill & Joey are my friends, and technically men, so should I call them my gentleman friends? You know…’Oh, I went hiking with my gentleman friend.’ I feel like it implies more than a friendship. I feel like perhaps it pertains to a lover. You know…’Oh, I slept with my gentleman friend last night.’ Which is correct? Am I to old to refer to someone as my boyfriend? Should I refer to him as my gentleman friend instead? Just for future reference. Haha!

I freaking love the English language. There are so many crazy ass phrases, words, etc. that you could spend days just researching them all! Did you know that I spell things in my mind? I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone before because I don’t sit around having conversations about English. Maybe it’s because I was the spelling bee champ in 4th grade. Who knows. I will sometimes say words wrong because as I’m saying it, I’m spelling it in my head. Weird. I know.

Anyway, you know how a woman who talks a lot is referred to as a ‘Chatty Kathy’? Have you ever that before? I say it all the time. My question is what do you call a man who talks a lot? Chatty Matty? Amanda made that up. I like it. It rhymes. My clever little child. This made me think….why is it Chatty Kathy and not Chatty Patty? That rhymes, too. I think a name change is in order.

You know what creeps me out? Fake nails. I know there are tons of women that have them and I’m sorry if I offend you. BUT….I don’t care, your nails creep me out. I think they look tacky for one. Especially when they are those really long ones with the garish nail art on them. Ugh. Plus, the amount of chemicals you are dumping on yourself cannot be good. For two, they not only look fake, they look thick. It’s like you plastered several layers of plastic soda bottle on your nail. I guess they look dirty, too. Fake, plastic, thick and dirty…..therein lies major creepiness. I seriously feel you should rethink your fake nails. Why not leave them to the circa 90’s strippers in the hood?

I am broke. I spent $800 this past weekend. As a single mom, that is just sick and twisted! First I went grocery shopping when I was hungry. This is a BIG, huge DON’T. I spent $150 in food. It didn’t end there…..I went home, put everything away and headed to Costco. Yep. $240. I strolled out of there with more food and a PS2. I went home, put everything away and went to Target. I left Target with Guitar Hero, some gifts and $160 in the hole. Then, I had my taxes done at the low, low bargain price of $180. Yes…next year I’m buying Turbo Tax for $40. I’m not that difficult a tax person. Oh, let’s not forget the $75 dinner to pull it all together. I won’t even count the Subway, Blockbuster & Starbuck’s run just because it’s starting to make me feel irresponsible. This makes me think shopping is an addiction and I’m an addict. I don’t know if I replace sex with shopping, or if I get bored and just want something to do but it has to stop. ‘Hi. My name is Kelly and I am a shopping addict.’ Maybe I can start another club to go with the Starbuck’s Addict Club. This one could be called SAM. Shopping Addicted Moms. Yikes. Needless to say, I will be sitting my ass at home this entire weekend eating and playing Guitar Hero.

That’s all I got. That’s 5. I’m officially done. OH! Wait! Knee update! I have the cutest knees ever with no sign of torn ligaments, arthritis or chipping. I apparently just have week knees. I start Physical Therapy on Friday to strengthen said weak knees. I hope my therapist is hot….and single…..and tall…..and funny.

Have a great weekend everyone.


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