June 30, 2009

You Can’t Go Back

March 19, 2007

Past relationships are in the past for a reason. Since high school, there have been a few men that I always wonder about. Wonder if they were "the one." The one I should have kept. The one that got away or the one I ran off. The one I'll always think about. My lid.

I've finally learned a life lesson that I desperately needed to learn. You can't go back. Things will never be as they once were. People change and grow, feelings change and grow, lives change and grow. Everything and everyone has a season. The shoulda, coulda, woulda's need to remain in their respective season. I'm letting go of the harbored emotions and dreams. I'm letting go of the idea that I screwed up. I'm not going to try and "save" anyone. I'm letting go of the past and moving forward. I'm going to remember what was beautiful and cherish it for what it was….not for my ideology of what it might have been.

I am growing.

So, I went to the doctor today for my checkup. I was told my thyroid is 4x what it should be. Yea…that's why I'm tired all the time, forgetful and why I've gained 20 pounds of fat that I cannot get rid of. The medication I'm on obviously isn't working. They increased my dosage for the final time. In one month I go back for more testing. If nothing has changed, I'm off to an endocrinologist. Stupid body.
Every time I am in a doctor’s office or lab or hospital, etc., I feel like I'm catching sick germs. I feel like whatever everyone else has is slowly creeping into my body through my pores. It literally grosses me out. I can't stand it. I was waiting to get my blood work done and I thought I was going to die. Not from just sitting there but from actually being around all the sick and diseased people. I think next time I'll wear a mask....like MJ. He had it right.

I'm also sunburned. I was laying my fat ass on the hammock yesterday reading and I dozed off. I woke up to lovely red blotches all over. I'm so attractive. Haha! BUT, I love my hammock and my yard. In a couple of years when the vines have grown and the trees are full, I will be in backyard heaven. This weekend I have no plans. (Loving that!) I'm going to Star Nursery and buying new plants for all of my containers. A riot of colors will be on my patio Saturday afternoon. Hurrah for gardening!!

I went to the Bellagio Spa yesterday to work out with a friend. The spa is awesome but I got lost. (Must have been the thyroids fault.) I worked out in the fitness center for about 45 minutes. I then went back to the women's area and took a shower. I love that I didn't have to bring anything! It was all there…towels, robes, slippers, shampoo/conditioner, body wash, deodorant…everything! No makeup, but that's cool. What was a little nasty, I thought, was there were combs and brushes that anyone could use. Yuck! Wouldn't touch them! Anyway, I got dressed, made a cup of lavender tea and left. I kept following the exit signs thinking they would…umm…lead me to an exit. Eventually I ended up at an emergency exit down a hallway that no one was in…kind of spooky in a Shining sort of way. Luckily, a nice towel boy found me and led me to the reception area. Whew! If he was on a big wheel, I would have flipped out.

But….I am growing.


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