June 30, 2009

Voices, Candy & Spiders…ew

June 1, 2007

My work voicemail wasn't working, so my co-worker called our phone guy to figure out what the deal was. I had to spend about 30 minutes on the phone with the phone guy re-recording the voicemail. It finally worked after a couple of tries. So, my co-worker gets the following email from the phone guy:

In the end, it came down to getting Kelly to re-record the directory one more time. This is the first time in 15 years as a telecom engineer that I've encountered someone whose voice came close enough to a DTMF (touchtone) digit in two recordings in a row to fool the system. Normally, it's such a total fluke if it happens at all (I've seen this particular problem maybe 5 times, ever) that getting them to re-record solves the issue. When the problem continued to happen after Kelly re-recorded the first time for me, it sent me barking up a lot of wrong trees.

You can tell her she has a very unique voice.

Awwww…..who's unique?! Psh. Wonderful. My voice apparently sounds just like a touch tone phone. Stupid voice.

I have been really trying to enjoy my job lately. No…really…I have. I have been rearranging my thoughts when I wake up in the morning to consist of bird chirping, dancing through the flowers joy. While I sit staring into a mindless black hole that is my entire day, I try to visualize blue skies, ice cream & laughter. As I'm driving in morning hour traffic halfway across the world, I try to block out the thoughts of veering my car off the spaghetti bowl to certain death and replacing them with thoughts of how grateful I am to have a job. However, one middle management busy work comment from my boss sends me plummeting over the pseudo happy edge. Poof! It's gone. The proverbial bubble of happiness bursts. My thoughts turn evil, pessimistic, loathsome and quite psychotic. WHY?!?!?! Ok…whew…..back to my happy place. Tra la la.

I got sunburn on Monday and it's sad. I am honestly so white that I'm almost translucent. I thought I would be cool and buy the spray on sunscreen. You know, instead of wiping lotion all over, I'd spray it on like I was in the sun worshipping know. Apparently, spraying isn't good enough. My burn looks like some sort of rash or like one of those strawberry red birthmarks. My chest is red and my shoulders have white speckles everywhere! Haha! Ooooh, I'm hot. Ba dum dum!

I'm not real sure if I like my hair. People who know me know I'm all about being who I am. I'm usually not into anything I deem 'fake'. No implants, no plastic surgery, no botox, no injectable fillers. I'm mostly au naturale. Mostly. My hair makes me feel like I'm being fake. It's cool for now but I'm definitely a blonde and a blonde I'll always be. I even tried to pull the 'blonde' thing the other day and just got an odd look. Damn it! Poor brunettes can't play that card! Unless I go through another mid-life crisis, which is entirely possible, I probably won't be a brunette again.

What is with men hitting on women in cars? Do they not know that women don't like to be stared at while we are sitting at a red light nor do we like hand gestures made to get our attention. Really. It's sort of like when you are stuck behind the landscaping pickup with 100 illegals in the back. They sit there and stare at you while you're driving. Then once they think they are cute, they start smiling, waving and really just being obnoxious. You literally have to change lanes and pass them so you feel at ease again.Let me sum it up for all of you amorous auto men:

A) It makes us feel uncomfortable.B) It makes you look like a jackass.C) Thank you for thinking we're pretty.D) Now stop.

I love tootsie rolls. I went to Wal-Mart and bought candy for the office. There was a tootsie mix bag with different flavored tootsies, tootsie pops, dots (?) and the regular tootsies. They were all soft and gooey because it's 150 degrees outside and YUM! I say..give your tootsie a tootsie.

This morning I finish showering and turn off the water. As I reach for my towel I thought 'Wouldn't it be gross if there was a spider on the towel.' I then proceed to wrap the towel around my wet head. I grab the second towel…yes, I use two…shake it because I'm still thinking about the spider and out falls a SPIDER!! Holy crap! I didn't scream because I was in such friggin shock! Universe can't pick up on the good thoughts like winning a million dollars?? Jaysus!

One more things…2 WEEKS UNTIL I CRUISE, BABY!! Yay!


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