June 8, 2007
This will be my last blog until I get back from the Mediterranean….don't be jealous. This will be super long so just deal. Or stop reading. Stop right now. Click the red X. Click it! Good. Ok, glad those bitches are gone. For those of you that stayed, hi, the bitches are gone so let's move on.
Ladies, why does this happen? You are in a bathroom stall. There can be 42 empty stalls all around you and someone chooses the stall right next to you. Are you kidding me? Did you not see the 42 empty stalls? Do you just need to be near me? Did you walk in and think..'oh, yes, the person in that stall wants to hear me pee'? Seriously. What are you thinking? Sicko, needy, peeing person. I know its bad form for men to use the urinal right next to another man. Well, if he isn't George Michael, its bad form. So why do women do it? It's like at the gym. Amanda & I went to the gym the other night. I hopped on my elliptical and she got on a treadmill. There were about 20 empty treadmills all around her and this pedophile had to get on the treadmill right next to her! I saw her physically tense up. She looked at me with that 'are you serious?' look mixed with a 'help me' look and got off her treadmill. She was done. Please, people, leave a courtesy spot.
Speaking of the gym….how many gym faux pas can you name? Give me your best ones. There are just some things that should not be done at a public gym. UGH!
Here's a few to get you going:
*The guy who bathes in his cologne prior to his workout.*The old ladies who run around naked in the locker room.**
All of my core friends are married. I am the odd woman out. I've come to terms with this and take pride in the fact that I won't settle. That I'm waiting for my lid instead of settling for some Saran Wrap. Plus, my friends are awesome at including me into their duet. At times it is very apparent, though, and I feel awkward over it. My friend had a game night at her house on Sunday. I was the only single woman there. So, at the beginning of the night I felt a little bad for myself. As usual, I was alone. I didn't even have my daughter to deflect the singledom. However, by the end of the night, I couldn't help but wonder what was worse! Being married or being single? I think they are equally good….AND bad.
My friend's husband is an ass. Together they can both be asses. I realized that not every marriage is a slice of pie, that they have problems I don't have. That maybe…just maybe…my life looks good to them! While I may not have anyone to go to a romantic dinner with, or have sex with…gasp! I also don't have anyone to tell me what to do, get mad because I talk to my friends or don't like my friends, question my opinion, question what I do with my money, etc, etc, etc. Maybe, just maybe, I don't have it so bad! I left that night, bolted in fact, feeling much better about my status. Although, it will be really great when I do find that guy and no longer have to be the 5th wheel. Oooh, question….do you think it's harder to meet guys in Las Vegas then…let's say….Oswego or Austin? Is Las Vegas so jaded that all the guys are looking for something you aren't willing to give? Or can't? Should I move to Oswego??
Speaking of friends, to have friends ~ you must first be a friend. I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me that she doesn't have any friends. It astounds me that someone cannot have a friend. She claims she doesn't, that she only has me. I love my mother, but, Jaysus! What the F kind of pressure is that to put on someone? My mom definitely has a way of getting to me. She tries to make me feel bad because I don't spend enough time with her. What I keep trying to tell her is that I am busy. I am a full-time working mother. I have a life. I have a family unit. She had hers, this is mine. I try to spend as much time as I can with her but it's apparently not enough. So, she drops this bomb on me and I can't help but wonder why she doesn't make an effort to find some friends? Seriously. She said that I am a friend collector. I told her that absolutely was not. I have friends, the core ones, and then I have acquaintances. BIG difference. Huge. She said she is a bitch. I told her I was too. Is this just something moms do to their daughters? Is it really so hard to make friends in Vegas? I mean, Bill stalked me. I stalked Mercedes. Steph & I hated each other. Yet, it all worked out. We are all friends. Great friends, core. So, if any of you have a mom or know some nice women in their 50's, let me know. I want them to be friends with my mom. That way she can stop driving me frigging bananas.
PLUS, she gave me a bathing suit of hers that didn't fit her anymore. Ew. Mom. Come on. I'm not wearing your frigging bathing suit. That's gross. I took it because I felt bad but I am NOT wearing that. I even told her I have bathing suits and she said 'But this color will look amazing on you.' UGH! ::try not to be a bitch:::try not to be a bitch:::10 days in a cabin on the ocean with her:::10 days:::breathe::try not to be a bitch:::try not to be a bitch:::
Isn't it odd how people say they don't have time for things? I just said it. "I'm busy" which clearly means "I don't have time." That's funny because I have time to go to game night, spend a day at the TI pool, go to dinner and the movies, go shopping at Target, and take naps. I have time to check MySpace, write blogs, comment and email. I have time to watch Pirate Masters, bake cookies, pet the cat and go to the gym. How can we not have time?
How is it possible that its 80 degrees and I'm freezing? I actually just put a jacket on. A light jacket, but still..a jacket. The other night Steph and I went to the movies in the park. We were FREEZING! We sat there like we were sitting on Mt. Everest in sub degree weather all bundled in blankets with our jacket hoods on. It's truly pathetic. I couldn't move back home to NY if I wanted to. I would die. Seriously. I'd be like Jack Nicholson was in The Shining. All frozen with a nasty look on my face.
In closing, I have some news of the bizarre. I haven't done this in a while and it's about time. This lovely piece comes to us from Wisconsin. Land of the Jason's. To bad my stupid ex-husband didn't live in Wisconsin. He could eat the thieves.Squirrels accused of taking cemetery flags. Associated PressNEENAH, Wis. — Caretakers of the Oak Hill Cemetery noticed around Memorial Day that about 25 U.S. flags were missing from veterans' graves.But the haphazard pattern of the thefts and the fact that the wooden dowels remained intact led them to believe the thieves weren't human."It's a pretty solid conclusion that critters are stealing our flags," said cemetery foreman Mark Alberts.
Such thefts have been a problem before. Squirrels took flags in Oshkosh and used them to line their nests a few years ago, and a groundskeeper at Forest Hill Cemetery in Eau Claire discovered dozens of missing flags in a squirrel's nest in 2006.
When crews cut down old trees in the cemetery, they typically find flag remnants in the hollows, Alberts said. "We find a lot of flags all shredded up in there," he said. "They use them for bedding."
Alberts hasn't caught any flag thieves yet, but blackbirds have been seen trying to fly away with flag pieces.
Huh. Should I move to OshKosh to find a man?? If this is all they have going on, maybe I'd be really exciting to them. Heehee!