March 28, 2018

Relationships, realizations and ramblings.

2017 was interesting.  Luckily for me, I have a bad memory and 2018 is replacing those memories I do have.

In 2017, I ended a relationship with someone I’ll always love and thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  But....I needed more than he could give me. Apparently, I need a lot and why not? I believe I deserve a lot.  It is super hard to walk away from a love like that but it was also a fabricated love based on lies, false hopes and broken promises.  It's super hard for me to settle and give up all my hopes and dreams of a life that I’m not in love with. I wasn’t in love with my life. There. Whew. I said it. I mean, I had the illusion and hope of something real...and promises were made of something more...and I was given the idea of something and everything that just never turned out to be anything. All the 'somethings' became 'nothings', so, I left.

It’s funny when people who know us - me - say ‘I hope you find what you’re looking for.’ Which, I've been hearing a lot.  It's always laced with a twinge of bitterness and a scathing lack of respect. I'm not sure why because, I’m not looking. For anything. Simply because I have hope and I believe in a love so grand that I won’t feel insecure, or taken for granted, or scared or unloved. I won’t wonder why I am not good enough, or why he’s talking about me behind my back, or why I’m lonely when I am with him. I won't have to beg for attention, or force togetherness, or play house anymore with someone who only wanted to play.  I already have a child and pets.  I do not need more, to be honest. I guess I am looking for a life that I’m in love with, again. One that doesn’t make me feel badly about myself.

My best friend’s dad passed away. What this has to do with my story is that he was married to his wife for 56 years. The love he had for her, and she had for him, was grand in the truest sense of the word. It was a love to behold, a love to be in awe of, a love to aspire to.  It was a partnership.  They both loved each other and they both knew it.  50/50. 'Til death do they part.  That’s the love I want and covet.  Even if I end up being single for the rest of my life, I will love myself grandly, like that. Because that’s the type of love I deserve. RIP Uncle Joe.

In fact, that’s the type of love everyone deserves. Know your worth and stop giving discounts. I know myself and I love myself.  More.

But, guess what?  I'M GOING TO PARIS!!!  AND I'm moving into a new house by a waterfall!!  AND I'm going to Vegas!!!  THAT'S the life I create for myself when I'm not being brought down by someone else baggage, issues, irresponsible behavior or selfishness. So, yes.  I guess I am finding what I'm looking for...and if I'm not finding it...I'm creating it.  Bitches.

Let me get this straight, I'm not bragging.  I'm also not denying being sad, playing the 'What If' game, questioning my decision, blaming myself. I do it all.  I venture to the dark side of the moon quite often. I miss my best friend, most of all.  All friendships change, I get that. Those who I once considered my BFF's are now practically strangers. So, I understand that change happens on every level.  But, I do miss having someone to tell all my secrets to, to laugh with over ridiculousness, someone with the same twisted sense of humor, someone to text my madness to.  I've also lost friends and family and those I've considered friends and family. But, it's par for the course.  Sadly, enough.  Friends and family suffer through breakups, too.  Or, most of them do. I'll still never get how the ex-future-mother-in-law can choose his exes over him.  But, that's not my problem anymore.  It's just further proof of the insanity I left and that is something to be grateful for.  I also miss having an S.O.  A date.  Someone to go to weddings with, or dinners with or concerts or whatever with.  I also hate taking Jack out when it's dark.  But, just like I learned sharing my living space after being single for 17 years, I'll learn to get used to it.  Even though I visit the dark side of the moon, I choose not to remain living there.

I'm also not saying all was bad. It wasn't. Obviously. 7 years would be ridiculous if it were all bad.  I'm not saying I was perfect either.  I wasn't.  I became someone I didn't like.  That's the worst of it.  I allowed myself to become weak and that is something I've never been.  I didn't like it.  At all.  I need someone who is as strong as I am.  Who is a warrior.  Who sees the bad and looks for the good.  Who stands up when everyone is trying to push him down.  Who protects me, as well as himself.  Who knows what life looks like without me and makes it a point to keep me.  An adventurer of life, not a manipulator of life or a coward of life.  I need someone who is real. I really did give this all I had.  In fact, I gave until I had nothing left.  Physically, emotionally, financially....nothing left. In fact, I tried harder at this than I've ever tried at anything before in my life. That's powerful and also teaches me that I do know how to love.  Strongly and wholly.

I'm going to be 50 in September  I'm glad I'm spending my last year making changes to my life.  I plan on sliding into 50 with fervor, passion and joy...among other things.  Specifically hope.  A year changes a lot.  Who know where I will be or what I'll be doing or who I will be with.  But, I'm off the hamster wheel and I'm so excited to see where this life is leading me.

So, to all of those who were wondering, asking and assuming 'what my deal is'.  This is a snippet of that deal.  My deal. Which, quite respectfully, is none of your damn business. There are those who think I made the wrong decision and that's fine.  It doesn't matter what you can deal with in your life.  It only matters what I can deal with in mine.  You don't have to agree, or like it, or support it...and that's ok.  YOU don't have to.  I do and I am and I know wherever this path leads or whatever path I forge, it's going to be amazing.  There are those that agree, like and support it.  Those understanding loves and those who saw the sadness I worked so hard to hide. Those who know the person and the reality of it all. Those are the ones I thank and am grateful for. There are also those that know and turn a blind eye.  That won't help him or anyone but that, respectfully, is not my damn business.  I'm a truth teller.  I call it like a see it and will never change or apply a filter for that.  Sigh.  But, I actually love that about myself. haha!  I won't change that...ever.

Whew.  Thank GAWD I got this all out of my head and heart.  That load was getting too heavy to bear. It's been 7 months.  Who knows how long healing takes after a break up.  Some people say half
the amount of time you spent together.  Others say quickly.  Some say never.  I'm leading more towards the I'll heal but will never be immune to the hurt. I still hurt over my first love.  I'm sure I'll always hurt over this one.

Please know, haters, that I'm not trash talking or bad mouthing.  I'm venting what I need to let go off.  It's already taken up too much space, time, energy and emotion.  If you have nothing better to do than hate, go someplace else.  Your shit is old and tired.  Go away and amuse your inadequate selves with your lackluster lives.  Psh.


November 29, 2017

2017 Favorites

Damn! This year FLEW by! I'm pretty sure I say this every year.  But, every year it's true!! I barely wrote in 2017. That goes to show how sad and lost I was.  I love to write.  I love to write when I'm happy.  Well, hopefully in 2018, I will be happy. Then, I will not only have filled my blogs but also finished my first book.  Woohoo! Goals, baby, goals!

But, for now, here it is.  The list you have all been waiting for...:::insert total sarcasm 2017 favs!!

Yep.  I love them.  I know it's so annoying seeing all those FB posts...'How did we meet', 'Who's your celeb crush', 'Describe me' only using Gif's!  Squeal!!!! Love them!!

Love the chair, love the cushion, love the total relaxation mode I enter as soon as I snuggle up in it.  It's like a big, cuddly hug.  I may even like the PAPASAN better than my bed....and that's saying a lot! Thanks, Pier One.  You get a thumbs up for this little slice of heaven. Not to mention that my cat is in love, too.

I recently joined Gaia So I don't have a lot of experience yet.  But, they have an introductory sign on price of .99 cents. Since I'm on the pathway to self improvement and mental clarity, I thought $1 was worth it. The monthly fee is $9.95 so we shall see how I feel at the end of the year.  Currently, I am on Day 2 of a morning yoga ritual and I'm learning how to transform my mind, body and, most importantly, my soul. Thumbs up so far.

I don't know if I've listed this as a favorite before or not.  If so, it still is.  If not, it is!  I started seeing Matty, again, because A. I just love him and B. I want to feel better.  I have promised myself to take care of me.  Now that I'm single, I am giving myself all the time, love and care I need.  I love getting pricke...teehee...and I love the prick coma I enter while laying there.  Matty is awesome.  Check him out at Hudson Valley Acupuncture in Kingston.  He's worth the wait and I promise, you won't regret it.  He loves what he does and has a heart of gold.

Another geek product I adore.  Why? Because I'm not a slave to Spectrum or DTV. I paid HUNDREDS each month for crap TV.  Now, $40 later, I watch whatever the hell I want.  Including Gaia! (See above). Check out Amazon and grab this little sucker.  Just don't spend your life on your couch getting sucked in.

I am so glad I decided to become a Wine Guide. This has literally been one of the most amazing things I've ever done.  Not to mention, I love the wine.  My favorite is Small Hours, in case you were curious.  Feel free to buy me a bottle, if ya want, from my website, so I get credit.  Haha!  But, no, seriously!

Wine Wright

Best company, awesome people and great products. One of my better life decisions. If you're interested in a fun and profitable side gig..or, even a full time gig, message me.  No pressure, no regrets. You'll love your job...finally! And, you get to say you drink on the job!

This is a bonus because it's just funny...and free!  Download it today and enjoy!!


November 22, 2017

Closing the Door.

Today the door finally closed on a relationship that didn't feel anything like what was promised.
And, I'm sad.
But, more so than that, I'm disappointed.

I need to cleanse and release and forgive. Not him, I need to forgive myself for trusting and loving someone who didn't have the capacity to love anyone more than he loves himself.  It's harder than it sounds because I like to obsess and beat a dead horse and 'what if' myself to death.  It's like I become addicted to sadness. I pitch a tent there, wallow in the pain, the hurt, the loneliness, the fear...I roast some marshmallows and get eaten alive by bugs. That's my sadness camping trip...and it sucks.

Jesus.  Why do I do this?  I am perfectly aware that feelings are visitors and I need to let them go.  I am perfectly aware that I control my thoughts and have the power to change them to be something more lovely.  I am perfectly aware that good things are coming and I needed to let go of the past. I am perfectly aware that this relationship was one sided. I am perfectly aware that nothing is real with someone who is fake.  I am perfectly aware. Logically, realistically, painfully, perfectly aware.

So, why is it so hard?

It's like watering artificial flowers.  I spent time working & willing shit to grow...but it wasn't real.  Nothing was ever going to grow. I put so much energy in that I have nothing left.  I'm depressed. And, again, I am perfectly aware of all of this bullshit.

Is it because I am so honest and open that I just assume everyone is? Or am I so naive that I actually believe in people being the best possible version they can be?

Gah.  And I'M SO CRANKY!!!! I literally want to block myself.  Haha! I gotta find a meme for that.

Found one! 🤣

I should be excited.  I finally have the chance to take care of me.  Just me and yet I'm scared.  I don't know what I like...but I know what he likes.  I don't know my passion...but I know his. I don't know what to do with my time because it was always consumed with him.  Yet, this was what I needed to do because I lost myself in a place that never made me truly happy. In a place that was temporary.  In a place where my partner was fine being content even if I wasn't.

Now I am afraid to date or fall in love or have a relationship or even talk to anyone.  Because, what if it's all watering fake flowers.  What if I didn't learn this valuable lesson that I was meant to learn.  See? There's those lame 'what if's'.  So negative.  Why my mind chooses that path is beyond me.

I need to retrain my brain. Does anyone know how to do this? I've been walking around in zombie mode for months.  Not feeling, not thinking, not reacting, not anything.  I don't have to do that anymore.  Yet, I don't know what else to do.

I had to do this. I had to take care of myself, my heart, my self, my ego.  He didn't love me the way I need to be loved. It's better to be alone than to be with the wrong one.  To be lied to, constantly and consistently.  If you've read my posts before, you know I hate liars.  This is why.  Because I believe what you say.  I believe you so much I ignore your actions until I just can't any longer.  Because, not only am I honest with everyone else, I'm also honest with myself.

This was my choice.  Closing one door with the hopes that the next door I open will be amazing. Because....if I can love the wrong person so deeply...just imagine how I can love the right one.

Just not right now.  Right now, I'm heading to Florida, again, for a week. Gonna spend Christmas with Amanda and my mom. That will help my mood.  I had fun when I was there for my birthday. I was relaxed, I could breathe. I can't breathe here.  Not right now.  Plus, it's winter and I hate winter.  If it were any other season, I'd get heal in the forest. But, I don't want to freeze.  So, at least, I can be outside in Florida. Then it will be a new year. 2018. Gah.  Wtf.

I was told to write, btw, so this is for me.  Not necessarily you.  But, if it helps, if you've felt any of this and know the answers or the cure or just needed to know someone else feels the same're welcome.


February 10, 2017

What I'm Thinking Today

Well, my year has started out pretty much the same as every year, with a few exceptions.

I forgave a person who hurt my feelings.  Yep.  I'm a forgiver.  I typically do not hold grudges, can see another's point of view and rarely hate.  However, there are those rare occasions when I want to hate so badly.  But, that seems to never last.  I wish I could hate, though.  I think it would feel really good.  Kind of like when I lose my temper and the Irish volcano explodes in all it's beauty!  That shit feels good.  I'm not going to lie.  I do usually have 1 person that I 'hate' and by that I mean...I don't wish them death.  I just wish they'd get their period in shark infested waters or something similar. Hey...they could survive, if it were meant to be so! Psh.

Yea, so, that happened.  What else....?

I started binge watching 'Gilmore Girls'.  Which is hysterically similar to my life. This reminds me....why does Luke tap his pen on his tongue?  Lick the pen?  This is not the 1700's nor does spit make Bic perform any better.  Hmmm...another one of life's questions.

And....that's it, really. I'm a pillar of excitement. Yawn.  I haven't even had anything to write about.  Am I not thinking?  No.  Am I not remembering?  Probs.  I'm forgetting everything.

I also think I'm getting more weird as I get older.  That and the fact that Abe watches 'Ancient Aliens' every night as I'm falling asleep.  This turns into the weirdest ass dreams every.  In fact, I woke up this morning wondering if anyone has the job of figuring out dreams.  Like finding out why.....where they come from...what do they did my effed up mind create this?  I'm a super dreamer. Meaning I dream vividly, in color, intense, crazy and wild.  Just like a movie, most nights. Never are these dreams normal.  Never.

Last night I had a dream that everyone was naked and I was trying to explain why I hadn't shaved my vag.  The lady next to me said since we are going back to the 70's and being nudists, anyway, that I shouldn't worry about it and that I should let my leg and under arm hair grow, too.  (PS- yes...I did shave this morning.)

The night before I had a dream that my Dr. couldn't open his Garth Brooks cd because it was frozen. I got all worked up and kept telling him to call the manufacturer. That the cd was made in NY and they should know that it gets cold here.

Another was I was in some sort of auditorium, listening to a speaker, got bored and snuck out.  (Pretty much my high school education.)  I then was in some huge warehouse.  There was this little boy walking and he had this thing hanging from his backpack. It was like a flurouscent light.  Anyway, everyone was yelling and then the thing exploded. The boy flew into my arms and I started running.  The warehouse was blowing up and burning and chaos.  Then everyone was chasing me because they wanted to kill the boy.  I was yelling 'It wasn't his fault!'

Yea. These are just minor ones that I've had this week.  Some of them are literally insane.  The funny thing is my daughter dreams the same way.  Abe doesn't.  So, where do these thoughts, ideas and fairy tales come from?  Another life?  Another dimension?  Insanity?

I also have more conversations with my cat than I've ever had.  Sometimes I walk away wondering what the hell I agreed to.  He's lucky he's cute. He's also an alien. I keep asking him to just take me away to his planet where I can be Queen.  He doesn't listen, though.  Apparently, I have to continue to suffer the fools.

BTW, am I the only person who pictures gem mining at a sluice when I'm cleaning the litter box?  Panning for gold?  Little treasures of pee and poop clumps?  Then exclaim gleefully when you find one?  No?  Ok.  Moving on. 

Oh! I was driving to work this morning.  Yesterday was a snow day...which is awesome, by the way.  I love being trapped in my house.  Like when Hurricane Irene came.  We were without food, electricity & water for days...and I loved every minute of it.  Except the cold showers at my sisters. That I could live without.  Anyway, I digress.  I think someone should come up with an's my idea so I should get a percentage of profits...of something that either cleans your window or prevents the car in front of you from kicking their muddy, melty, dirty, snow sludge all over.  I legit couldn't see.  I have the 'Do not freeze' wiper fluid...but it still doesn't work when it's 19 degrees.  I had to pull over and clean my windshield at Stewarts.  Why is there not a thing?  Why isn't there some magical force field that prevents me from being blinded on a snowy road?  Why? Why? Why? haha

Ok. So, I'm being dramatic but still.  There needs to be something created.  I have spoken.

I was thinking again about how I'd like my life to be like a book.  One that I could go back and read again, except choose different chapters.  Like different paths.  Just so I could see what would have happened.  It's probably good that I can't.  I'd probably be depressed...or sad that I missed out on something amazing.  Then again, I'd probably be super happy that I wasn't stupid and I chose right!  I still think it would be pretty awesome.  Even if you can't choose different chapters that are comparable with your life choices.  I'd still like to see what happened...what I've forgotten....what I didn't give enough attention to.  I mean, who really remembers everything in their life?  I remember weird shit that doesn't matter.  Yet, I can't remember important things that I should.  For example, I remember being in high school at Patti Davis' house learning the words to 'Tom Sawyer' by Rush. But, I can't remember the name of the cabins at work.  Weird. lucky are kids today?  They just need 'Google' to know the lyrics to a song.  Yes...I just looked at the lyrics to 'Tom Sawyer' and we were close....but not quite.

Apparently, I'm pretty effed up.  Weird dreams, crazy memory, talking cats....lunacy.  I'm freaking crazy!!

OMG.  I hope I'm never alone in my life.  I'd hate to be a lunatic with no one there to watch or stop me.  Sigh. I probably will be alone.  I'm an only child with commitment problems.  I like being alone. I was single for 100 years in Vegas and loved it.  Just me and Manda.  Now I've been with Abe for...6 years?  Maybe.  5 years?  I don't know but he's my longest relationship.  I don't know if that's good or bad.  As a matter of fact, I started talking to Abe right after I moved here.  So....6 years I've been with Abe. Wow. I'm kinda blowing my own mind right now. I don't know what to think about that.

Why would I? I've got all this other madness floating around in my brain.  Someone needs to bring me a straight jacket.


November 22, 2016

2016 Favorite's

I can't believe it's been another year!  Holy time flies by!   Not sure I'm liking that too much, but, here's what I do like!  This year!
Have fun..go shopping, try them out and tell me what you think. Also, tell me some of your favs.  I love trying out new stuff. :)

BAR SOAPS:  I usually use Bath & Body Works Shower gel....then lotion...then perfume....usually. However, lately, I've acquired a love for bar soap.  Not Ivory or Dove..good, pure, pretty bar soap. Lavender is my favorite, of course. It's my smell. That and eucalyptus.  I also found locally made soap, which is awesome! WEBA  Anyone who knows me knows I love nature and animals so this company makes my newfound soap love even more perfect.  Check them out.  #shoplocal

PEPPER JELLY & CREAM CHEESE:  OMG.  It sounds disgusting and a little like a joke, but it's amazing and makes your mouth happy.  Jilly always serves this up whenever she has a get together at her cute little home. Love going there...and eating! haha She gets this jelly from the Christmas Tree Shop in Poughkeepsie.  I haven't been there yet but she plans on taking me one day.  Maybe that store will end up on next years list.  Hmmm.

AMBITION BISTRO:  Recently, I went to Schenectady...which is not only fun to say, it's a pretty fun city to visit, too. Erica and I went on a little adventure to see Dirty Dancing and shop.  While walking around, we stopped to have lunch in this quirky, cute, little fun place. Loved the decor, the people, the Bloody Mary's and the sandwich called 'Jeremy's Package'! (of course we ordered that! haha)  BTW, also ordered the 1st Bloody Mary that I've had since Vegas.  I forgot how amazing they are!  So, this entry has 2 fav's in 1. Check them out on Facebook and then in person!  Ambition Bistro

POO-POURRI - Need I say more?

Note:  Thanks to Rocky for having this out at the campground for me to see!  xox

FOOT SPA: - There is one in Kingston and one in Stone Ridge.  No happy endings but a happy 30 minute foot massage to treat yourself is just as good.  Take time for you.  Treat your feet!

107.3 WRWD: - My friend, Tami, would be proud. I know when I'm belting out Blake Shelton in my car, she is somewhere smiling because  I've once again crossed over the country line.  I haven't taken up line dancing or getting myself pregnant again, but I do know most of the songs on this station. Yes, my fellow rockers, sometimes it is good to embrace all music.  Now, if anyone would like to give their TOC tickets to me, I'd gladly accept.

WHITE FUDGE OREOS:  What do you want first?  The good news or the bad?  Let's do the bad....they are only for a Limited Time.  Around Christmas, these yummy  little suckers appear on the shelves...then disappear just as quickly.  The good...they are AMAZING!  Kudos to Nabisco for taking my O Obsession even farther!  Grab these while you can because if I get there first, there won't be any left.

Now, I don't have many this year because I'm still enjoying all the things from previous years. Nothing really new has floated my boat....but I did save the best for last.

ERICA:  Where do I begin?  My arch nemesis.  The only person I despised for over 20 years.  The only person I said I hated.  The only person who was associated with the bad shit in my previous life. The person I laid blame on. Yea.  Her.


She's my best friend.  Funny how life works, huh?  I was getting ready for my 30th reunion and logged onto Classmates only to find an email from Erica.  Very polite, very nice, asking for help.  She wanted me to talk to my friend about his life and try to save him. I looked at the date because I haven't been friends with said person for 5 years.  Exactly how old her email was.  So, me being me, sat there and thought.  SHIT!  She probably thinks I'm the biggest bitch on the planet!  I ignored her and didn't even mean to.  That's terrible.  Anyone who knows me knows that A.  I'm a forgiver. and B.  I'm nice.   So, I shot her an email of Facebook saying sorry it took me so long, I couldn't help her, hope all is well.

 A few emails later, we are meeting up at Dunkin'.  I'm leery because all I've ever been told about this person has been negative...and myself and everyone I knew.  I gotta say, I was very skeptical, on edge and ready for whatever shit was about to go down.  What went down was WAY different than what I had expected. We talked.  We cleared the air.  She told me things I didn't know. Things that my friends, at the time, told me to be the exact opposite.  She blew my mind.  Literally blew it out of the water.  Now, I'll be the first to tell you that rarely does anything surprise me.  That night, I left Dunkin' more surprised than I have ever been....and I believed this woman.  I believe her. She is a truth teller like me.  We don't have the time or energy for bullshit.  We don't play our game that way.  We are straight to the point, in your face, sorry if you don't like the truth, women.


I can't live without this woman.  We literally rock.  She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she makes me want to protect her and she protects me.  It's real.  It's genuine.  It's something I am pissed about missing out on.  Mostly mad at myself.  Mad for believing people without investigating.  Mad for not going right to her and asking about all the shit I was told.  Mad for trusting those who didn't deserve my trust.  Gawd...I was so stupid.  But, you know, things happen for a reason.

I'm not sure what the reason is, yet, but I do know it's good...and it's gonna make us laugh. I know that we share secrets.  Some shit I didn't know, some she didn't know and how we both played the fool, at one point or another, with people. We are so much alike, it scares the shit out of me.  Yet, I understand now why my ex love (s/d) her...and me. We are the same person. We are the shit.  It's no wonder why we scare the hell out of people.  It's no wonder people are jealous and insecure over us.  It's no wonder we both get harassed and stalked and attacked by the weak.  We are happy.  We are living our lives, enjoying each other and, best of all, we relate.  We get it.  We understand.  We may be the only ones who do but we don't care what anyone else thinks!  This is about us and only us.

I mean, I do not like living in the past.  In fact, I avoid it at all costs because it does nothing for me. But, I needed to know these things.  To close the door, to forgive, to let go and to realize that maybe this is the reason.  Us.  We are the reason.

So, January 23rd is our frienderversary.  She is the Veronica to my Betty.  The Lucy to my Ethel.  The Baby to my Johnny.  The brownie to my blondie.  My all time favortie of the year is becoming friends with Erica.  Against all odds...and even though it's shocked the hell out of many and pissed off the rest.  We do not care.  We will be friends for the rest of our lives, come hell or high water...or bitches, or hoes, or cheaters, or jackasses, or liars, or chicks whose eyes are too close together.  Yea.  I said it.

You can keep doing what you do and we will keep laughing at you because we know the truth. Anyway, got that out of my system...and it's gone.  Bye, bye.

The best thing about Erica is her heart.  She loves and would do anything for those she loves. It's sad that people...including myself...judge her before they see how beautiful she is.  Plus, our men like each other and are friends, too!  Yay for double dates!

So, here's too another year of adventures, family parties,  girls night outs, vacations, camping trips, dinners, movies, brunches, game nights, holidays, shopping sprees, cocktails, cawfee, kayaking, foot massages, parades, Taco Tuesdays, dog walks, hikes, texts, emails, phone calls, videos...haha...and celebrating our friendship and making up for lost time.

And, most importantly, here is my most sincere apology that you deserve but never knew you deserved it.  I'm so sorry I didn't ask you about you back in the 80's.  I believe you now and I would have believed you then.  I'm sorry I didn't give you that chance.

Love you, Sunshine.

That's all folks, enjoy your holidays and the rest of 2016.


July 15, 2016

Lost in the Shower.

I haven't blogged in a long time.  Maybe that's why I haven't 'been myself' lately.  I haven't been purging the madness in my head. So, here's back to being me.

Did you know I lost an INCH!  And not in my waist.  I used to be 5'8".....used to be.  What the hell? I cannot believe I am getting older to begin with.  But, to have all of this extra shit jumping on that band wagon is really bugging me.  I like being tall!  Granted...when I was in middle school and taller than all the boys, I didn't like it.  When I was in high school and had to stoop over for my prom picture, I didn't like it.  But, since college - I like it!!  Damn it. It seems that everything I like (d) is going to shit.  I liked my teeth - shit.  I liked my stomach - shit.  I liked my body - shit.  I liked my height - shit.  I'm going to start disliking stuff.  See what happens.

On a positive note, I lost 12 pounds.  I don't mind losing that.  La la.

Am I the only one who does weird stuff in the shower?

Don't be pervy.

I mean...I do yoga in the shower.  I also make waterfalls with my elbows...or boobs.  I smush my toes in the bubbles.  I squeeze my scrunchy poof thing so the water rinses off the cat hair from the side of the tub. I clean with my feet. I talk to the pets. I step out of the water, bubble up my entire body, act like a yeti and then step back under the shower when I get cold.

Yep.  I don't just shower.  I exist in the shower.  It's the only place I truly relax.

Everyone sings in the shower.  So, don't tell me that one like it's special and unique.  I've recorded 4 singles this week alone.

I also have shower thoughts. In fact, I have some of my best thoughts in the shower.  Not surprising since it's the only time I'm alone, relaxed and quiet. (sometimes) Here are some of my thoughts.  You can read these and then decide if you would like to remain friends with a crazy person.

Wouldn't it be cool if people could dream together?  Like, if I was dreaming about Abe, I could invite him into my dream so he'd get it. Instead of me trying to explain the craziness to him in the morning. Ya know? Sort of like a multi-player game.

Or I wonder how many times I've unknowingly avoided my death. Or...what are snails actually doing or where are they going?  Today, my shower thought anyone stupid enough to think they caught an STD from a former lover 10 years ago and just found out about having it NOW or are they smart enough to realize their current partner is cheating on them?   Yea.  I'm surrounded by an idiot cluster.  And whores, apparently.  Haha.

Well, apparently this whole blog is about showers.

I argue with everyone in the shower. I come up with amazing rebuttals and comebacks to past arguments, current arguments and arguments that haven't even occurred yet.   I obviously perform because I've recorded singles. (see above) I still do not sing well, though.  Sorry.  I've gotten shower schizophrenia. Meaning, I hear things when I'm home alone and in the shower.  I've actually gotten out, soaking wet, grabbed a towel and creeped around the house. This is funny because I have wood floors and wet feet.  Yea, good times.

I just thought of this....bath crayons.  I should totally buy myself some bath crayons so I could draw in the shower, too.

My secret is out. I love the shower.  I can get lost in the shower.


January 9, 2016

2015 10 Favorites.

It's the new year and new favorites are on the horizon. But, you'll have to wait for those. Here are last year's fav's.

I'm like the dad in 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' except I'm not using Windex.  I'm using Neosporin. And it's the shit.

My latest obsession that ran over into '16.  It's like heaven in my mouth.

Coconut Oil has like 3 million uses so, all you need, for the rest of your life, is a big jar of it. Raw, organic and extra virgin. Your life is now complete.

The real reason I'm feeling pretty optimistic about 2016.

I'm not a big drinker but I like an occasional mimosa and beer.  My latest beer fixation has been Blue Moon.  Not only because it's tasty but because I can order it in song.

I should have been a vet or a farmer because I love animals! I love that my job has dogs that come in all the time AND live near the woods so I see them all the time.  I'm also trying to catch a bear that walks through my yard.  No luck yet.  Will keep you posted.

Blueberry is my favorite thing ever so, of course, I love this shake.  My cousin doesn't serve it any more but it was amazing while it lasts!  #cherriesdeli

Any kind, any color, any smell...I'll take them.  ALL!!!

It's super cozy to sit around the fire with friends, relax and have fun.  I need stuff to throw in the fire to make colors and some smores fixin's.

I'm an addict.  I have pinned my dream house, my meals for the rest of my life, my wedding, my garden, things to do with my grandchildren, places I want to go or have been to, nature, anything and everything that thrills me....seriously.  Send help.  And follow me:  Kelly's Blogs.  I've pinned some amazing shit...and will continue until my fingers freeze or my iPad dies.

Cheers to an amazing 2016! Let's make this year the shit AND full of new favs.